Venting Guys I’m trapped

[PoisonedJuliet]

I really can't do this anymore. I have no reliable methods of ctb. I'm in such a dark place right now. I just want a big dark void full of nothing. I want to feel nothing. I want to cease to exist. There really is no point to this thread and no one has to respond. It just feels good to know someone knows how I'm feeling and read this. I'm trapped here and the walls are closing in very slowly but they won't ever end it. I'll still be stuck in this wretched life. I don't know how I'm going to wake up tomorrow

 

[faust]

I won't refrain from commenting. Now a question: why do you have to kill 30 people in US to get a death punishment, but cannot die on your own... That's very strange isn't it?
If I had a necessity to die right now, I would probably do jumping. Don't have any reliable methods right now as well. Want to end it asap, but have to be patient.
And sorry you are in such a time, place and circumstances... Hugs

 

[Lostandfound7]

Totally know what u mean..For sure, ur not alone in feeling that way..Sending u a big hug

 

[LMLN]

I am so sorry you feel like this. I understand. I feel trapped in this hell. :(

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Humans should have the right to end their suffering. That could mean better access to medicine, better access to therapy, or if none of that works then the means by which to die peacefully.
I just want things to be like they used to be. Better

 

[colcol]

you are not on your own all im deciding right now is where i want my body to be found
wish i lived in america then i could get the cops to shoot me dead

 

[HadEnough1974]

you are not on your own all im deciding right now is where i want my body to be found
wish i lived in america then i could get the cops to shoot me dead

If you want to increase the chances of the cops shooting you do the following:

1 - Paint your skin black.
2 - Drive your car.

Eventually, you'll get pulled over (driving while black). Then it's all downhill from there.

Option # 2

Attend a kkk rally and or a cross burning.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Humans should have the right to end their suffering. That could mean better access to medicine, better access to therapy, or if none of that works then the means by which to die peacefully.
I just want things to be like they used to be. Better

It would be good if humans didn't have to suffer.

 

[hunthunt]

I have been feeling exactly the same the last couple of days, you are not alone.

I live with my sister, my niece and my parents, they are really lovely and dont bother me but im simply just overwhelmed with the absolute trainwreck that is my failed life, i just had enough of being a cokehead, liar, dumbass asshole.

What is still keeping me away from ctb? probably i still have enough emphaty for my parents and sister, i know im gonna destroy them if i do it.

but i will do it anyway, because im still just a bad person

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I feel that that a lot. Can't go on. Haven't got the courage to do anything about it. Or maybe my survival instinct is too strong. Its a horrible way to be. I'm sorry.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

SI is a dick sometimes I just need to keep going even though I'm exhausted and tired of being here. I care too much about the people who love me to take away my own life. They help but it is still really hard. I did take a baby step today. I was able to get out of bed which is something I thought I wouldn't be able to do

 

[jgm63]

If you're certain you'd like to order some CTB supplies, then :

Could you order SN (eg from the well known south american river website), and have it sent to a "bed and breakfast", or something similar, ideally one with a non-hotel-like address.
Call the bed and breakfast, tell them you are travelling and will arrive there in a couple of weeks to book a room, but can they keep any parcels for you that turn up in the meantime.
Order various other things (eg meto), and send them there (b.t.w. let us know if you need a meto source and we can advise).

Then show up at the B&B, book a room for 1 night (to compensate them for their services), and collect your stuff, then you can just leave (no need to stay the night unless you want to).

I'm sort of thinking out aloud, but might the above work ?

Alternatively, I think the south american river website have "lockers" that you can sometimes order items to be sent to....

Sorry if I've totally misread the situation.
Bit tired, but trying to help a bit anyway.....

 

[Largeletters]

I definitely understand what you're going through, especially with the "no reliable methods." I wish you didn't feel this way, and I wish so many others didn't have to relate. Every day I wake up, life is the same, nothing is exciting.

We all understand and are here to listen.

 

[LMLN]

If you're certain you'd like to order some CTB supplies, then :

Could you order SN (eg from the well known south american river website), and have it sent to a "bed and breakfast", or something similar, ideally one with a non-hotel-like address.
Call the bed and breakfast, tell them you are travelling and will arrive there in a couple of weeks to book a room, but can they keep any parcels for you that turn up in the meantime.
Order various other things (eg meto), and send them there (b.t.w. let us know if you need a meto source and we can advise).

Then show up at the B&B, book a room for 1 night (to compensate them for their services), and collect your stuff, then you can just leave (no need to stay the night unless you want to).

I'm sort of thinking out aloud, but might the above work ?

Alternatively, I think the south american river website have "lockers" that you can sometimes order items to be sent to....

Sorry if I've totally misread the situation.
Bit tired, but trying to help a bit anyway.....

Unfortunately, at least in my area, the south American river site lockers will not accept SN for delivery. :(

 

[Ghost2211]

Sending you hugs and love. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Thank you all for this overwhelming support. Im a college student and don't really have anyway to order stuff at the moment plus I'm pretty much broke. I'm feeling a little bit better than I was yesterday. It feels so good to have people listen and understand. Thank you all again so much

 

[CuddleHug]

I'm happy to hear today is slightly better than yesterday. That means a lot! Take one day at a time.

You can PM me if you want to talk, I'm a good listener. Always here for you (as you are for me, I remember)

Hugs~