@GoodPersonEffed appreciation thread

[InterstateFlowers]

Hello @GoodPersonEffed! .....Y'know, I was actually going to write something else but as I'm focusing on your profile picture I remember that when I was really new here I've always wondered why you chose such a bland profile picture.. I just realized it's supposed to match the background lmao

First of all, I doubt you're the type to like unwanted attention but I don't know how to give you such a long message without pming you or spamming your posts so I'm gonna do it here. I hope this is okay, if not I'll delete it!

The point is, I'm here just to say thank you for being you. I've always admired your replies to threads because you managed to sound really coherent to complicated things in my head and somehow say the right thing while being empathetic.

I know it sounds weird but you also kinda got me into philosophy?? So hear me out, I was super curious about everything when I first came here and looking at everyone's account (don't mind me, I'm just weird lol) and your philosophy quotes, especially the stoic one that said "The mind should be summoned every day to render an accounting...'Which of your wrongs did you correct today? Which fault did you resist? In what way are you better?' Anger will leave off and be more moderate, if it knows that each day it must come before a judge." really meant a lot to me. Even if I desperately want to die, as long as I'm here, I want to be more kind and more conscious of my actions so that nobody gets hurt and I can improve anyone's day. I used to think philosophy was something that can only be admired and understood by really smart people and I was just too dumb. I still think I am too dumb but hearing the wisdom helps me get through the day somehow and it really helps.

As stupid as it sounds, you've really made a positive difference in my life and I'm super appreciative and grateful to you. Even though this post is long and a teensy bit embarrassing, it's worth saying this than regretting never saying it all when it's too late. Thank you and have a nice day!!

edit: misspelled word :(

 

[Funkymonks]

How lovely

 

[Cashewmilk]

I also enjoy reading their posts too! They're always entertaining and full of wisdom!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@InterstateFlowers, I didn't receive notification that you'd tagged me, so it was quite a surprise to see this thread in Off Topic!

Thank you so much for all the reflections of how my actions had a positive impact for you. I really appreciate that you made the effort to tell me. Now that I know, it's totally cool if you'd like to delete the thread so that you are not embarassed, or ask the mods to since it's probably too late for you to do it yourself.

My avatar has always been gray, but it used to be darker. When the forum went down for an upgrade, my avatar was no longer working so I uploaded a new photo, and I'd already wanted to change it to a lighter color gray but didn't realize that it's the same color as the background! I chose gray because it doesn't distract me, it's just neutral. I also chose it because it doesn't represent me, therefore it would have the least impact on how others interpret anything about me, and instead my words and actions would have a stronger impact on others' impressions of me.

I really do try to say things in a way that is honest and direct and at the same time empathetic. Sometimes I fail at that, and sometimes I don't always strive for the empathy. When I don't strive, the responses often reflect that I didn't make the effort. Similarly to you, while I am still alive, I continue to try to grow and learn, to be more effective, to be a better person, to be more aware of others and to be more self-aware. Epictetus said the point of philosophy is for life to flow more smoothly, and that going to philosophy is like going to the hospital when one is ill, therefore Stoic and Buddhist philosophy have had major impacts on how I relate to and interact with others as well as myself. There are also a lot of wisdom and ethics in those philosophies, and I love wisdom and ethics that are practical and useful. They do indeed help my life to flow more smoothly when it comes to interpersonal interactions and making decisions, and they have brought much healing and correction when I've acted in unhealthy ways.

I hear what you're saying about philosophy. I used to really dislike it. I knew brainy people that ate it up, and I felt way out of my league. (Yes, I'm intelligent, but I've known many more intelligent than me, and also, I didn't have a foundation in philosophy.) What helped me to connect with philosophy is when I approached it from an ethical perspective and a subject I was interested in. Philosophy generally has to do with ethics, understanding how things work, and providing tools and/or a framework to understand things and how to apply the ethics. When I was in grad school, I was interested in studying how US health insurance was applied to the treatment of mental health conditions. I took an undergrad course in the philosophy of human rights, my very first philosophy course (though not my first ethics- or theory-related course), and I had to do extra work to make it graduate level. The instructor suggested I read Michel Foucault's Madness and Civilization. Foucault is extremely difficult reading, and an example of why people fear philosophy. But he was against something I was against, abuses of power, and so I had interest in what he had to say and did the work to comprehend him, and because I was interested, the work felt valuable.

