Venting Grasping anew the surreality of my family

[GoodPersonEffed]

I have been writing various drafts of a possible cbt letter to my family.

It's not the first time I've realized that no matter how I say things, they just don't hear me. They have always had filters that distort whatever I say.

We haven't spoken in several years. They shunned me because I wouldn't let it drop about the childhood abuse; because I won't agree to the official family story that justifies their actions and minimizes the severity of the abuse; because I discovered that lifelong low back pain was actually a huge soft tissue ossification caused by a severe blunt force trauma I have no memory of and so made a justifiable accusation.

So after writing and crying and then realizing once again how my efforts won't yield the results I want, I had an epiphany:

They might not just perceive me as wrong. They may actually perceive me as abusive to them.

It's just another one of those realizations that throws me off balance when I grasp how truly surreal their version of reality is.

And the world is that kind of surreal as well.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that, and yes, writing a CTB letter can be pretty challenging both intellectually and emotionally, especially when you have so much to say and then worried about how they will react, how they will receive it, etc. One thing I kept in mind is that once I'm dead, gone from this world, it wouldn't matter how they react to it, though I still strive to reduce the chances of misinterpretations and really drive the point home.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through.

I know exactly how denial of childhood abuse can continue to haunt you in its own ways well into adulthood.

So after writing and crying and then realizing once again how my efforts won't yield the results I want,

Someone on this forum described this as "slot-machining" recently. I think that is a great analogy. We gamble knowing the odds are against us, but we are addicted to the idea that "maybe, one of these times, i'll strike it rich". It'll never happen.

Have you considered juts writing the letters as an exercise in catharsis, and simply not sending them?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through.

I know exactly how denial of childhood abuse can continue to haunt you in its own ways well into adulthood.



Someone on this forum described this as "slot-machining" recently. I think that is a great analogy. We gamble knowing the odds are against us, but we are addicted to the idea that "maybe, one of these times, i'll strike it rich". It'll never happen.

Have you considered juts writing the letters as an exercise in catharsis, and simply not sending them?

Oh blush! I'm the one who's been spreading the slot-machining analogy. Ain't it great? I came across it recently on a video about recognizing and recovering from covert aggression and narcissism. Your "strike it rich" just enriched it for me. Have now integrated into the analogy, blush back when you see it out there!

All that draft writing has in fact been cathartic and I've benefitted in a variety of ways.

Thank you for the good stuff you brought here, including your empathy and compassion. I often appreciate your posts.

I'm sorry to hear that, and yes, writing a CTB letter can be pretty challenging both intellectually and emotionally, especially when you have so much to say and then worried about how they will react, how they will receive it, etc. One thing I kept in mind is that once I'm dead, gone from this world, it wouldn't matter how they react to it, though I still strive to reduce the chances of misinterpretations and really drive the point home.

@Reallyreallyreally just posted about personal responsibility. It has helped me refocus. I cannot make them understand anything (see @Backwood_tilt "strike it rich" comment above), just make easier to manage the responsibilities that will be placed on them. But in agreement with what you said about what no longer matters once I'm dead, I no longer care about my body, obituary, or rituals, which I resisted when someone mentioned to me in a related thread I posted. Their spaghetti stuck.

I appreciate your posts as well.