Guilt and shame that I cannot remove

[reverse03]

I always have this feeling of guilt and shame that I cannot remove. Everytime that I am out with other people, I always feel ashamed adn guilty. I always think that I am covered in some dirt and shits that other people is avoiding. I always felt that they are avoiding me. I cannot look straight ahead. I always sit at the corner of the room. Everytime that I am at work or anywhere I always think that I am not allowed to be in there or don't have any rights to even exist. I cannot remove this guilt and shame even though I don't know where it is coming from. I want to connect to others but I can't do it. I want to ctb but I also want to hope that things can change for me. I cannot hold on any longer.

Sorry if this thread is not for recovery section.

 

[anamikaa94]

I feel you.❤

 

[Regen]

That must be a terrible feeling. I feel sorry for your pain.

 

[timf]

Guilt and shame can be useful if they motivate us to correct something about which we should feel guilty or ashamed. However, after whatever can be done to correct things, guilt and shame no longer have a purpose.

It is possible to have feelings of guilt and shame that have no basis in reality. This can come from a mental construct. Similar to how one can become addicted to alcohol or drugs, one can create a mental process that in some way provides sensations that become addictive. This is more often observed with people for whom a fantasy (often sexual) becomes a source of stimulation. However, it can also form from negative imagery.

One approach to altering the effect such a construct can have is to deflate it periodically with doses of reality. For example, when these thoughts are particularly strong, you might use the opportunity to counter them intentionally with thoughts that you know are realistic. This can help deconstruct the mental process.

One may also wish to consider what sustains the thoughts. For example, such feelings (even though they are negative) can give one a sense of importance and attention they might be lacking in their real world.

 

[reverse03]

I always portray a strong and independent person by others. It looks like I can do all things by my own. Since I am a child they called me a bright child, a smart and quick to learn kid. Then high school came, I suddenly felt all alone, no real connections to others. Always left behind. No talents; cannot sing, cannot dance, draw, play instruments, or anything. I don't see any value on myself. I always take responsibilities, because I can only see my value for others if I am doing something for them. I am just a hollow shell. An empty mask. I hate myself. I hate that I didn't invest in myself. I hate that I am depressed. I hate that I feel these things.

 

[freedomcalls]

How old are you reverse?

It can take some time to find your place in the world….

Also, this may be an unpopular opinion but I do believe the world needs the people who are willing to take responsibility and care for others… maybe in time you will be able to find ways to do that which matter to you too….?

Personally, I chair a community charity because it gives me a sense of value as person; but it also contributes to making the world a slightly easier place for others in it

 

[reverse03]

How old are you reverse?

It can take some time to find your place in the world….

Also, this may be an unpopular opinion but I do believe the world needs the people who are willing to take responsibility and care for others… maybe in time you will be able to find ways to do that which matter to you too….?

Personally, I chair a community charity because it gives me a sense of value as person; but it also contributes to making the world a slightly easier place for others in it

I am 25 years old. I am always looking for something but I cannot find it. I am always discouraged every time. I always fail and cannot recover from it. Serving others I can do but my facial expression is always grumpy and sad.