Venting Grieving lost members

[rs929]

@Lost10 and @Abir_london

It seems they're gone and I was there in the last moments. I keep thinking if it was really their time, and if I could have said something different.

I have been centered on my own depression till recently that I was unable to see all the stuff going on. And it's just so sad.

Ám I evil? I can't be a pro lifer because I wanted to die so much. I still want to die. So it wouldn't be ethical to forbid others what I want for myself. But I keep questioning if maybe some people here could have been helped in a different manner.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

The past is in the past, we can't change it (we can't change the future either, but that's irrelevant). "Could have" is such a big source of suffering, and completely illusory.

 

[Dead beat dad]

@Lost10 and @Abir_london

It seems they're gone and I was there in the last moments. I keep thinking if it was really their time, and if I could have said something different.

I have been centered on my own depression till recently that I was unable to see all the stuff going on. And it's just so sad.

Ám I evil? I can't be a pro lifer because I wanted to die so much. I still want to die. So it wouldn't be ethical to forbid others what I want for myself. But I keep questioning if maybe some people here could have been helped in a different manner.

I don't think you are evil at all friend, or selfish or any of the other myriad of things that get levelled at us by those who don't understand.

If you care and have compassion it's understandable that you don't want to see those you are close to (or anyone else for that matter) hurt.

I think part of the difference here is respect for choice, and that inevitably make for some painful times.

Love and respect to you brother

DBD

 

[booray]

Neither one of them actually posted a goodbye thread, so it's possible that they did not ctb. Even if they did, we have to accept the inevitability that not all of us can or want to recover. And there is only so much that we can do for one another as anonymous participants in this forum, when each of us is dealing with our own demons. I think the best that we can do is to acknowledge each other's suffering and offer advice, knowing that some of us will sooner or later succumb to the reasons that brought us here in the first place.

 

[WornOutLife]

Neither one of them actually posted a goodbye thread, so it's possible that they did not ctb. Even if they did, we have to accept the inevitability that not all of us can or want to recover. And there is only so much that we can do for one another as anonymous participants in this forum, when each of us is dealing with our own demons. I think the best that we can do is to acknowledge each other's suffering and offer advice, knowing that some of us will sooner or later succumb to the reasons that brought us here in the first place.

I totally agree with your words.

I always try to help them but I respect the final decision of those people.

Of course it makes me sad to see them leave this world but at least, they're finally at peace.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i remember being the last person someone talked to. it can be a difficult thing to deal with. without being that person its impossible to know whats best, but much like anyone that is in their last moments, they need to be loved as well and im grateful to be able to make a moment in their life, even if its their last, better.

 

[Meretlein]

You are not evil for wanting your friends to still be here.

I have lost many friends here but two people have stuck with me, they are @schopenh and @SadGuyWannaDie. Like you I also didn't want them to die and I would have been by their side if they had chosen differently. However they never chose to be born and to have the harms and costs of life push them to suicidality. Who was I to say that they had to endure longer? The blind preservation of life and the potential for future pleasure, (often assuming that pleasurable experiences will always be worth the past suffering it took to experience them) instead of the definite prevention of suffering is a line of thought I try to avoid.

 

[Into The Void]

@Lost10 and @Abir_london

It seems they're gone and I was there in the last moments. I keep thinking if it was really their time, and if I could have said something different.

I have been centered on my own depression till recently that I was unable to see all the stuff going on. And it's just so sad.

Ám I evil? I can't be a pro lifer because I wanted to die so much. I still want to die. So it wouldn't be ethical to forbid others what I want for myself. But I keep questioning if maybe some people here could have been helped in a different manner.

There's no point in dwelling on the past except to help your future or someone else's future. Besides, what's the big deal anyway? They just went to another dimension in the afterlife. I'm sure they are safe and sound.

 

[JamieD]

I lost two very close friends in the past 12 months, one of whom i knew had it planned and in fact I was the last person she spoke to. I did try to talk her down as they say but I knew it was in vain. She had suffered so much and while leaving behind two children, she was satisifed they would be cared for. My view then as it is now is this. Yes she was making the ultimate choice but she also chose me to be there at the end and that to me was a privilege. To be that friend, that companion who while trying to save is also willing to accept....that is the greatest challenge and knowing she felt free and at peace was all I needed to know that when the time comes, I will join her.

So don't beat yourself up. When someone has chosen their path, all we can do is be there and be supportive and caring.

 

[inthemoonblue]

At the end of the day, you really can't control what others do. Someone who is dedicated to ctb is going to do it, and nothing you say could make a difference. On the other hand, being there for someone in their last moments provides a very special kind of support for them that they likely couldn't get anywhere else. That's how I try to cope with goodbye threads.. helping someone feel heard and cared for in their last moments, that unfortunately may be the best we can do.

 

[loopylou]

I have lost friends to suicide, and quite a few of them. It sucks :(