gosh, i'm fking stupid/coward/smart, call it what you want but I'm gonna give it one another shot

[lonelyflyinginsect]

hello all!
anyone can visit my small and relatively fresh profile here and clearly see that i'm completely off my charts, having too many mood-swings.

I had planned of catching the bus this week but after having two orders cancelled on me in this month and the third one being delayed, I guess someone/something/universe is trying to point out that I should not yet give up OR.... it's maybe my cowardly act, fuck me, i don't know but i have decided to give, maybe one more shot.

the main reason,.... . ... i just can't bring myself to kill myself... in this house, that I have shares with others for a major part of my life, especially my newphew who has lived with me from the day he was born.
so either, i'll look for another house to live in temporarily in future if I revert my decision to CTB or might become an ass & mentally prepare everyone in some time that I won't be here for long and do the deed,
(currently, I don't really like my family members except the little baby ofcourse, he's my life, mean more to me than myself, maybe, I'll just live for him, hopefully)

all this BS said, I'm neither deleting this account nor cancelling this 3rd SN order (seen in the screenshot attached). maybe time will tell.

not here to gain sympathy or trying to prove anything to anyone (pardon me if I'm sounding like a asshole in this post, is not intention, it's just my emotions working at the moment or this 4th glass of espresso I have had today)

i'll still be at this website, reading new posts for the meantime and I welcome others who want to get something/anything off their chest via inbox/PM, not gonna judge. don't expect any meaningful replies as I'm just another average depressed person like you but yes I will be able to relate., so there's that.

Wish me luck, cause I'm wishing for everyone at this website I have met or read their posts/comments, you will always be in my prayers.

 

[Smart No More]

Good luck man. Don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. I get why you don't want to tarnish the home for your loved ones. It's respectable that you give a shit. Some come here say they they can't care less about the way their suicides impact anyone else. I mean, I get when things are so bad you just need an out and your priorities take a shift but from experience, even when the worst is happening there is still residual care for others even if it's just the knowledge of it and not the full gut feeling/emotion.

And yes, killing yourself is hard. Really hard.

Again, don't beat yourself up. No shame in what you're doing!

 

[lonelyflyinginsect]

Good luck man. Don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. I get why you don't want to tarnish the home for your loved ones. It's respectable that you give a shit. Some come here say they they can't care less about the way their suicides impact anyone else. I mean, I get when things are so bad you just need an out and your priorities take a shift but from experience, even when the worst is happening there is still residual care for others even if it's just the knowledge of it and not the full gut feeling/emotion.

And yes, killing yourself is hard. Really hard.

Again, don't beat yourself up. No shame in what you're doing!

thank you for your kind words. I do hope that I beat my emotions this time for good. I'll try, even harder, to get back to my basic hobbies like gaming and swimming, just so I have less time with myself alone and who knows, I might make a new friend/acquaintance IRL for the time being.

Beating myself up for minute to large issues is what I have been doing for as long as I can remember. If only I could learn to accept myself, I might be able to make it.

I pray for you too and of course, you are more than welcome to tell me anything whenever you feel like you have to take the load-off your chest.

 

[timf]

Sometimes people with mood swings might have bipolar 2. A guy on Youtube from England has some videos describing how he was able to stabilize himself using Lithium Orotate and some other supplements. I don't know if this would be helpful, but it might be worth a try.

 

[cheesepancake]

All the very best, my friend. I'm so, so proud of you, and wish you all the success in the world. Here's hoping you find happiness.

 

[Hollowillow]

hello all!
anyone can visit my small and relatively fresh profile here and clearly see that i'm completely off my charts, having too many mood-swings.

I had planned of catching the bus this week but after having two orders cancelled on me in this month and the third one being delayed, I guess someone/something/universe is trying to point out that I should not yet give up OR.... it's maybe my cowardly act, fuck me, i don't know but i have decided to give, maybe one more shot.

the main reason,.... . ... i just can't bring myself to kill myself... in this house, that I have shares with others for a major part of my life, especially my newphew who has lived with me from the day he was born.
so either, i'll look for another house to live in temporarily in future if I revert my decision to CTB or might become an ass & mentally prepare everyone in some time that I won't be here for long and do the deed,
(currently, I don't really like my family members except the little baby ofcourse, he's my life, mean more to me than myself, maybe, I'll just live for him, hopefully)

all this BS said, I'm neither deleting this account nor cancelling this 3rd SN order (seen in the screenshot attached). maybe time will tell.

not here to gain sympathy or trying to prove anything to anyone (pardon me if I'm sounding like a asshole in this post, is not intention, it's just my emotions working at the moment or this 4th glass of espresso I have had today)

i'll still be at this website, reading new posts for the meantime and I welcome others who want to get something/anything off their chest via inbox/PM, not gonna judge. don't expect any meaningful replies as I'm just another average depressed person like you but yes I will be able to relate., so there's that.

Wish me luck, cause I'm wishing for everyone at this website I have met or read their posts/comments, you will always be in my prayers.

I always sound like I took 4 espresso. Bad idea when stressed but hopefully will give you a heart attack if you wish

I'm tired of people being called a coward for dying and not dying. We do the best we can at the time.

Good luck trying, good thing to keep the bus ticket just in case

Sometimes people with mood swings might have bipolar 2. A guy on Youtube from England has some videos describing how he was able to stabilize himself using Lithium Orotate and some other supplements. I don't know if this would be helpful, but it might be worth a try.

I have mood swings from reactive hypoglycemia... But his intense coffe intake will make him manic then crash in depressed exhaustion. More drug isn't the answer... Nutrition & rest is... We need b vitamins to burn energy. Eat some eggs. Good to stabilize blood sugar too.