Goodnight everyone.

[TransTaxEvader]

Tonight I will CTB via partially suspended hanging. Dying has been my dream since I was 10 years old. I'm a lazy and unmotivated leech on society who works a minimum wage job with no aspirations.

My life has been chaotic. Arguing family members, fights breaking out between them, me being drugged and beaten as a child, etc.

Undiagnosed autism and adhd throughout school completely stunted my chance to ever have a meaningful, fulfilling, and successful life.

All of my relationships have ended abruptly, terribly, or never got off the ground to begin with.

This is the fate I have made for myself.

Sorry for the rant, thank you to everyone on this board who has been there for me, either giving advice, introducing me here, or just being someone to talk to. You've all played a part in helping me find peace, and I'm extremely grateful for your compassion, forgiveness, and community.

my SI is already kicking in, if I can't do it, I don't know what I'll do, I can't live like this anymore.

 

[Sbetto]

Safe travel, i wish the best

 

[8leveloquenfrn4evr8]

I hope you find peace.

 

[Lilythefenfen]

Find peace and rest wherever you may end up. I'm sorry the pain has led you to this decision. Sleep well, friend.

 

[ma0]

I hop you find the peace and happiness you're looking for.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

Goodbye my friend.
I hope you rest well and peacefully.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

we're here with you. nothing but love

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I hope true peace comes and finds you.

 

[ForestGhost]

You have my love, your name always made me smile when I saw it pop up. If the SI proves to be too much, know you're always welcome back without any judgement. All the best to you.

 

[Namelesa]

Whatever happens, I hope you can escape the pain of this world (and evade taxes forever)

 

[CatLvr]

I am so sorry for the pain you have endured. No matter what happens tonight, should you wake up after trying (or just decide not to try at all for any reason), know you are always welcome here. We love you and want for you whatever brings you peace. If you do manage to move to what is next for us, know you were loved.

Please know you are loved and understood -- and always welcome here.

 

[needthebus]

Love for you <3 however you decide

 

[deadbidaylight]

We knew it was coming, but it's still saddens me nonetheless to see another leave us. I'm sorry that your pain has brought you to this point, and I hope that if you are able to follow through with your plans, that you finally achieve the peace you deserve.

If it doesn't work out tonight, we'll all welcome you back with nothing but love and light. No matter the outcome you are supported and it'll be alright.

 

[elkheart]

Good night, sleep tight and may you never know suffering like this again.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Buenas noches y dulces sueños. If SI kicks in and you change you're mind, we'll still be here: nobody gets to judge your choice to die, nor your choice to live.

 

[TransTaxEvader]

I shouldn't be alive, yet here I am.

 

[skyfall]

I shouldn't be alive, yet here I am.

Sending hugs

 

[blacktrain98]

I'm sorry it's been so painful.

I shouldn't be alive, yet here I am.

Did things not go as expected? Sending warm hugs

 

[Loser1989]

I hope you're not being too hard on yourself. I'm here for you, sending you hugs ❤

 

[gothbird]

What you're carrying is incredibly heavy, and I see the clarity and exhaustion in your words. That's not weakness. That's someone who's been surviving way past their breaking point.

Just so you hear it plainly: you're not a leech. You're someone who was dealt pain way too early, with systems that failed to catch you, diagnose you, support you, or even notice you. That's not a moral failure on your part—it's a societal one. Autism and ADHD that go unrecognised don't just "make life harder"—they fundamentally shape the way you're allowed to exist in the world. The chaos you describe isn't your fault. You didn't ask for it. You just tried to keep going through it.

And if tonight is the night—then I hope it's peaceful. I hope the final minutes are quiet and still. You deserve that much, at least. You've fought longer and harder than most people can imagine.

But if your SI pulls you back—if your body flinches or your hands won't move—that's not failure. That's biology. That's the old machine inside you doing what it was built to do: keep going. Don't let it shame you. You don't owe anyone a follow-through. You only owe yourself honesty.

Whatever happens tonight, I'm just really glad you existed. Wherever you go, whether it's nothing, something, or everything, may it be lovely.
You've carried enough gravity for one life. Rest easy among the stardust.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[worthless creature]

I shouldn't be alive, yet here I am.

we are here for you, no matter what.

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

I shouldn't be alive, yet here I am.

I'm sorry you've had such a hard and painful life. As gothbird put it so eloquently, you are not a leech, just living in a society that is not designed to help or even understand neurodivergent people.

Whatever happens, SaSu will be here for you

 

[deadbidaylight]

I'm sorry things didn't work out as you'd hoped. It's not a failure, rather a learning opportunity. We welcome you back with a warm embrace, and hopefully you can find solace in our company while you plan your next moves.

Please be kind to yourself today. It's easy to beat yourself up when you're feeling defeated, but you need kindness, support and love right now to be able to bounce back from what happened. Try your best to take it easy today if you can, and just be low key. Maybe do something that calms your mind or that you really enjoy. You lived another day to be able to do those things. Try and focus on that for now. One day at a time.

There is always more time. There is always more chances as well. It's not a race. I understand the need, but last night wasn't your time. And that's okay.

 

[CatLvr]

Bless your heart -- I have tried and failed (obviously) so I understand just how you must feel. As others have said, be kind to yourself today. Do something you enjoy even if it is only taking a warm bath and then crawling in bed under the covers so you can take a LONG nap.

Please feel free to vent here if you need. We are here for you and want you to let the weight of what has gone before be lifted from your mind, if even for just a few minutes.

May you be wrapped in the warmth and love that is here for you on SaSu.

 

[LonelyMe]

I shouldn't be alive, yet here I am.

We are here for you. Sending you a hug

 

[TransTaxEvader]

I'm sorry it's been so painful.

Did things not go as expected? Sending warm hugs

they didn't unfortunately. I felt like I was passing out, whether placebo or not, it scared me and I practically just can't do it.

i sit here and dream about my own death, talk about my own death, fantasize over it, etc. all day long every single day. I'm miserable, it's all i think about, yet I can't fucking do it. I'm just back in the same cycle. i need something i can commit to easier and it just does it's thing, and SN sounds like that thing.

im sorry that I'm back for rn yall.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

they didn't unfortunately. I felt like I was passing out, whether placebo or not, it scared me and I practically just can't do it.

i sit here and dream about my own death, talk about my own death, fantasize over it, etc. all day long every single day. I'm miserable, it's all i think about, yet I can't fucking do it. I'm just back in the same cycle. i need something i can commit to easier and it just does it's thing, and SN sounds like that thing.

im sorry that I'm back for rn yall.

please know, there is nothing to be sorry about. we are here for you, as a community. there are likely many people here that can mirror your exact experience. partial is objectively one of the hardest when talking about SI. allow yourself the grace im sure you would give to any of us. you are no leech, nor burden. i'm sorry for the set of very complicated feelings a failed attempt brings (me too, diff method) but try to be as kind to yourself right now as you're able to

sending love.