IdentityDoe
What is freedom when demanded of you by a God?
- Jan 14, 2026
- 31
I'll be taking Sodium Nitrite in 3 days with the following Medications:
1. Advil 600mg (200mgX3) -- Ibuprofen (1 Hour before SN)
2. Metoclopramide 30mg (5mgx6) --Antiemetic (40 Minutes before SN) -- also taking 10mg before breakfast and before bed the 2 previous days. (Don't have enough Meto to do the every 8 hours version)
3. Omeprazole Acid Reducer 140mg (20mgx7) -- Taken 7 days before the SN (20mg each day until the SN drink)
(Don't have Benzodiazepines... But honestly I don't need them.)
I will fast for at least 8 hours beforehand, and won't drink anything apart from water for the medicine and for the SN drink.
(-- For the SN I will be using 25 grams + 25g split between 2 cups in case of vomiting. -- The purity/concentration of the SN is 99.6%) -- I will take the SN with 50ml water
--
Some other things to note about me:
Gender: Male
Weight: 145~ Lbs / 66~ Kgs
1. I don't recall vomiting past my single digit age years. (after 7-10 years old, I don't believe that I've vomited even once.) So I'd like to think that I have a pretty decent resistance to vomiting/gagging which could influence my success rate.
2. I'm not exactly afraid of death, so I won't panic and call for an ambulance. Once I've made up my mind on something, I will make sure to see it through to the end.
3. Despite not fearing death itself, I fear the amount of pain that happens before it. (This is why I chose SN as a method.) E.x - If someone showed up with a gun and pointed it at me, I wouldn't be afraid of the fact that I'm about to die, but the fact that they could shoot my leg instead which wouldn't kill me. As long as the method in question is guaranteed to lead to my death, my level of fear decreases.
4. I've tried to end my life before I even turned 10 years old. When I was younger I tried to end it using Rat Poison (that's a very terrible way to go, you will literally vomit blood and be in pain for days before death.) This was mainly due to stress at school and not wanting to be there, which led me to do some stupid things out of desperation. (but the weirdest part is that I ended up surviving that with no damage to my organs whatsoever... I put the rat poison in water and drank it, but I guess either the amount was too low or that I got lucky.)
My second attempt was in my teenage years where I tried to overdose on 60+ pain killer tablets... this obviously didn't work again and I ended up surviving for a second time.
My third attempt was in my teenage years where I tried to drink Liquid Iodine. (you know the disinfectant that you put on wounds when you get cut...) The moment it touched my tongue I felt possibly the most amount of internal pain I've ever experienced! It started burning immediately, and I couldn't even manage to push it down my throat to swallow... I immediately rushed to the bathroom, spat it out, and kept rinsing my mouth over and over but the pain wouldn't go away. I was probably rinsing for at least 20 minutes before deciding to go back to bed. But even after that I just kept drooling like a dog and it wouldn't stop till the next morning.
My fourth attempt was again in my teenage years where I tried to hang myself with a belt over a bunk bed. The pain was so unbearable that I stepped down only after a couple seconds. (This is when I realized how pointless it is to use methods that take a minute or longer and a lot of physical effort. - I never even tried to jump because I just had a feeling that I would survive and end up disabled for the rest of my life.)
5. I don't particularly have hatred for anything or anyone, or have any regrets in life at all. I want to CTB because I'm bored and tired of life as a whole. (My medical condition doesn't help either.) No amount of money, entertainment, or success will change my state of mind in the slightest... I don't even want to go to Heaven or Hell if they exist... The only path for me is NonExistence.
