Guilt fucking sucks

[theRetroHawk]

I'm laying here in bed, I suppose you could say having an anxiety attack because I'm just so done. I never feel like doing anything I literally just sit and never can motivate myself to even so much as move sometimes and im so done tonight I figure I just get a tie and do partial hanging or whatever but I literally am having the thoughts race through my mind about my parents finding me and my poor animals not understanding why I am suddenly gone. I just want to end it all so bad, I'm legitimately sad yet I can't even bring myself to cry. If anyone has any words or anything please I just can't even take it and I don't have anyone to turn to I'm just Uber depressed right now and cant bring myself to ctb.

P.S. I just fucking can't even put into words what I'm thinking right now I keep typing stuff and deleting it I just want to cry. Fuck.

 

[Anri_wants_peace]

i get that sometimes...the feeling that you just can't make your head go silent even for a second :(
it's probably laughable but i send you a virtual hug :^) my fellow member
hopefully we can escape this soon and whit no more pain than the one we alredy feel

 

[Mitsumi]

I hope you feel better soon. I ve had that it's the worst.

 

[theRetroHawk]

i get that sometimes...the feeling that you just can't make your head go silent even for a second :(
it's probably laughable but i send you a virtual hug :^) my fellow member
hopefully we can escape this soon and whit no more pain than the one we alredy feel

You have no idea how much this means to me, thank you it's all just so much overwhelming pain, I am grateful you took the time to respond as I feel so empty and lonely right now.

I hope you feel better soon. I ve had that it's the worst.

Thank you friend, It sucks because it's late at night but I might just take a bunch of edibles to numb the pain and help me sleep.

 

[jbear824]

I hate having those tethers to life. I understand the panic and anger about that.

 

[theRetroHawk]

I hate having those tethers to life. I understand the panic and anger about that.

Yes it's like I know what I want and I have come to peace with leaving but due to these connections I have to this life I cannot bring myself to go and have them suffer.

 

[jbear824]

Yes it's like I know what I want and I have come to peace with leaving but due to these connections I have to this life I cannot bring myself to go and have them suffer.

It's like being caught in a trap. And that's what life feels like. And these things like love, and connection, are just more traps within the larger one. It drives me absolutely mad.

 

[trappedmamma]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I'm terrified of the pain and aftermath too. This is why I plan to go to a forest so my family doesn't find me (not encouraging you or anybody else to ctb. I can't cry for more than a couple of minutes despite the absolute agony.

I wish I had some encouraging words or could help take the pain away. I hope you are at peace soon, whatever you decide is best. You're not alone.