Venting Guys I need your thoughts…

[sully]

I am in a very dark place right now. Not because of me, because of my family. I don't know how I should be with them - kinda prepare them for what will happen and try to cheer them up to live without me or be absolutely cheerful and don't even mention anything like that so it would be unexpexted? What do you think? I go arond and around with these thoughts…

also how do you cope with thoughts that they will have a very hard time without you? Tell me anything.


I just find myself wanting to talk to my mum or dad to be strong and that they will be happy and how it is also my decision… don't know what to do with myself.

they also talk about future to me all the time it makes me going crazy. Basically the question is: insist that there is no future for me or don't say anything?
those of you who talk to me - thanks, I'm close to going insane these days…

 

[9BBN]

I'm always thinking about this, maybe less than you because my date is uncertain. It might help if you can "warn" at least one family member, who will hopefully understand when you go and be some sort of link beyond the grave between your life's suffering and your family.

Also, if you're in a dark place because of your family, know there are ways to reach independence, albeit gradually.

 

[sully]

I

I'm always thinking about this, maybe less than you because my date is uncertain. It might help if you can "warn" at least one family member, who will hopefully understand when you go and be some sort of link beyond the grave between your life's suffering and your family.

Also, if you're in a dark place because of your family, know there are ways to reach independence, albeit gradually.

feel like my sister kinda suspects… but still she doesn't realize. She cant even imagine I would actually do that
Makes it so hard for me…

 

[Fakereality]

I never mention anything about my thoughts to anyone else they won't understand it anyway most are ignorant of how life works and that some humans may just not want no part no part of it and also no matter how hard you tried you cannot fully prepared them for something like that it's better to just be cheerful infront of them so that when they remember you they will remember the cheerful happy days you spend with them there will be regrets in their minds either way but alas that's not something you have a control over.

 

[GreenMile]

I have no family and all my loved ones are dead and gone.

I can't imagine what it is to be in your circumstances: hope you find a place and time to let them know how much you love them and appreciate their love for you.

 

[whywere]

I never had a family and still do not so this is just me talking. As far as if I liked my family it would be very hard to ctb till at least my parents had moved on (died). I totally know that no one wants to be born, but the human experience is that, as like every living thing on this planet, that a lot of people want off spring, me no, and if one is lucky enough to get parents that love their off spring, I could not ctb.

I send you all the caring love that I have coupled with bright blue skies because you are a beautiful person with a kind soul.

Walter

 

[sully]

I never had a family and still do not so this is just me talking. As far as if I liked my family it would be very hard to ctb till at least my parents had moved on (died). I totally know that no one wants to be born, but the human experience is that, as like every living thing on this planet, that a lot of people want off spring, me no, and if one is lucky enough to get parents that love their off spring, I could not ctb.

I send you all the caring love that I have coupled with bright blue skies because you are a beautiful person with a kind soul.

Walter

Well its not a choice for me. Terminal illness which I don't want to progress

 

[puppet_nihilist]

Talking to any non-suicidal human being about suicide plans is always an extremely bad decision with more terrible consequences for both sides involved. However, this also depends on your circumstances and how tolerant the people you're concerned about are to this kind of topic. Just take care.

In addition to:

Also, if you're in a dark place because of your family, know there are ways to reach independence, albeit gradually.

If this is an option for you then it can make for a good compromise given that you believe you won't suffer from it.

 

[JU.]

I cannot open new trheads because I am new. I ordered N (Italy https://www.pcmchimica.it/) and I received two envelopes like that. You say it is good? Also, I wanted to ask you, having no atiemetics, can I go with ctb anyway?

 

[motel rooms]

If you tell them, they're gonna stop you.

 

[Invisible 73]

Idk that there's ever anything that can be said to prepare them. Its not like you're terminally ill. If u give any kind of Aw Bing of your intentions to ctb they're more than likely going to try to stop you. Which can include hospitalizing you. The best thing you can do is write a goodbye letter explaining everything that has lead you to your decision.

However, if the thought of leaving them behind in pain, is too much to bare. Maybe you're just not ready to ctb yet.

