Goodbye

[NoReasonToLive]

Hey,

I haven't been on this site for a long time - I joined this site 2 or 3 weeks ago but I love this site and the people on it <3. But in a few days I am going to commit CTB and leave this site and also those few people who still love me and my problems :(.

I am going to commit CTB on the 17 february - after that all my problems are gone because. Until then I have to do some important things:
1. I have to write a letter and maybe a little present (suggestions? Pls c: ) to say goodbye to my two best friends. I love them sooooo much and I don't wanna leave them without anything.
2. I have to clarify who will get all my things.
3. I wanna go to a friend's birthday party. It is on the night from 16 to 17 february - my last night. I want him to be able to celebrate a good birthday without being sad because of me.
4. Maybe I am going to do some crazy/funny things or something I have dreamed of but don't really know what I could do... Maybe you have some suggestions? :3
5. Almost forgot that I have to clarify what will happen to my internet accounts, especially my accounts in the computer/smartphone games because I am doing eSports. I'm in Nova eSports and Team Liquid.
Do you think I forgot something?^^

After I did all these things I am ready for CTB. The method I will use is partial hanging with a normal rope. I already practiced it and nearly blacked out so I think it could work. For making it easier to overcome my survival instinct I will get a bit drunk - should not be hard after a birthday like this :D

Yeah that was everything for now. So goodggo my dears. I wish you all luck in life or in ending it - depending on what way you choose ;)

Chris



PS: After writing this I saw a thread about "goodbye threads". If you do not know what to answer or have no time just pls do not feel bad or else. I do not like when others are sad or feel bad. Yes I am scared of the last step and but I am not feeling sad while writing this because in the last days you do not really care about your problems and in a way it feels good to know that they will end - it is a bit weird isn't it?

 

[Redt2go]

Goodbye Chris. I hope your passing is peaceful :)

 

[cherub]

Peace to youI'll see you on the otherside in a few weeks

 

[wiroho]

Why you want to die so badly? I am just curious. Goodbye

 

[NoReasonToLive]

Goodbye Chris. I hope your passing is peaceful :)

Thank you <3 I hope that too :)

 

[NoReasonToLive]

Peace to you I'll see you on the otherside in a few weeks

Peace back and yeah let's meet on the other side But why you wan't to do that ttoo Just curious :)

 

[cherub]

Peace back and yeah let's meet on the other side But why you wan't to do that ttoo Just curious :)

Long-winded story that I don't feel like typing out lol.

 

[NoReasonToLive]

Why you want to die so badly? I am just curious. Goodbye

There are many reasons. My parents destroyed my hole life: Said they wanna kill me, I was never good enough even when I tried my best or was the best. I got depressed, social phobic, sleep disorders and I am harming myself. My health is not good and there are also "friends" who are doing jokes about that I am cutting my self for example.

 

[NoReasonToLive]

Long-winded story that I don't feel like typing out lol.

Okay you don't have so say that when you don't want to ;)

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi chris.
I am glad you have enjoyed being part of our community and i wish you peaceful onward travels.

 

[JustAboutDone]

There are many reasons. My parents destroyed my hole life: Said they wanna kill me, I was never good enough even when I tried my best or was the best. I got depressed, social phobic, sleep disorders and I am harming myself. My health is not good and there are also "friends" who are doing jokes about that I am cutting my self for example.

They sound like not particularly nice "friends" to be honest. X

 

[AndyCurious]

I hope you find peace.. Best wishes man :)

 

[Dead Meat]

All the best to you Chris may you have never ending peace and tranquility.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Adding to that your friends sound mean :-(
I'm sorry you feel this way. You sound like you have been let down by a lot of people and that is not right. It's sad that it feels like your parents aren't appreciating you - even when you are doing you best to be what you think they want. Definitely now time to be what you want - whether that's living the life you want moving forward or ctb. I'd definitely start enjoying myself moving on - and looking out for some new people to be with who appreciate me - and eating the largest pizza you can find! Xxx

 

[Philip]

Hope you journey to peace is smooth. Maybe we will see each other on the other side.

 

[ReadyasEver]

Chris have a peaceful journey and tie up as many loose ends as possible.

 

[21Neberg]

there are also "friends" who are doing jokes about that I am cutting my self for example.

That is absolutely horrible. It is one of my worst nightmares too, so im keeping my cuts covered. I hope you have an amazing birthday on the 16th with your close friends though! And good luck with your attempt after that :-)

 

[Lara Francis]

There are many reasons. My parents destroyed my hole life: Said they wanna kill me, I was never good enough even when I tried my best or was the best. I got depressed, social phobic, sleep disorders and I am harming myself. My health is not good and there are also "friends" who are doing jokes about that I am cutting my self for example.