To me, religion is philosophy. It explains how things work, and it provides ethics. I think people generally seek a philosophy that resonates for them, to explain how things are and to provide guidelines for how to act (Efilism is an example that is not my preference, but because I have this perspective, I understand why people are drawn to it). Even Stoicisim was akin to religion, because it viewed nature as the life-giving and guiding divine force. But its focus on virtues is what's made it so long-lasting and applicable two thousand years later, and that's where the wisdom comes from in much of what I write and others respond to. The same kind of wisdom can be found in the Proverbs of the Bible and the writings of Benjamin Franklin. What is very different from religion, and what I love about Stoic philosophy, is that Stoicism advises that one should strive for total virtue and wisdom, like their imaginary, perfect "wise man" who served as the ultimate example rather than "God"; but the philosophy also acknowledges that perfection cannot be reached, and that it is the striving and the gradual improvement which are of the most importance, as it can realisticallly be no other way. The quotes that resonated with you reflect that effort. Buddhism has many complementary principles to Stoicism, and both employ meditative approaches (such as the one you quoted). But Buddhism strives for attaining Nirvana, which even Gautama said is difficult to explain, you have to get it for yourself, and for many, Buddhism also strives for Buddhahood instead of the wise man. Buddhism has an approach that existence goes on after death, while Stoicism does not. Stoicism strives for well-being in this finite life impacted by suffering, while Buddhism strives to get out of the eternal cycles of suffering for eternity.

Stoicism especially, and Buddhism somewhat, also help me keep balance when being complimented -- or castigated. I receive your words like a well-intentioned hug, and with gratitude for the constructive criticism that says my efforts do have the intended effects, even if for only one person. I don't seek praise fests or ego pumps, but I do appreciate those moments when I receive positive feedback, and even affection it that goes along with it. It's not the same as love-bombing, which I always respond to with wariness. And I am always aware that for every person who appreciates me, I don't dare get high off it and use it to climb up on a high horse because I know that at the same time,



That's what I learned from Buddhism and Stoicism: balance, equanimity. I don't get thrown off from myself by getting high on praise or things that bring pleasure, or by wallowing when I receive blowback or things that are unpleasant. I enjoy the good moments while they last, and I try to maintain the perspective that the shit moments pass, too; all is temporary.

What I value is that you made the effort, and I acknowledge and respect that you acted from a place of vulnerability and courage to do so. Thank you. I wish you could feel what I feel in my heart when I say those two words.

Now delete away if you choose!

 

[Deleted member 17949]

GoodPersonEffed is a cool guy tbh

 

[InterstateFlowers]

I don't have the heart to delete this thread for my embarrassment because of your well-written reply. Thank you for your effort and explaining the path to your relationship with stoicism and philosophy. Please don't misunderstand my lowly worded post for a lack of effort! I don't know what to say that'll explain how I feel in my head right and you making parallels between religion and stoicism was really eye-opening and I've never thought to make a connection between the two. A lot of what you're saying makes so much sense to me and I want to think about it more. Thank you for taking the time to reply!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Please don't misunderstand my lowly worded post for a lack of effort!

I don't!

And please don't mistake my long posts as exhaustive effort. It may be for some, but I type fast and I write how I talk. For me, it's enjoyable conversation. It's not much different from sitting and talking with someone, and in fact is often more enjoyable, especially because no one interrupts each other and I can edit! I always wanted to have a good friend or boyfriend that was into correspondence, so forums fulfill that desire for me.

 

[Lorntroubles]

A person with:
Good logic
Says it like it is
Tries to lookout for everyone
Sometimes funny memes
Street-smart. You sure need it in México!!!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Street-smart. You sure need it in México!!!