 

[motel rooms]

Idk that there's ever anything that can be said to prepare them. Its not like you're terminally ill.

anaboleyn is terminally ill

 

[YourNeighbor]

If you are terminal and medically diagnosed, it definitely makes sense to discuss your plans with your family.

If your prognosis otherwise would entail a long and painful death, they should understand your desire to avoid suffering.

 

[sully]

If you are terminal and medically diagnosed, it definitely makes sense to discuss your plans with your family.

If your prognosis otherwise would entail a long and painful death, they should understand your desire to avoid suffering.

Unfortunately they don't want to hear about it. They somehow think it will « go away ». And I should live while I still can. But I'm afraid that there will be a point when I will not even be able to ctb, tou know?

If you tell them, they're gonna stop you.

Exactly…

 

[YourNeighbor]

Do they not believe your doctors?

 

[sully]

Do they not believe your doctors?

well, i'll be alive for some time and its enough for them. And i dont want to live like this.

 

[logan]

You can't really prepare them for that.
They will do everything to save you - and that is understandable.

But maybe together you can find a way to bring you back to life.

 

[motel rooms]

But maybe together you can find a way to bring you back to life.

?

 

[Invisible 73]

anaboleyn is terminally ill

Oh no, I had no idea!

Unfortunately they don't want to hear about it. They somehow think it will « go away ». And I should live while I still can. But I'm afraid that there will be a point when I will not even be able to ctb, tou know?

Exactly…

I'm so sorry about my earlier reply! I had no idea that you are indeed sick!

 

[sully]

Oh no, I had no idea!

I'm so sorry about my earlier reply! I had no idea that you are indeed sick!

Its ok, you didn't know

 

[PeacePlease]

This past week I was desperate and told my mom I wanted to go, and also my ex. I tend to think about leaving everyday and it feels like the most logical thing for me to do anf it brings me peace sometimes, is the only way to exit this pain. But the look on their faces was heartbraking, it is not so easy for family to see it the way we see it. Also now my mom wont let me go back to my house for some time because I live alone and she doesn´t want me to do anything. I have the urge to tell people around me but the rality is they will be supportive to us, but definetly not supportive of us taking our lives. So If I ever try this again my best option is to not tell anyone, they wont be accepting of this and will try to stop it at all costs. If Im sure I want to go and if there is sommething I have to say I guess I rather leave a letter it doesnt matter how long is has to be. It's my experience

 

[sully]

This past week I was desperate and told my mom I wanted to go, and also my ex. I tend to think about leaving everyday and it feels like the most logical thing for me to do anf it brings me peace sometimes, is the only way to exit this pain. But the look on their faces was heartbraking, it is not so easy for family to see it the way we see it. Also now my mom wont let me go back to my house for some time because I live alone and she doesn´t want me to do anything. I have the urge to tell people around me but the rality is they will be supportive to us, but definetly not supportive of us taking our lives. So If I ever try this again my best option is to not tell anyone, they wont be accepting of this and will try to stop it at all costs. If Im sure I want to go and if there is sommething I have to say I guess I rather leave a letter it doesnt matter how long is has to be. It's my experience

I was thinking the same… its so hard

 

[chocolatebar]

I think it's too difficult for us to help you with that, because only you know your family and your situation well enough to make this decision. I told all my family that I want to ctb, and it didn't work well, but your situation is different, because you're ill. Maybe your family will be able to understand and find some comfort, but, again, only you are the one who can imagine their reaction.

I don't know if I'm being helpful, but I'm being sincere.
Wish you the best <3

 

[Makko]

Once that djinn is out of the bottle, your relationship will change forever and not for the better. Besides the other obvious advantages, it'll be less mentally cumbersome for you if they don't know.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess we all have different situations, but personally I would keep things to myself as others would get in the way and try and stop me. I don't think telling others about it in advance would make them feel better in any way. I know my family would have a hard time without me, but at the end of the day it is just the way things are.

