it's unfair that I keep waking up, it's not fair that I'm still alive, i do not wish to be alive...
I tried drinking 3 bottles of 16 oz niquel, it wasn't impulsive either, my best way of dying I can possible imagine is falling tosleep and not waking up, and niquel seems to allow you to at least feel like ytour asleep and fall asleep.
anyways, I couldn't hear, see, and was sweating sooooooooooo mcuh like every surface of my body was soaked like I had gotten out the shower,and I kept trying my best not to vomit (cus I knew if I let it out my system there is a higher chance I'd live) and more or less all the stmpyoms on the symptom chart except for seazures and hallucinations, which my friend says "hallucinations are like your norm so yeah..."
also idk how a seazure feels or looks like so I don't think I can for 100% sure say it didn't happen but what I can say is I couldn't see, hear, or feell anything, and it was comforting, blissfull almost at first.,
but then from no where for no reason a feeling that I need to survive kicked in and I stuck my fionger in my throguht, couldn't throw up, started freaking out and panacking, and adventually, threw up, then I was able to see (idk if I was just in too much pain before or if there was some other reaosn but I wasn't seeing anythingbefore) and it was really dark and was about 1am (I took everything around 6pm) and I threw up 2 more times, then stayed next to my fan uncovered sitting up for a bit breatyhing, then I sent goodbye messages to everyone, then took more, then went back to sleep,
and then I woke up this morning at 10am completly fine...
it feels so unfair and stupid... why couldn't I ahve died, I thoght it was supost to be lethal is it not?
bac to the drawing board I supose...