No mierda!

 

[esse_est_percipi]

does anyone know what happened to the OP?

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

does anyone know what happened to the OP?

No. I asked about her on the User Discussion Megathread.

 

[262653]

Yeah, I also like reading your content, @GoodPersonEffed . There are so many posts and not enough resources to spend on every single one, and I don't consider every post to be worth reading. So I usually just pick a user and see what's new.

And please don't mistake my long posts as exhaustive effort. It may be for some, but I type fast and I write how I talk. For me, it's enjoyable conversation. It's not much different from sitting and talking with someone, and in fact is often more enjoyable, especially because no one interrupts each other and I can edit! I always wanted to have a good friend or boyfriend that was into correspondence, so forums fulfill that desire for me.

This thought didn't cross my mind until after you mentioned it. Every minute of time spend on someone is a minute that otherwise could be spend on someone else, and I can see why would some users won't like you. You do seem to have a lot to offer. Sometimes I wonder how you take it, the amount of both positive and negative feedback. I've noticed this thing... that people like you have in common. Getting either strong positive or negative reaction. So far I didn't get to name this common thing.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

This thought didn't cross my mind until after you mentioned it. Every minute of time spend on someone is a minute that otherwise could be spend on someone else, and I can see why would some users won't like you. You do seem to have a lot to offer. Sometimes I wonder how you take it, the amount of both positive and negative feedback. I've noticed this thing... that people like you have in common. Getting either strong positive or negative reaction. So far I didn't get to name this common thing.

This reads like a compliment combined with slams. I often feel like you don't like me and reveal it in passive-aggressive ways to say "I like you but, underneath, I don't like you." When my gut feels the shot of an arrow, I trust my gut.

I have a strong personality, so people usually either strongly like or strongly dislike me. It's always been that way. If I change to please others, such as becoming demure or dummying down how I communicate, then someone will dislike me for another reason, because genuine haters prefer to hate and find reasons to do so. I spent the first 25 years of my life hating myself, I have no desire to return to that or to make myself smaller just to please others who have zero desire to please me in return. It's not reciprocity, which is what I prefer. I have no problem being accommodating when it doesn't cost me my self-worth.

If someone on the forum doesn't like me, or feels they are spending too much of their limited time or ability reading my posts and would rather spend it on other members' posts, the owners have been so generous as to give us unlimited use of the ignore button. I know there are plenty of folks who ignore me, and there are plenty I ignore, and it makes life more peaceful.

Take care. I wish you well.

 

[262653]

This reads like a compliment combined with slams. I often feel like you don't like me and reveal it in passive-aggressive ways to say "I like you but, underneath, I don't like you." When my gut feels the shot of an arrow, I trust my gut.

I have a strong personality, so people usually either strongly like or strongly dislike me. It's always been that way. If I change to please others, such as becoming demure or dummying down how I communicate, then someone will dislike me for another reason, because genuine haters prefer to hate and find reasons to do so. I spent the first 25 years of my life hating myself, I have no desire to return to that or to make myself smaller just to please others who have zero desire to please me in return. It's not reciprocity, which is what I prefer. I have no problem being accommodating when it doesn't cost me my self-worth.

If someone on the forum doesn't like me, or feels they are spending too much of their limited time or ability reading my posts and would rather spend it on other members' posts, the owners have been so generous as to give us unlimited use of the ignore button. I know there are plenty of folks who ignore me, and there are plenty I ignore, and it makes life more peaceful.

Take care. I wish you well.

I do have mixed feelings about you, and it could be that when saying "some users won't like you" I "subconsciously thought" about myself, because I do want to have something more to offer so that others are more interested in giving something in return. I want to have something that you seem to have, and the contrast makes me feel bad, so you can say that I envy you.

