guilt

[raiseurweapon]

how do u deal with the guilt of the thoughts u have? i constantly think about taking my life or just flat out disappearing. my family is very dysfunctional, not loving, cold, etc. even when i was younger and i'd stay out all night they wouldn't even care to ask. but i feel awful for the way i think, i know they try their best to show they care. but i am so mentally fucked. i can't love anyone the right way, i feel utterly useless. i can't keep friends, and not even family at this point. it fucking sucks being alone and feeling alone 24/7. i have maybe two friends and they're from different states. i'm tired of getting up everyday, i sleep around 11am and sleep until midnight. it's so hard to keep going day to day. and honestly the list is very short on reasons to stay. my animals are the only reason i'm still here. i feel as if i can't just abandon the one thing that actually relies on me. however, cats live a long time and i don't think i can wait an extra 7 years to be absolutely miserable. i just don't want to feel selfish but this emotional fucking torment causes me to lash out everyday. i just want someone to care enough to at least ask why i act the way i do. i wouldn't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy. i've waited for so long for things to get worse. i am so tired despite sleeping 24/7

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't feel guilty about the thoughts on their own. I think there are specific reasons why we start to feel suicidal and those are quite often out of our control.

I do have guilt on the idea of actually going ahead with it certainly. So much so that I don't want to do it while my Dad is still alive. Currently- after that- the rest of my relations are step relations and not very close- or- very distant family and friends. So- I suppose I feel like- once my Dad has gone- my pain of staying would outweigh their pain of me leaving type thing.

That said- I've lived and worked alone the past 5 years- so now would actually be the best time for me to go. I'm just about to start a new job though- which means new people and new responsibilities. I don't know how that's going to affect things.

Guilt is such a difficult thing to get over really. I think only the individual knows when they have reached their tipping point. I know how you feel though. I'm sorry.

 

[raiseurweapon]

I don't feel guilty about the thoughts on their own. I think there are specific reasons why we start to feel suicidal and those are quite often out of our control.

I do have guilt on the idea of actually going ahead with it certainly. So much so that I don't want to do it while my Dad is still alive. Currently- after that- the rest of my relations are step relations and not very close- or- very distant family and friends. So- I suppose I feel like- once my Dad has gone- my pain of staying would outweigh their pain of me leaving type thing.

That said- I've lived and worked alone the past 5 years- so now would actually be the best time for me to go. I'm just about to start a new job though- which means new people and new responsibilities. I don't know how that's going to affect things.

Guilt is such a difficult thing to get over really. I think only the individual knows when they have reached their tipping point. I know how you feel though. I'm sorry.

yeah. i relate to a lot of this. goodluck on ur new job though, im sorry too

 

[mothman._.]

how do u deal with the guilt of the thoughts u have? i constantly think about taking my life or just flat out disappearing. my family is very dysfunctional, not loving, cold, etc. even when i was younger and i'd stay out all night they wouldn't even care to ask. but i feel awful for the way i think, i know they try their best to show they care. but i am so mentally fucked. i can't love anyone the right way, i feel utterly useless. i can't keep friends, and not even family at this point. it fucking sucks being alone and feeling alone 24/7. i have maybe two friends and they're from different states. i'm tired of getting up everyday, i sleep around 11am and sleep until midnight. it's so hard to keep going day to day. and honestly the list is very short on reasons to stay. my animals are the only reason i'm still here. i feel as if i can't just abandon the one thing that actually relies on me. however, cats live a long time and i don't think i can wait an extra 7 years to be absolutely miserable. i just don't want to feel selfish but this emotional fucking torment causes me to lash out everyday. i just want someone to care enough to at least ask why i act the way i do. i wouldn't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy. i've waited for so long for things to get worse. i am so tired despite sleeping 24/7

i feel guilty constantly. my family is awesome, i have a strong support system, i am able bodied and healthy. i have everything one could possibly want yet i still despise every second i still live. it feels beyond ungrateful to want to die when i have what most would consider a pretty good life but my mind is tearing me apart. it will be unfair to my family and friends when i ctb and my goal for when i do is to make certain that they know that my decision has nothing to do with them.

 

[raiseurweapon]

i feel guilty constantly. my family is awesome, i have a strong support system, i am able bodied and healthy. i have everything one could possibly want yet i still despise every second i still live. it feels beyond ungrateful to want to die when i have what most would consider a pretty good life but my mind is tearing me apart. it will be unfair to my family and friends when i ctb and my goal for when i do is to make certain that they know that my decision has nothing to do with them.

yeah, i get incredibly sad when my family spends any kinda money on me. it feels as if it's a waste because i know myself and i know im not gonna let myself grow old and miserable. i really don't want to hurt them. it really sucks.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring having to deal with guilt, but I could never feel guilty for being suicidal, as in my case my thoughts of suicide are just the natural response to existing here in this hellish world and are what feel right for me. I could never wish to associate with existing and I certainly view death as being the more preferable option for me, as I don't see any value in having to suffer.
And after all, I simply never asked to be burdened with existence so why would I ever feel guilty for wanting to leave. Existing could never be an obligation and if other people don't want to deal with loss then they shouldn't bring life here in the first place. Death is the most normal and inevitable thing, all that we are destined for is to cease existing and be forgotten about and suicide is just the refusal to delay our inevitable fate.

 

[raiseurweapon]

It must be tiring having to deal with guilt, but I could never feel guilty for being suicidal, as in my case my thoughts of suicide are just the natural response to existing here in this hellish world and are what feel right for me. I could never wish to associate with existing and I certainly view death as being the more preferable option for me, as I don't see any value in having to suffer.
And after all, I simply never asked to be burdened with existence so why would I ever feel guilty for wanting to leave. Existing could never be an obligation and if other people don't want to deal with loss then they shouldn't bring life here in the first place. Death is the most normal and inevitable thing, all that we are destined for is to cease existing and be forgotten about and suicide is just the refusal to delay our inevitable fate.

honestly wish i had this mindset. it's so true, i've let people walk over me my entire life. never spoke about how i felt because my feelings would constantly be invalidated. i don't know why i even feel guilty for it, guess it's just a human thing