Half blind now because of my retarded stupidity

[cait_sith]

I went to the eye doctor with burning eye pain, she just said "inflammation" and wrote down some eye-drops for me use hourly. She didnt specify that it was keratitis (corneal inflammation) which can fuck your eyes up forever if you don't treat it. In my stupid I thought she meant it was a conjunctivitis, when using the eye-drops hourly was too painful my brain made a dumb leap that it would be ok not to use them and it might heal on its own as you read about conjunctivitis often, while the symptoms were severe I thought this was just part of getting better and I did even notice how I lost sight in my right eye as I kept it closed all the time. 5 days later when the symptoms got worse I called the doctor again who said I have to go to the hospital now. now I just realized what I done I hate m to self so much these 5days without treatment might have blinded 1eye forever I almost can't see anything and it hurts so bad, there might me chance to heal or do operations but the fact that my brain is so retarded and delayed treatment for so long kills me i want to die so badly now, I am this retarded, if course it would be bad if the doctor says that you need to use drops every hour but my brain didn't make the connection

 

[Trappednocure]

Im very sorry that is horrible! Do you know the cause? There are gene editing trials recruiting for this. I dont think it can give vision back if already lost only prevent further loss if succesful

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

Losing my eye-sight would definetely be the last straw for me, I would immediately shoot myself.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Yeah, that's a bad one. Losing sight would definitely put me on a fast-track to ctb. OP, I hope you're able to receive proper treatment and can save your sight.

 

[nux_walpurgis]

The doctor should have informed you better. I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you can have your eyesight restored and it's not permanent.

 

[hhttt25]

That's terrible. I'm sorry for you.

 

[shrobae]

another case of some doctors being f u c k i n g incompetent

 

[Dai]

I'm so very sorry to hear this. So glad to hear there's a chance to recover. Please keep us updated on how the operations go.

Also your Doctor needed to emphasize just how serious your problems were and what can happen if you don't take the drops. There's no way she should've allowed you to leave her office without knowing this

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Thanks for the heads up.

 

[willitpass]

The doctor should have been a lot more thorough in explaining your condition as well as the importance of taking the medication and the risks of stopping. I'm sorry that they failed you like that. While treatment compliance is technically up to the patient, it is the doctors job to properly explain things to you in order to ensure the client is informed enough to know why they need to comply. You didn't go to medical school, how are you supposed to know the difference if you were not told it? I'm sorry for what happened to you, try your best not to blame yourself for what happened.

 

[noname223]

I assume you live in the US. The health care system there is a disaster. And I think the doctor is partly responsible for not specifying how crucial a treatment is. I think it is horrible how bad the patients are treated there. They are responsible for many ruined lives.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Just make sure to follow the treatment the doctor gives you this time TO A TEE. I have a feeling you may be able to save your eyesight still.

 

[cait_sith]

thanks for the responses, i should have explained my situation better i was in a rage yesterday. the blindess id from the cornea around the eye, not the eye itself so there its different. chat gpt says theres is a possibility that my cornea recovers to a certain degree within 3-6 months onm its own, given the inflammation is teated with eye drops, which i do now, but if scars remain on the cornea it might stay like it is now which is about i would guess 3% visabilty on one eye.its worse than having 0% visabilty i think with all the horrible light effects, i cant play pc make music on fl, watch movie, or anything else that made things bearable for me. i have noose ready and ready to drop, if it stays like this there possibility of transplantation and laser operation but why bother. with this condition, maybe the brain adapts after a while but i dont care, i will go to other doctor tommorrow and ask about predictions, im not goinmg to live months like this and the worst is that its my own fault,m in my brain i spin things around sometimes and and i thought i had milder desease than i had although i had great symptoms, the doctor shiould hacve told me the condition and i would have stuck to the regiment , but its not her fault she told me on the phone "of yourse its a bad condition why would i have told you to eye drops each hour" and she is right, i should have made this connection and now i fucked up and fucked myself even more than i could ever imagine, i am so retaded.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's so horrible what you have to go through. I hope you eye can heal

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

You aren't stupid for thinking you had a more benign condition. Your optometrist messed up by not clearly explaining the severity of your condition. She is the one with training and education in eye health, and it is her responsibility to make sure you understand the issue, not yours.

 

[cait_sith]

You aren't stupid for thinking you had a more benign condition. Your optometrist messed up by not clearly explaining the severity of your condition. She is the one with training and education in eye health, and it is her responsibility to make sure you understand the issue, not yours.

You are right to a point but I should have asked. I was in great pain so I should have known it's severe. I just can't believe the synchronicity of events: i catch a rare disease probably from wearing unwashed sleeping mask, I pick the worst possible doctor just because I was there 8 years ago or sth for doing an eye test. She says it's an infection without stating what, there is an infection with similar symptoms that is much less severe and I think it's what I have so I drop the eye drops BC of pain, I suffer through great symptoms bc I think it's normal for this infection, I get blind. I get blind and get to blame myself, me hating myself already. If there aren't cosmic forces at play that want me dead I don't know what is.

 

[cait_sith]

Update if anyone cares, using this thread as a kind of blog now, please ignore if wanted. Yesterday crazy ctb-urge Currently in hospital getting eye drops every 30 minutes and every hour during the night, craziest insomnia of my life just lying there like a log eyes closed motionless as too tired to roll around but mind still going crazy about the mistake I made. While the doctor is partly at fault for lack of information, the symptoms i struggled through while still being convinced it wasn't a dangerous illness is still something that I have to declare as insane in hignsight. Why is my brain this crazy, I'm not dumb in the classical sense but once I get convinced of something, like me having only a small disease, my mind sticks through it, it drives me insane that I turned out this way, why am I so skewed. Why do I have to fuck up everything. Why can't I think things through. The doctor of the hospital says there is a chance of me being able to see 100% on the damaged eye save for scar on the side of the cornea that might mess with lights on the side of the vision but brain will adapt and there are special glasses for this, but he won't give any time estimations. Studies say it takes a year for a severely damaged cornea to get better significantly, if at all. I am still in the clinic-haze though, unable to cry because the infection, once I get home to my sn and hanging setup and the full reality sets in I will propably ctb.

 

[nir]

Update if anyone cares, using this thread as a kind of blog now, please ignore if wanted. Yesterday crazy ctb-urge Currently in hospital getting eye drops every 30 minutes and every hour during the night, craziest insomnia of my life just lying there like a log eyes closed motionless as too tired to roll around but mind still going crazy about the mistake I made. While the doctor is partly at fault for lack of information, the symptoms i struggled through while still being convinced it wasn't a dangerous illness is still something that I have to declare as insane in hignsight. Why is my brain this crazy, I'm not dumb in the classical sense but once I get convinced of something, like me having only a small disease, my mind sticks through it, it drives me insane that I turned out this way, why am I so skewed. Why do I have to fuck up everything. Why can't I think things through. The doctor of the hospital says there is a chance of me being able to see 100% on the damaged eye save for scar on the side of the cornea that might mess with lights on the side of the vision but brain will adapt and there are special glasses for this, but he won't give any time estimations. Studies say it takes a year for a severely damaged cornea to get better significantly, if at all. I am still in the clinic-haze though, unable to cry because the infection, once I get home to my sn and hanging setup and the full reality sets in I will propably ctb.

It's good that they're telling you that you may get 100% vision again. They don't usually say that kind of stuff unless there is a good chance, because they don't want to instil false hope.