Got to Love myself more

[dandan]

So, in short words, I need to understand that my own love to my own self is important.
I want to find way to love my self more, so I dont want to go insulting and bullying myself no more.
I need to find love with someone else too, because we are not meant to live alone, we're meant to live in love.
I lost a love partner, she's gone because I asked her too.. .I was afraid depression came back in and get her involved, damm, serious mistake caring more for her than for my own wellbeing.... now she's happy with someone else, cool for her, but what about me? and the city I live in, she's like the one of the small group of people I like.
Damm...
I want to love myself more... I dont know how, I've got some idea,,, can you share any thought ?

 

[noaccount]

I am very very glad you are finding ways not to bully or insult yourself anymore. Also it's BS that our society says "needy" or "attention seeking" like they're bad things, it's healthy and important to talk about what your needs are.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Maybe some classic CTB stuff, "act like you love yourself". Tell people to fuck off if you don't have time, arm yourself in case someone robs your house, value your health and body, do what you enjoy doing, prioritize your future, etc.

 

[timf]

I am not sure "loving yourself" is the right remedy. The pain from a break up is similar to the pain from being in a car accident. There has to be time to heal. When you invest so much of yourself in another that is love. When it is broken, usually only time can mend things.

There is a risk in "loving oneself" that selfishness can be cultivated. This can seem desirable because if the insulating properties it can produce. However, this insulation also can be a barrier to future relationships.

The take away from the pain of your breakup may be more honesty with people in the future. If you make decisions for them, the pain you feel can be somewhat self-inflicted.

The self-critical element you describe may be similar to other types of self-harm like cutting. This can be more about a need for control or to make a payment of some kind. These thoughts may be better managed by subjecting them to an intentional analysis. If each time one of these thoughts arise you ask yourself if it is really true, you may be able to find a new method of control as well as diffuse the compulsion energy of these thoughts.