I would also like to thank you for the great community here. Despite how many people try to trash talk this website, I find it to be very informative... Why should methods of CTB be censored? There's nothing worse than keeping information private in the name of "public safety". Knowledge is power and having information on how to leave your current situation isn't a bad thing. It's also just a more realistic forum where people don't give you the classic BS responses like:
"It'll get better", "Go talk to someone", "We care about you" (as if they really care about someone they've never met LMAO
. People who say this should save their sympathies for the people getting genocided on the other side of the planet. If you say something and not do anything about it, what difference do your words make? I just find it funny how some people's lives are seen as less valuable because they are different from you or live in a different country. I feel like humanity at this point should be advanced enough to not worry about these pointless details, but at the end of the day I guess it doesn't matter. It's not like I'll be around to witness it anyway. I'm just interested in knowing how far humanity will advance. Will we land humans on different planets or will some guy nuke the planet and kill everyone? That's something I've always wanted to know.)
Anyways, Thank you SaSu!
Final notes:
I will leave a timeframe of about 1 week. If I don't post to my profile or come to make updates to this post, you can assume that I'm dead. I will also be disabling my Dms and will not contact anyone asking for personal information. If that happens you can assume that my account has been compromised by whoever comes to retrieve my devices after I CTB.
My profile will also be made public, including my online status and currently viewing. You will also be able to see all of my other posts, that way you can know when I'm compromised. -- But also note that SN can cause you to go into Cardiac Arrest. So I could be in a hospital for that week that I don't make an update. Also, if I unfortunately manage to survive somehow... I'll come back here and try to explain where I might've gone wrong. (Also I'd recommend not messaging me either for your own privacy)
-- I also hope that if someone who knows me finds my SaSu post from the descriptions above, they don't go around blaming others or themselves for what happened. I know what I wanted and this is what I chose. Whether you tried to talk me out of it beforehand or not, nothing would have changed, and no one even knows that I ever attempted suicide 4 times before anyway. They are completely clueless about what I'm thinking or have ever thought before and that's for a reason! I never told anyone and never will! I mean why would I? I'd just end up in a Psych-Ward, so what reason would I have to talk to anyone about what I'm about to do? This is what happens when people are brought into this world without their permission and aren't allowed to leave on their own terms. They resort to suicide instead... If the government offered Medically Assisted-Suicide to any adult that just wanted to leave this world, less people would resort to using violent means of suicide. Even if it costs a lot to get it, it's still cheaper than living for even a year, so it's very much worth it for someone that wants to get it over with. But this would never happen because it's only limited to terminally ill patients, and the pro-lifers want to have full control of your actions even if it doesn't involve them. If you want to keep on living then go ahead, if you believe life is a gift and beautiful then you're free to believe that. But to force someone else to keep living when they don't want to, and when they never chose to come into this world in the first place is just terrible. Who do you think you are to force someone to keep living? These guys will tell people to keep living because they "care about them" but if someone ends up homeless on the street, would you give them a single cent? You'd just assume that they're homeless because they're lazy or will just use the money to buy drugs. If they get government assistance you will say that they're wasting tax payers money... So if a homeless guy wants to end it because they see no hope why shouldn't they? You're not gonna help them anyway so why pretend to be a hero of justice that cares for all life when in reality it's just about yourself? And as for suicide being a selfish thing, it technically is, you're ending your life to escape a situation that you don't like which will affect the emotional state of the people around you... So what? What if it's selfish? You think that's gonna stop someone from doing it anyway? People have a level of innate selfishness regardless of what you'd like to believe, and no one on this planet is an exception to that rule, that's just how we work. It's just that some people are more selfless than others which doesn't counter the previous point. I also just find it interesting how people will call you "selfish" when at the end of the day they're being the same way. They want you to keep on living so that they don't feel bad about themselves, so that they don't see their parenting as a failure, and so that it doesn't reflect negatively on the society we live in. If people were just allowed to kill themselves through painless methods, society would start having doubts about morality and having children in general. If 10 million people suddenly wanted to kill themselves, people who you never thought would want to do anything like that, what would that say about society? people would quickly realize how pointless life actually is and society will quickly plunge into chaos. This is why I want to leave as soon as possible before Sodium Nitrite is banned. I don't want to live in a world filled with people who think they can control how you will live and die.
