Guys please, do I go to psych ward again? I am so anxious

[Unrecognizable7]

U can see my history in my posts, I have been to psych ward for 4 months in 2018 and meh and basically lived like a shut in afterwards and before that too even. I have such bad PTSD from bullying in childhood and I have bad gyno and recessed as fuck face and I am almost more scared of getting insulted than of death, i have been surpressing this for months now. I have so much fear, I drink every day. I have only barely been able to go outside for basically my whole life, I am fat rn because of BDD stuff and I have the means to end it but I am not sure, maybe I am WRONG and people will be nice to me. I have been asking around for anti anxiety meds but gps wont give it to me. There is a girl online I know who roots for me. I dont want to die but all my appointments are weeks away and I am just sooooo scared. Do I go to psych ward or not? Let them take my honor one last time? Ill get locked up again with the crazy crazy people.


Fuck I want the pain to stop by SURGERY that i have an appointment for on the 10th (not for surgery for my jaws but for a first talk). I live with my dad and I just ROT away and so does he. I wish I was calm but my mind is FUCKED with anxiety. I have no friends besides online people and because i am this ugly and recessed i feel like imposter syndrome.




I am sorry but this distress is so unbearable. .

 

[badkarma4618]

im really sorry youre feeling this way. it sounds like you're in so much pain, and i just want you to know i hear you. you are not alone. it makes sense that you are overwhelmed, especially carrying all of this by yourself for so long. the fear, the anxiety, the BDD, and none of that is your fault.

going to the psych ward doesnt mean youre weak or broken. it just means you're trying to survive. if youre scared and the pain feels like too much, it might be worth going, not because you are giving up, but because you deserve care. you deserve to be safe and to have people help carry this with you. sometimes hospitals arent perfect, but they can be a place to stabilize and rest.

its also okay to feel unsure. but please, don't try to go through this alone. the fact that you posted this shows that you want to stay and get better. that part of you deserves to be listened to. maybe that talk on the 10th can be the start of something different, something better. maybe the people around you will surprise you.

i hope you get the support you need and feel some peace soon. you deserve to feel safe in your own mind. take care of yourself <3