If by "someone on the forum who doesn't like me..." you're pointing at me (subconsciously or not), then no, I'm not going to ignore you just yet, not until I resolve my issues, and if I do, I probably won't have to ignore you at all.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I do have mixed feelings about you, and it could be that when saying "some users won't like you" I "subconsciously thought" about myself, because I do want to have something more to offer so that others are more interested in giving something in return. I want to have something that you seem to have, and the contrast makes me feel bad, so you can say that I envy you.

If by "someone on the forum who doesn't like me..." you're pointing at me (subconsciously or not), then no, I'm not going to ignore you just yet, not until I resolve my issues, and if I do, I probably won't have to ignore you at all.

No, I wasn't pointing at you. I know there are other people who don't like me and I'm okay with it. It wasn't a dig, it was a genuine response to your comment, since you wondered how I deal with it. Dealing with it implies I know, and I do. If I didn't know, I might have felt paranoid, but I'm pretty astute at recognizing feelings and intentions toward me. The suggestion to ignore, though, was directed at anyone who felt that way, including you. Ignoring can be a wonderful thing!

Comparison and contrast can be enlightening or they can kick someone's ass. I find that one may already have what they envy. Or they may have something just as valuable, so when they look at what they envy, they can ask what's great about themselves that wants to engage and participate, wants attention.

Interesting that you want to give so that others will want to give in return. Do you not consider yourself worthy of receiving if you don't have something to offer? Do you have to prove you're valuable and worth an investment? Personally, I genuinely enjoy giving, like a sharing of resources, and I get resources shared with me, but maybe not by the same person. If it just feels like I'm spending effort to throw something against a wall and neither my effort nor what I give are appreciated, then I'll stop spending the effort and make effort elsewhere, either for someone else's benefit or my own. Also, it seems around here that people are happy to give. People seem to recognize when someone vulnerably shares, and taking that risk gets rewarded in this environment more than many. I've noticed that I've always made more positive connections when I've shared vulnerably, including irl. It draws people to share their own vulnerability, like when someone says, "I've been through that too. Thank you for sharing about your experience." It takes courage to do it, and one still may take some hits, but I find there are usually more rewards than hits.

Don't know if any of that applied. I was happy to do so, though, because you had the balls to not say, "No, I didn't do that," but instead actually communicate about it. I meant it when I said I wished you well and wanted you to take care, and it feels good that it wasn't rejected and struck out against. I enjoy real conversations. And I enjoy it when my honesty and directness draw the same in return rather than draw fire, it's always a toss-up which way it will go.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

@GoodPersonEffed is a treasure. Although we never spoke, I really do appreciate the long ( sometimes very long) replies on other people's postings. Big

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@GoodPersonEffed is a treasure. Although we never spoke, I really do appreciate the long ( sometimes very long) replies on other people's postings. Big

Huh. Why do I feel shamed instead of treasured by this comment?

Must be the kidding on the square.



From Urban Dictionary:

Kidding on the square - joking, but also meaning it

Example: When Al picked up the tab for dinner he joked about me being a tightwad; I felt bad because I figured he was probably kidding on the square.


From Wiktionary:

Although dating back to the early 20th century, the phrase was popularized by Al Franken in his book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them (2003) where he described the negative reaction of Paul Wolfowitz to one of his jokes. Additionally, in 1983 jazz singer Mose Allison wrote and performed a song called "Kidding on the Square" on his album Middle Class White Boy; in the liner notes, he described it as "joking with serious intent."

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Huh. Why do I feel shamed instead of treasured by this comment?

Must be the kidding on the square.



From Urban Dictionary:

Kidding on the square - joking, but also meaning it

Example: When Al picked up the tab for dinner he joked about me being a tightwad; I felt bad because I figured he was probably kidding on the square.


From Wiktionary:

Although dating back to the early 20th century, the phrase was popularized by Al Franken in his book Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them (2003) where he described the negative reaction of Paul Wolfowitz to one of his jokes. Additionally, in 1983 jazz singer Mose Allison wrote and performed a song called "Kidding on the Square" on his album Middle Class White Boy; in the liner notes, he described it as "joking with serious intent."

