MANGIONESHUSBAND
Member
- Jan 28, 2025
- 31
My dad died a little over a year ago and this is not some fucking "oh poor me my dad died thread" cuz lots of people have dead dads you know? My point is more so for as long as I've been suicidal which is almost 12 years at this point (ok not really suicidal just depressed and flirting with the possibility of suicide). I was convinced I'd be the first to die in my family. Like I'd be the one to die. I've even thought about becoming a family annihilator so that we all die together but I've backed off on that. But I feel like I'm angry that my dad died first. I know it's selfish and awful but I was kind of supposed to be the one to die first in my family and he sort of stole my spot. And it's even worse because he didn't want to die. He died of a fucking heart attack. And he was incredibly fucking young as well. Well not exactly young middle aged but like young for a dad. I barely grieve him I just spend hours feeling empty all the time. If anything her probably insult me for being suicidal and being on this forum. But I feel like I'm not even allowed to die because my dad already died and everyone is gonna assume it's because he died like no I just was ready to die. At twenty one. People are so weird. I don't know. I knew I was supposed to be the first to die in my family. I don't even know what I'm thinking.
