U
Unsure_about_living
Member
- May 6, 2020
- 43
Already had my SN, now I have covid so have to isolate and also feel like my relationship is on the edge of collapse for covid related reasons. It's only a few more days of staying home alone, but I know that every day I'm going to strongly consider doing it, and even when I'm allowed to go out I still have strong suicidal urges all the time.
I've thought about contacting the crisis team, after I was under their care last month, but I have such phone anxiety anyway and I feel like they're just going to say "well obviously we can't visit because you have covid".
I have some reasons to stay alive, but they don't feel anything compared with the constant urge to feel at peace, even if that means nothing.
I think my main fear is that I'll take the SN and then call for help, like with other methods. Obviously I wouldn't take it if I thought I would call for help, but I guess that's what SI does. I don't want to be in the situation of feeling like an attention seeker who says they're going to ctb but then calls a friend, again
I've thought about contacting the crisis team, after I was under their care last month, but I have such phone anxiety anyway and I feel like they're just going to say "well obviously we can't visit because you have covid".
I have some reasons to stay alive, but they don't feel anything compared with the constant urge to feel at peace, even if that means nothing.
I think my main fear is that I'll take the SN and then call for help, like with other methods. Obviously I wouldn't take it if I thought I would call for help, but I guess that's what SI does. I don't want to be in the situation of feeling like an attention seeker who says they're going to ctb but then calls a friend, again