Haas anyone here lost a sibling?

[DreamEnd]

What happened to you? Did you get over the pain or are you still suffering? I can't imagine my sister losing me but I have no other way.

 

[Sleeper System]

I think about this alot. I think I'd grieve them but ultimately feel relief about them being at peace.
It also depends on how they passed away.

I know someone who lost their sister at a young age and you can't even mention it because they'll turn into a different person.
Some peoples worldy bonds transcend time and space. I can see how some people will never get over it. It sucks.

 

[thinvy]

I almost did. I'm not sure my perspective is what you're looking for, but even though it was only an "almost" and not a "did lose" my sister, it still scares me to this day

It wasn't her attempting to CTB, nor any crime/drug related stuff (though her dirt bag father trying to take her when she was little was certainly scary), nothing like that. My little sister almost drowned on a day out that was meant to be my day, and I still feel horrible horrible guilt about it all the time.

Partially because it was indirectly my fault, I wanted her to feel the running water on her legs, I didn't know she was too small, but also because we would've never gone that day if it weren't for me. I could've gone alone.

Even though I was injured far worse in trying my damnest to save her, it fucked both of us up for a good long while. I remember very very faintly apologizing the entire way home to our mom, and feeling terrified of our older sibling's reaction when we would see each other next.

even though neither of us had to go to the hospital (we were on the lookout for secondary drowning, don't worry), I still feel terrible about it every day. what if I didn't ask to swim with my family? what if I just went to the pool instead? what if I had just let them stay in the slow shallow water? I beat myself up every time I remember what happened was my fault, and think about how quickly I couldve lost her. how quickly her little life could've been snuffed in front of me.

such what-ifs are no use to anyone though. especially in the case of self deliverance, people will do whatever it takes when desperate enough. that's what I hope to make clear to my family when I inevitably go to meet my dad. I still love my little sister, and I care for my older sibling, though I'm not sure how they feel about me, but there's nothing they could've changed. sure, there's plenty that they missed, intentionally or otherwise, but I also could've reached out if i had really wanted help

it's definitely a hard pill to swallow for anyone, but especially for someone who has assumedly known you for so much of/ all of their life to know that someone they care about wants to die.

losing anyone you know and care about is hard though. I can't imagine that even someone you hate sincerely killing themself is easy. dying is hard, but often times, living is harder.

at the end of the day though, it's your life, and your choice what to do with it. obviously I'm not here to tell you to keep on trucking like nothing's wrong, I'm here to end myself too lmao

 

[DreamEnd]

I almost did. I'm not sure my perspective is what you're looking for, but even though it was only an "almost" and not a "did lose" my sister, it still scares me to this day

It wasn't her attempting to CTB, nor any crime/drug related stuff (though her dirt bag father trying to take her when she was little was certainly scary), nothing like that. My little sister almost drowned on a day out that was meant to be my day, and I still feel horrible horrible guilt about it all the time.

Partially because it was indirectly my fault, I wanted her to feel the running water on her legs, I didn't know she was too small, but also because we would've never gone that day if it weren't for me. I could've gone alone.

Even though I was injured far worse in trying my damnest to save her, it fucked both of us up for a good long while. I remember very very faintly apologizing the entire way home to our mom, and feeling terrified of our older sibling's reaction when we would see each other next.

even though neither of us had to go to the hospital (we were on the lookout for secondary drowning, don't worry), I still feel terrible about it every day. what if I didn't ask to swim with my family? what if I just went to the pool instead? what if I had just let them stay in the slow shallow water? I beat myself up every time I remember what happened was my fault, and think about how quickly I couldve lost her. how quickly her little life could've been snuffed in front of me.

such what-ifs are no use to anyone though. especially in the case of self deliverance, people will do whatever it takes when desperate enough. that's what I hope to make clear to my family when I inevitably go to meet my dad. I still love my little sister, and I care for my older sibling, though I'm not sure how they feel about me, but there's nothing they could've changed. sure, there's plenty that they missed, intentionally or otherwise, but I also could've reached out if i had really wanted help

it's definitely a hard pill to swallow for anyone, but especially for someone who has assumedly known you for so much of/ all of their life to know that someone they care about wants to die.

losing anyone you know and care about is hard though. I can't imagine that even someone you hate sincerely killing themself is easy. dying is hard, but often times, living is harder.

at the end of the day though, it's your life, and your choice what to do with it. obviously I'm not here to tell you to keep on trucking like nothing's wrong, I'm here to end myself too lmao

Yeah it's very hard. Very.

 

[TapeMachine]

I think about this alot. I think I'd grieve them but ultimately feel relief about them being at peace.
It also depends on how they passed away.

This is how I feel about the brother I lost last February. I miss him so much and wish I could still speak with him...but I'm also relieved that he isn't suffering any longer...

He had such an awful life. The same man who molested me also raped my brother (I was 5 at the time; my brother was 7 yrs old. But neither of us knew about the other's abuse until we were adults.) And that's just the beginning; life got much uglier for us as we got older.

