Venting Got smarter, thought over my situation, realised there is no future for me

[isthisit?]

Life was never really normal to me. I was having problems with keeping my emotions in check in kindergarten. By the time I was half way though middle school I was starting to have problems with my classmates and grades and in the end I decided to change schools to some private one. Then I found out the hard way that private school teachers aren't always better then public school ones and in the end after I graduated, I couldn't get into any high school. This ended up being a problem because I come from a family that expects a lot because my sisters achieved a lot. My parents ended up telling me to move out in the next 3 monts and start studying. I tried studying for about 2 and a half years. I failed to get in multiple times until I thought over my situation. I ended up doing an In depth study about my future. I asked jobs and schools if they would let someone like me work or study for them. All they could tell me is that it would be too big of a risk to employ someone like me. Then I posted on r/suicidewatch before finding tantacrulz video and then finding this place. I still wonder what would have happened if I had stayed in the public school. I probably wouldn't be here. I probably would be in a university right now.

Thanks for reading if you did.

 

[Kore]

Hey @isthisit? i appreciate you, I've been through something kinda similar myself. Idk if you've seen or heard of the film 'Sliding Doors'?

If not, brief overview (if yes just skip) a woman walks into a guy by accident while trying to catch a train, and misses the train. Stuff happens. Time rewinds, and she didn't bump into the guy, caught the train. The movie then continues flicking between both versions of her life, of how different things went just from that one tiny action. Semi-spoiler, the differences are life changing o.O

I can trace a solid 3 or 4 life changing moments or split decisions or actions I've taken that could've sent my life down absolute different directions, hindsight is never fun ig

One thing that's funny, if I'm ever (for example) rushing for work, get to my car and realize I've forgotten something and need to go back, I suddenly roll my eyes wondering if I've just set in motion the chain of events leading to some catastrophe lmao