 

[angelus]

My situation is very similar. Your health issues will not make them uderstand or accept it, and I suppose you're thinking the same way. My parents are used to me telling about ctb, because they don't believe I could be serious.
The idea of letting them behind in unbearable pain, drives me crazy too.
I suppose it's best to ignore those thoughts, to focus somehow on other things. It is hard. But when my parents argue with me and shame me, and make me feel like shit, there are moments when it becomes a very easy decision. In those moments I realise how unbearable my pain will be in the future, and it's not worth to spare others, who don't care about you, and suffer to please them. They might love you very much, I know how it is, but in the end it's all an illusion, they just love themselves in your presence, not you genuinely. This is how all parents and all humans are. It's normal. But I don't think it's ok to suffer for their selfish pleasure.
Edit: I found this decision as hard as you find it now. This is why personally I'd like to find a partner. This would help me move my focus away from my family, and lower the guilt feeling.
Edit 2: my argues with my parents, which drive me desperate and make me cry, are also filling my heart with anger, not in a way to hate them, not at all, but in a way to feel detached and careless about them after my ctb.

 

[logan]

?

Together with the family ...

 

[YourNeighbor]

Others pointed out that you know your family best. I can't imagine they would want you to suffer, though I'm sure they want you around as long as possible.

One option would be to prepare for when things become unbearable, and try to enjoy as much as possible whatever time you have left that you can tolerate. Then, taking the ultimate step. If you bring your family into your plans (assuming they are aware of your terminal condition), they may want to be with you at the end. Many people who seek death with dignity set things up to not be alone at the end.

If you have some time, use it, you'll find the best outcome eventually.

One thing I found useful is listening to podcasts about terminally ill people taking about their end plans. There are many out there.

 

[IWantToGoFast]

The way I see it, this scenario offers 2 choices:
1. you can tell them, but more then likely they are going to try and save, comfort, help you. It's very hard for a non-suicidal person to understand our pain. If you're not sure about your CTB, have second thoughts, you have hope, then I think that telling them is the right thing. Everyone needs help there is no shame in asking for it. And there is no shame in accepting it.

2. Not tell them in which case you'll feel guilty, and all the lies and pretending will be painful. This is my option at the present time. As I feel like I don't have much time left, I opted to speak to my parents 3 times a week via video chat (they live in another country), tell them I love them very much, tell them I'm fine, help them with daily life from a distance etc. In the suicide note, I made a section specific to them explaining my reasons, transmitting my love, reassure them that this is what I wanted and this is the best course for me.
I tried to live for others but I don't have the strength left to go on. For them not to suffer I had to suffer and I carried my cross for as long as I could, it's just too heavy now and I can't no more.

Consider yourself as the centre of the universe, just one time, and see which sacrifice makes you happy: sacrificing your life or sacrificing your fear of telling them and get help.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

I am in a very dark place right now. Not because of me, because of my family. I don't know how I should be with them - kinda prepare them for what will happen and try to cheer them up to live without me or be absolutely cheerful and don't even mention anything like that so it would be unexpexted? What do you think? I go arond and around with these thoughts…

also how do you cope with thoughts that they will have a very hard time without you? Tell me anything.


I just find myself wanting to talk to my mum or dad to be strong and that they will be happy and how it is also my decision… don't know what to do with myself.

they also talk about future to me all the time it makes me going crazy. Basically the question is: insist that there is no future for me or don't say anything?
those of you who talk to me - thanks, I'm close to going insane these days…

As someone who has done something kind of similar before an attempt and lived through the consequences, I strongly suggest that you communicate such thoughts after the fact (note, delayed email, etc). You can get across your thoughts and absolve them of any guilt that you're worried about without the added stress of trying to make them believe you or trying to avoid a trip to the psych ward when they do. I know you want to soften the blow, but in most cases there really is no way to do that in my opinion.

The benefits that you imagine of comforting them are unlikely to make it through the fog of denial, dismissiveness, and all the other defense mechanisms that they will be employing to avoid having to think about losing you. Arguing with people who don't believe you or trying to brush aside their vision of a rosy future is just more stress and heartache you would be placing upon yourself.

Ultimately only you can decide what is best for yourself, but I just want you to really think about whether it would be a net positive or net negative experience for you.