1. Advil 600mg (200mgX3) -- Ibuprofen (1 Hour before SN)
2. Metoclopramide 30mg (5mgx6) --Antiemetic (40 Minutes before SN) -- also taking 10mg before breakfast and before bed the 2 previous days. (Don't have enough Meto to do the every 8 hours version)
3. Omeprazole Acid Reducer 140mg (20mgx7) -- Taken 7 days before the SN (20mg each day until the SN drink)
(Don't have Benzodiazepines... But honestly I don't need them.)
I will fast for at least 8 hours beforehand, and won't drink anything apart from water for the medicine and for the SN drink.
(-- For the SN I will be using 25 grams + 25g split between 2 cups in case of vomiting. -- The purity/concentration of the SN is 99.6%) -- I will take the SN with 50ml water
--
Some other things to note about me:
Gender: Male
Weight: 145~ Lbs / 66~ Kgs
1. I don't recall vomiting past my single digit age years. (after 7-10 years old, I don't believe that I've vomited even once.) So I'd like to think that I have a pretty decent resistance to vomiting/gagging which could influence my success rate.
2. I'm not exactly afraid of death, so I won't panic and call for an ambulance. Once I've made up my mind on something, I will make sure to see it through to the end.
3. Despite not fearing death itself, I fear the amount of pain that happens before it. (This is why I chose SN as a method.) E.x - If someone showed up with a gun and pointed it at me, I wouldn't be afraid of the fact that I'm about to die, but the fact that they could shoot my leg instead which wouldn't kill me. As long as the method in question is guaranteed to lead to my death, my level of fear decreases.
4. I've tried to end my life before I even turned 10 years old. When I was younger I tried to end it using Rat Poison (that's a very terrible way to go, you will literally vomit blood and be in pain for days before death.) This was mainly due to stress at school and not wanting to be there, which led me to do some stupid things out of desperation. (but the weirdest part is that I ended up surviving that with no damage to my organs whatsoever... I put the rat poison in water and drank it, but I guess either the amount was too low or that I got lucky.)
My second attempt was in my teenage years where I tried to overdose on 60+ pain killer tablets... this obviously didn't work again and I ended up surviving for a second time.
My third attempt was in my teenage years where I tried to drink Liquid Iodine. (you know the disinfectant that you put on wounds when you get cut...) The moment it touched my tongue I felt possibly the most amount of internal pain I've ever experienced! It started burning immediately, and I couldn't even manage to push it down my throat to swallow... I immediately rushed to the bathroom, spat it out, and kept rinsing my mouth over and over but the pain wouldn't go away. I was probably rinsing for at least 20 minutes before deciding to go back to bed. But even after that I just kept drooling like a dog and it wouldn't stop till the next morning.
My fourth attempt was again in my teenage years where I tried to hang myself with a belt over a bunk bed. The pain was so unbearable that I stepped down only after a couple seconds. (This is when I realized how pointless it is to use methods that take a minute or longer and a lot of physical effort. - I never even tried to jump because I just had a feeling that I would survive and end up disabled for the rest of my life.)
5. I don't particularly have hatred for anything or anyone, or have any regrets in life at all. I want to CTB because I'm bored and tired of life as a whole. (My medical condition doesn't help either.) No amount of money, entertainment, or success will change my state of mind in the slightest... I don't even want to go to Heaven or Hell if they exist... The only path for me is NonExistence.
