Venting got into an argument with a friend about ctb

[f1lth]

i went over to a friends yesterday (not sure we're still friends now though) and we were drinking. I dont quite remember how it came up but i very reluctantly told them i was planning to ctb but didnt because the date was too close to two of my friends birthdays (i just really wanted it to end but i realized i couldnt do that to my friends, so i changed the date, but i didnt tell them i had changed the date, just that i decided to not go through with it.) this was after they had pestered me a bit to be honest about how im doing, because i guess they somehow knew i was lying. So i told them and i was very careful while i was telling them, i even clarified that im not telling them so they feel responsible for me or my actions, that im just trying to be honest with them and that i dont want them to worry about me. After i was done they didnt say anything in response to what i had just said even though they asked me to tell them, just checked their phone and said "sorry my friend just texted me". They responded to the text and then completely dropped the subject, so i did too. I was definitely a little hurt because it felt like they didnt care but i was kind of glad to not talk about it anymore. We were talking about something else when i guess i said something that set them off (i think i said "stop asking me things you dont want the actual answer to", i cant remember why honestly) but they started yelling and they said some very hurtful things, like how theyre not responsible for this or how i feel (after i had already explained that i knew that and didnt want them to think they were responsible for keeping me alive). After a bit of us yelling back and forth i told them i was going to go smoke a cigarette, but i guess i slammed their door because they immediately opened it and told me "i was not to slam their doors and i was to get off their property right now" this felt extreme to me, i didnt think i slammed the door (although i believe i did, i was fairly upset at the moment, but i never try to slam anything) and i also couldnt drive and it was getting dark out. So i agreed and tried to go back inside for my stuff but they stopped me and told me i was not to come back into their house. But im already stranded here and too drunk to drive so i push past them and grab my stuff and then walk out the front door. i walked for a mile before calling my sister to see if she could pick me up which thankfully she could. Sorry this is just a stupid rant, i hope its legible, im just still so upset. An hour before it all went down they were telling me how i was their only true friend and how they feel fully safe with me, now what ? i feel stupid and sad, i was already terrified to tell them.

 

[AshClouds]

I'm really sorry happened to you. Unfortunately most people view suicidals as freaks of nature, or just bad people.

Maybe after some time, your friends would be willing to listen and you'll get to make amends. Hopefully that will happen.

 

[uniqueusername4]

i went over to a friends yesterday (not sure we're still friends now though) and we were drinking. I dont quite remember how it came up but i very reluctantly told them i was planning to ctb but didnt because the date was too close to two of my friends birthdays (i just really wanted it to end but i realized i couldnt do that to my friends, so i changed the date, but i didnt tell them i had changed the date, just that i decided to not go through with it.) this was after they had pestered me a bit to be honest about how im doing, because i guess they somehow knew i was lying. So i told them and i was very careful while i was telling them, i even clarified that im not telling them so they feel responsible for me or my actions, that im just trying to be honest with them and that i dont want them to worry about me. After i was done they didnt say anything in response to what i had just said even though they asked me to tell them, just checked their phone and said "sorry my friend just texted me". They responded to the text and then completely dropped the subject, so i did too. I was definitely a little hurt because it felt like they didnt care but i was kind of glad to not talk about it anymore. We were talking about something else when i guess i said something that set them off (i think i said "stop asking me things you dont want the actual answer to", i cant remember why honestly) but they started yelling and they said some very hurtful things, like how theyre not responsible for this or how i feel (after i had already explained that i knew that and didnt want them to think they were responsible for keeping me alive). After a bit of us yelling back and forth i told them i was going to go smoke a cigarette, but i guess i slammed their door because they immediately opened it and told me "i was not to slam their doors and i was to get off their property right now" this felt extreme to me, i didnt think i slammed the door (although i believe i did, i was fairly upset at the moment, but i never try to slam anything) and i also couldnt drive and it was getting dark out. So i agreed and tried to go back inside for my stuff but they stopped me and told me i was not to come back into their house. But im already stranded here and too drunk to drive so i push past them and grab my stuff and then walk out the front door. i walked for a mile before calling my sister to see if she could pick me up which thankfully she could. Sorry this is just a stupid rant, i hope its legible, im just still so upset. An hour before it all went down they were telling me how i was their only true friend and how they feel fully safe with me, now what ? i feel stupid and sad, i was already terrified to tell them.

:( I'm sorry you're going through this. I lost a relationship last week due to being honest with him about my suicidal thoughts. It hurts. I hope things get better soon!

 

[Kasumi]

Thank you for the reminder.
Eventually when people tell me things like what they told you (like u're being their best friend they trust u blabla) I tend to believe them, because I know that I carefully think about those things and only say what I actually mean, but that's sadly not normally the case for other people.
They're quick to say something but never think about it if they actually mean it.
They call you their friend without ever thinking about if they would actually support you or if they'd choose to betray you after all.

It's sad, and I'm sorry those people tricked you into believing in them.
People like that are at most good enough to hang out and have fun with, but not to share personal thoughts and feelings with.

I wish for nothing more than to be able to be myself, to be able to be honest about my thoughts and feelings, and for others to make an effort to understand me.
But reality is if I were honest I'd get the same reaction as you, best case they'd just leave me.

 

[f1lth]

:( I'm sorry you're going through this. I lost a relationship last week due to being honest with him about my suicidal thoughts. It hurts. I hope things get better soon!

im so sorry youre going through something like this too

I'm really sorry happened to you. Unfortunately most people view suicidals as freaks of nature, or just bad people.

Maybe after some time, your friends would be willing to listen and you'll get to make amends. Hopefully that will happen.

thank you and i agree its very unfortunate. Although i will miss them im not sure i want to make amends, they were a good close friend for a few years, but they changed around January

 

[strawb12]

awww, I'm really sorry that happened to you. That sounds really rough, I don't know your situation exactly but hopefully you were both just a little too drunk, an argument got out of hand, & he realizes that. I would reach out to see how he still feels about you & the incident. I hope your relationship isn't lost with them cause it seems like they were a pretty good friend.

 

[f1lth]

awww, I'm really sorry that happened to you. That sounds really rough, I don't know your situation exactly but hopefully you were both just a little too drunk, an argument got out of hand, & he realizes that. I would reach out to see how he still feels about you & the incident. I hope your relationship isn't lost with them cause it seems like they were a pretty good friend.

thank you i appreciate it. They had been a good friend, although im not too sure if we were just too drunk. They started acting differently and this kinda felt like the breaking point. We'll see though, id like to remain somewhat hopeful