I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm glad he finally got out. He died from a fentanyl OD, so it comforts me to know he didn't suffer much pain or discomfort in his final moments. I hope I won't be too far behind him. (Really wish he'd left me some of that fent, dammit.. )

The only thing that has kept me tethered to life since his passing is my feelings of guilt and compassion, because I don't want to break our parents and other siblings further with my additional death... But I can only hang on for so much longer.

 

[ScubaCTB]

What happened to you? Did you get over the pain or are you still suffering? I can't imagine my sister losing me but I have no other way.

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Sounds so hurtful. Hugs.

I lost my big sister while in my 20s. She was my closest sibling of 4 total including me. I never really recovered in hindsight.

 

[DreamEnd]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Sounds so hurtful. Hugs.

I lost my big sister while in my 20s. She was my closest sibling of 4 total including me. I never really recovered in hindsight.

I haven't lost anyone thankfully. But I will be the one going unfortunately:( sorry for
Your loss

 

[Sleeper System]

This is how I feel about the brother I lost last February. I miss him so much and wish I could still speak with him...but I'm also relieved that he isn't suffering any longer...

He had such an awful life. The same man who molested me also raped my brother (I was 5 at the time; my brother was 7 yrs old. But neither of us knew about the other's abuse until we were adults.) And that's just the beginning; life got much uglier for us as we got older.

I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm glad he finally got out. He died from a fentanyl OD, so it comforts me to know he didn't suffer much pain or discomfort in his final moments. I hope I won't be too far behind him. (Really wish he'd left me some of that fent, dammit.. )

The only thing that has kept me tethered to life since his passing is my feelings of guilt and compassion, because I don't want to break our parents and other siblings further with my additional death... But I can only hang on for so much longer.

I don't remember where I heard this but " The fact that it hurts means it was real." So the fact that he is on your mind and you miss him only confirms that you loved him.
It's tough going through traumatic experiences but there is a different level of hurt when someone goes through it with you and you find out later on. It's heart breaking.
I agree and hope he suffered as little as possible. I hope we all do.
Fent is sadly overflowing in my area and it's easy to get. I often think of it as a last resort but I don't think i'll ctb any time soon sadly.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I lost my brother a few years ago, he was older and working, own house and whatnot.

Pretty gruesome but given the circumstances of the death it wasn't surprising. People do get forgotten about though.

I have my brother in memory but it feels as though it was a tape from another universe, eventually the tape will be destroyed and the person will cease to be a thought.

Tragic or something i guess, reality is bleak.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Lost my brother in 2015, he was a good person and though he hurt me as a child, I hope he knows that I forgive him.

 

[Angel of Spades]

i think about this a lot, too — my younger sister losing me? i don't even know if she would truly understand the depth of the situation. for me, though, it's easier, as i've never been very close to her, so i don't feel much personal responsibility for the effect of my death on her. it's still a difficult topic, though, which is why it's something i don't like to think about very much — i just put those thoughts out of my mind when thinking about my ctb plans.

in your case, i think... i think she may be upset at you for a long time, but eventually that anger will die down and she'll remember you for the good memories. anger can't be permanent, but memories can be. i can't speak for your sister, because i don't know how close you two are, but i can only hope that in time she realizes that you did what you did for your own sanity and peace.

 

[DreamEnd]

i think about this a lot, too — my younger sister losing me? i don't even know if she would truly understand the depth of the situation. for me, though, it's easier, as i've never been very close to her, so i don't feel much personal responsibility for the effect of my death on her. it's still a difficult topic, though, which is why it's something i don't like to think about very much — i just put those thoughts out of my mind when thinking about my ctb plans.

in your case, i think... i think she may be upset at you for a long time, but eventually that anger will die down and she'll remember you for the good memories. anger can't be permanent, but memories can be. i can't speak for your sister, because i don't know how close you two are, but i can only hope that in time she realizes that you did what you did for your own sanity and peace.

I just hope I won't feel regret after my death. In whatever form I'll be. I don't want to feel anything anymore

 

[TapeMachine]

I don't want to feel anything anymore

I don't want to feel either. I don't want to feel good, bad, okay, sad, scared, tormented, blissful, nostalgic, bitter, sentimental, anxious, hopeful, doomed. I don't want any of it. I simply want my dysfunctional brain to shutdown completely, once and for all.

 

[DreamEnd]

I don't want to feel either. I don't want to feel good, bad, okay, sad, scared, tormented, blissful, nostalgic, bitter, sentimental, anxious, hopeful, doomed. I don't want any of it. I simply want my dysfunctionional brain to shutdown completely, once and for all.

Yeah hopefully that would be it but no guarantees:(

 

[cranberrys]

What happened to you? Did you get over the pain or are you still suffering? I can't imagine my sister losing me but I have no other way.

I lost my little sister when I was in high school. I remember holding her dead body and not wanting to leave her behind and alone in the hospital. It hurt so fucking bad back then, and while it's gotten more bearable as the years have passed (I'm about to graduate from University now) I still miss her sometimes and waves of grief still come over me. Overall, I'm glad that at least she doesn't have to deal with all of her illnesses, medications, hospital visits, etc anymore and that she's at peace and pain free. Still miss her like hell though.