thatguyakira123
Experienced
- Apr 10, 2018
- 217
You know just yesterday I was thinking, maybe I could live this life but then this happned. Long story short, new years is here, I buy papaers to find a job, I applied even to ones I don't like via email. Few I had to call in. The ones that I called into were a bust and I haven't gotten an email or call from the others.
Mom asked me this morning about them, told her the truth, mom tried to emotionally blakmail me by telling me like she had to get a job cuz money is getting tight. Now 95% of the times I DO NOT ARGUE WITH MY MOM. But I just couldn't take it anymore and told her how not having a job for so long makes me feel. Like all the shit she worries about I go through it all the time. I told her I will tell her when I get something and that she acts as if it's my fault that I don't have a job. Now that is somewhat true when it comes to calling in for a job due to my anxiety but even then so I push through only to be rejected by the places I'm calling. Not to mention the job market here is limited. There's literally no variety.
She says that she might die soon cuz old, and she doesn't want me on the streets when she dies. I LITERALLY WORRY ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME! Ofcourse she's acting like this cuz a recent family memeber died. And ofcourse she lies and says she doesn't harrass me about it cuz she knows I will argue when literally she does it all the time, remind me about it in the few times I get peace and forget about it and I literally don't make a big deal about it. She literally doesn't take my feelings into account, all she wants is for me to get something weather or not it'll make me miserable all so that her feelings can be spared. If she really cared about my feelings she would realized how much this hurts me and would not push me. After we argued I apologized, but it doesn't matter. Even though I am calm and silent 95% of the times the 5% is all they every remember. She has yet to apologize to me, but that's how it goes when I'm from. Apologes are non exsistent.
Fuckign bitch should've had her tubes tied, that way she wouldn't have an asshat of an abusive son who's my older brother and I wouldn't have been born to "fix" him. What's ironic is that bitch doesn't know that when I do get a job, it's to make money to kill myself. Hell if she dies 1st I'm killing myself. And if suicide wasn't demonized she would've gotten comfort knowing this. I wish I was dead.
Mom asked me this morning about them, told her the truth, mom tried to emotionally blakmail me by telling me like she had to get a job cuz money is getting tight. Now 95% of the times I DO NOT ARGUE WITH MY MOM. But I just couldn't take it anymore and told her how not having a job for so long makes me feel. Like all the shit she worries about I go through it all the time. I told her I will tell her when I get something and that she acts as if it's my fault that I don't have a job. Now that is somewhat true when it comes to calling in for a job due to my anxiety but even then so I push through only to be rejected by the places I'm calling. Not to mention the job market here is limited. There's literally no variety.
She says that she might die soon cuz old, and she doesn't want me on the streets when she dies. I LITERALLY WORRY ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME! Ofcourse she's acting like this cuz a recent family memeber died. And ofcourse she lies and says she doesn't harrass me about it cuz she knows I will argue when literally she does it all the time, remind me about it in the few times I get peace and forget about it and I literally don't make a big deal about it. She literally doesn't take my feelings into account, all she wants is for me to get something weather or not it'll make me miserable all so that her feelings can be spared. If she really cared about my feelings she would realized how much this hurts me and would not push me. After we argued I apologized, but it doesn't matter. Even though I am calm and silent 95% of the times the 5% is all they every remember. She has yet to apologize to me, but that's how it goes when I'm from. Apologes are non exsistent.
Fuckign bitch should've had her tubes tied, that way she wouldn't have an asshat of an abusive son who's my older brother and I wouldn't have been born to "fix" him. What's ironic is that bitch doesn't know that when I do get a job, it's to make money to kill myself. Hell if she dies 1st I'm killing myself. And if suicide wasn't demonized she would've gotten comfort knowing this. I wish I was dead.