English isn't my first language :) I really do like the replies you give to others. They seem to me thought about and genuine. And that's not all the common these days...dear @GoodPersonEffed I really think you are a treasure.

 

[262653]

No, I wasn't pointing at you. I know there are other people who don't like me and I'm okay with it. It wasn't a dig, it was a genuine response to your comment, since you wondered how I deal with it. Dealing with it implies I know, and I do. If I didn't know, I might have felt paranoid, but I'm pretty astute at recognizing feelings and intentions toward me. The suggestion to ignore, though, was directed at anyone who felt that way, including you. Ignoring can be a wonderful thing!

Comparison and contrast can be enlightening or they can kick someone's ass. I find that one may already have what they envy. Or they may have something just as valuable, so when they look at what they envy, they can ask what's great about themselves that wants to engage and participate, wants attention.

Interesting that you want to give so that others will want to give in return. Do you not consider yourself worthy of receiving if you don't have something to offer? Do you have to prove you're valuable and worth an investment? Personally, I genuinely enjoy giving, like a sharing of resources, and I get resources shared with me, but maybe not by the same person. If it just feels like I'm spending effort to throw something against a wall and neither my effort nor what I give are appreciated, then I'll stop spending the effort and make effort elsewhere, either for someone else's benefit or my own. Also, it seems around here that people are happy to give. People seem to recognize when someone vulnerably shares, and taking that risk gets rewarded in this environment more than many. I've noticed that I've always made more positive connections when I've shared vulnerably, including irl. It draws people to share their own vulnerability, like when someone says, "I've been through that too. Thank you for sharing about your experience." It takes courage to do it, and one still may take some hits, but I find there are usually more rewards than hits.

Alright, so it was a response to my question (I didn't put the question mark but indeed was wondering). Also, reading lightly your whole comment relieved some tension in me.

I recognize that there are others, maybe less socially acceptable ways of getting things, like deception and physical force. I hope I didn't come off as conscientious. It's just I often don't see these strategies as worth applying for myself. If I were to believe that these will do more good for me than harm, then I don't see anything that would (internally) stop me. No, I don't consider myself worthy of recieving, unless someone genuinely enjoy giving, as you said. Not worthy in a sense that I don't see the potential benefits for others by giving something to me. I'm not in employment, I don't work for others and obviously I don't get any coin for not working. I'm also rarely ever offering emotional support. You don't need to scroll SS for long enough to find a post where someone expresses grievances, talks about the unpleasant experiences, and oftenly you don't have to scroll such a post for long enough to find something like "I'm here to talk/I feel you bro/this shouldn't happen to anyone, you have my sympathies/you're a wonderful person who deserves love". I wouldn't dare to say anything like that unless I mean it, and mostly I don't. I also don't think I would want to recieve such comments because mostly I don't see them as useful. It could be that people just want to express themselves, and whether their expressions are helpful to the reciever is not a primary concern. I also believe that in some cases the emotional support is deceptive, made with intention to get closer to a vulnerable person and get something they want without any consideration for the wants of their prey.

Don't know if any of that applied. I was happy to do so, though, because you had the balls to not say, "No, I didn't do that," but instead actually communicate about it. I meant it when I said I wished you well and wanted you to take care, and it feels good that it wasn't rejected and struck out against. I enjoy real conversations. And I enjoy it when my honesty and directness draw the same in return rather than draw fire, it's always a toss-up which way it will go.

I'm quite sure something did. I wasn't sure what to make of the last sentences because it's also used in cases when it's clearly insincere. Thanks for assuring me that you meant it. I enjoyed your reply, and even though I like to see some drama occasionally (ah, the spice of life), I'm glad to see this conversation didn't evolve into something drastic.

 

[bov]

I wanted to message directly, and came across this thread when I couldn't. There's a big old racist thread in Offtopic right now and GPF is the only ethical voice chiming in. Thank you, GPF.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I wanted to message directly, and came across this thread when I couldn't.

I don't do PMs, but you can post on my wall!