Hi, I'm going to ctb with electric saw like a sied in my last thread.I visited this page in January of this year, reading as a "guest".I wanted to say one thing for the people who are seeing this as a "guest" who isn't registered yet or take it the decision to suicide and have a method or who isn't too fucked up(read it until the end, please). Give you a try, If there is just a little thing you haven't do to make a difference in your life try it. I do it, as I said in January I just was reading as a guest, I didn't have a way to commit suicide yet, I had feared. You know this "survival instinct" to live, so I figure out that I could try it just once more, try to find something in life, follow your dreams, so I do it. I gave the best, the best I could do to live. What happened then? During this time, the hope died and so my normality, lost emotions for all the things that give me at least something to laugh or feel something, I feel the worst feeling i could ever have in my life during three days and the following day just a little less (until I gave up). I fight every day, giving the best. I'm like this for 2 years, it supposes to be over the first year(i mean committing suicide) but something happens and can't do it. In January, I gave up again but give it a try once more, this is what all I got from trying and it's fine because makes my mind more clear of what i want to now, although I refind "something", that refused to believe in the past, that gave me the desire to died up more every day.I'm eighteen years old, I can't hold it anymore, I try hard, as hard in many ways but nothing works. Why? That something that I refused to believe in the past is "I'm not good enough" for this and for many reasons I will never be the person who I wanted to be and that kills me more than anything and that means I will nothing of what I could ever do in the past, now or in the future never going to change who I am and makes it worst ever fucking day, so I gave up and I don't care if something good or bad happens because nothings really matter now. Two days ago I enter Sanctioned Suicide, yesterday I have my account to post and make it 5 to post a thread, It also was a good day reading threads here. This week I'm going to ctb, I don't think I'm going to fail, my existence is meaningless now and I wanted to go as soon as I can. There are many things I would like to say but I'm to fucked up to write more. It's up to you now, "guest".
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