I would also like to thank you for the great community here. Despite how many people try to trash talk this website, I find it to be very informative... Why should methods of CTB be censored? There's nothing worse than keeping information private in the name of "public safety". Knowledge is power and having information on how to leave your current situation isn't a bad thing. It's also just a more realistic forum where people don't give you the classic BS responses like:
"It'll get better", "Go talk to someone", "We care about you" (as if they really care about someone they've never met LMAO
. People who say this should save their sympathies for the people getting genocided on the other side of the planet. If you say something and not do anything about it, what difference do your words make? I just find it funny how some people's lives are seen as less valuable because they are different from you or live in a different country. I feel like humanity at this point should be advanced enough to not worry about these pointless details, but at the end of the day I guess it doesn't matter. It's not like I'll be around to witness it anyway. I'm just interested in knowing how far humanity will advance. Will we land humans on different planets or will some guy nuke the planet and kill everyone? That's something I've always wanted to know.)Anyways, Thank you SaSu!
Final notes:
I will leave a timeframe of about 1 week. If I don't post to my profile or come to make updates to this post, you can assume that I'm dead. I will also be disabling my Dms and will not contact anyone asking for personal information. If that happens you can assume that my account has been compromised by whoever comes to retrieve my devices after I CTB.
My profile will also be made public, including my online status and currently viewing. You will also be able to see all of my other posts, that way you can know when I'm compromised. -- But also note that SN can cause you to go into Cardiac Arrest. So I could be in a hospital for that week that I don't make an update. Also, if I unfortunately manage to survive somehow... I'll come back here and try to explain where I might've gone wrong. (Also I'd recommend not messaging me either for your own privacy)
-- I also hope that if someone who knows me finds my SaSu post from the descriptions above, they don't go around blaming others or themselves for what happened. I know what I wanted and this is what I chose. Whether you tried to talk me out of it beforehand or not, nothing would have changed, and no one even knows that I ever attempted suicide 4 times before anyway. They are completely clueless about what I'm thinking or have ever thought before and that's for a reason! I never told anyone and never will! I mean why would I? I'd just end up in a Psych-Ward, so what reason would I have to talk to anyone about what I'm about to do? This is what happens when people are brought into this world without their permission and aren't allowed to leave on their own terms. They resort to suicide instead... If the government offered Medically Assisted-Suicide to any adult that just wanted to leave this world, less people would resort to using violent means of suicide. Even if it costs a lot to get it, it's still cheaper than living for even a year, so it's very much worth it for someone that wants to get it over with. But this would never happen because it's only limited to terminally ill patients, and the pro-lifers want to have full control of your actions even if it doesn't involve them. If you want to keep on living then go ahead, if you believe life is a gift and beautiful then you're free to believe that. But to force someone else to keep living when they don't want to, and when they never chose to come into this world in the first place is just terrible. Who do you think you are to force someone to keep living? These guys will tell people to keep living because they "care about them" but if someone ends up homeless on the street, would you give them a single cent? You'd just assume that they're homeless because they're lazy or will just use the money to buy drugs. If they get government assistance you will say that they're wasting tax payers money... So if a homeless guy wants to end it because they see no hope why shouldn't they? You're not gonna help them anyway so why pretend to be a hero of justice that cares for all life when in reality it's just about yourself? And as for suicide being a selfish thing, it technically is, you're ending your life to escape a situation that you don't like which will affect the emotional state of the people around you... So what? What if it's selfish? You think that's gonna stop someone from doing it anyway? People have a level of innate selfishness regardless of what you'd like to believe, and no one on this planet is an exception to that rule, that's just how we work. It's just that some people are more selfless than others which doesn't counter the previous point. I also just find it interesting how people will call you "selfish" when at the end of the day they're being the same way. They want you to keep on living so that they don't feel bad about themselves, so that they don't see their parenting as a failure, and so that it doesn't reflect negatively on the society we live in. If people were just allowed to kill themselves through painless methods, society would start having doubts about morality and having children in general. If 10 million people suddenly wanted to kill themselves, people who you never thought would want to do anything like that, what would that say about society? people would quickly realize how pointless life actually is and society will quickly plunge into chaos. This is why I want to leave as soon as possible before Sodium Nitrite is banned. I don't want to live in a world filled with people who think they can control how you will live and die.