I am sorry to hear this.
I could never understand why some parents behave like this and either not see or understand the life long effects on their child.since becoming a parent,it makes me more angary.
I was also brought up being constantly put down and made to feel that even small things were great achievements because my parents had such low expectations of me.
This attitude towards me made me even more determined to achieve just to prove them wrong.i tell my son that he can do anything he desires and to follow his dreams.
If we could pick our family ,i think alot of us would have chosen differently.
Please dont let your parents define your identity.you are your own person and chose who and what you want to be.
Friends should not make jokes at your expense either.I hope i have not offended you with my comments.
Hugs x

 

[NoReasonToLive]

[/QUOTE]

Adding to that your friends sound mean :-(
I'm sorry you feel this way. You sound like you have been let down by a lot of people and that is not right. It's sad that it feels like your parents aren't appreciating you - even when you are doing you best to be what you think they want. Definitely now time to be what you want - whether that's living the life you want moving forward or ctb. I'd definitely start enjoying myself moving on - and looking out for some new people to be with who appreciate me - and eating the largest pizza you can find! Xxx

Yes I think it's really time to be what I want too and I also tried to enjoy living. I met new friends and also my best. But that didn't worked for a long time after a 3/4 year II fel bad again - worse than ever before. Now I really can't enjoy my life since a half year and I can't withstand that anymore

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yes but someone who is doing something like that wa

Yes but


Yes I think it's really time to be what I want too and I also tried to enjoy living. I met new friends and also my best. But that didn't worked for a long time after a 3/4 year II fel bad again - worse than ever before. Now I really can't enjoy my life since a half year and I can't withstand that anymore

That's so good that you've given it a try to really enjoy living and experienced some good times :-)
Try and enjoy again your last couple of weeks doing anything that brings you happiness xx

 

[NoReasonToLive]

I am sorry to hear this.
I could never understand why some parents behave like this and either not see or understand the life long effects on their child.since becoming a parent,it makes me more angary.
I was also brought up being constantly put down and made to feel that even small things were great achievements because my parents had such low expectations of me.
This attitude towards me made me even more determined to achieve just to prove them wrong.i tell my son that he can do anything he desires and to follow his dreams.
If we could pick our family ,i think alot of us would have chosen differently.
Please dont let your parents define your identity.you are your own person and chose who and what you want to be.
Friends should not make jokes at your expense either.I hope i have not offended you with my comments.
Hugs x

What you wrote is so true and you did not offended me. I mean how can such a kind person like you offend me ;D

 

[Lara Francis]

What you wrote is so true and you did not offended me. I mean how can such a kind person like you offend me ;D

Thankyou.x

 

[NoReasonToLive]

Adding to that your friends sound mean :-(
I'm sorry you feel this way. You sound like you have been let down by a lot of people and that is not right. It's sad that it feels like your parents aren't appreciating you - even when you are doing you best to be what you think they want. Definitely now time to be what you want - whether that's living the life you want moving forward or ctb. I'd definitely start enjoying myself moving on - and looking out for some new people to be with who appreciate me - and eating the largest pizza you can find! Xxx

And the next time I am eating a big pizza I will think of you :D

 

[JustAboutDone]

And the next time I am eating a big pizza I will think of you :D

You won't say that when you remember my favourite pizza is the pineapple and anchovy one!!!

 

[Lara Francis]

I love pizza.!

 

[NoReasonToLive]

That is absolutely horrible. It is one of my worst nightmares too, so im keeping my cuts covered. I hope you have an amazing birthday on the 16th with your close friends though! And good luck with your attempt after that :-)

Yes it is really horrible. I am also covering my sores but in some situations thatst not easy. We were doing sports and then my plaster fell down and they saw that.

 

[NoReasonToLive]

I love pizza.!

Me too but how is it possible to not love it? :D

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yes it is really horrible. I am also covering my sores but in some situations thatst not easy. We were doing sports and then my plaster fell down and they saw that.

These days people should be well aware of self harm and be kind and sensitive to people about it. I think people who are not kind should be rounded up and made to spend a night in a wood with hungry bears

 

[NoReasonToLive]

You won't say that when you remember my favourite pizza is the pineapple and anchovy one!!!

I still say that because I love anchovy :D

 

[JustAboutDone]

I still say that because I love anchovy :D

Yay!!!! My first pizza with anchovy fan on SS :-)