Discussion Goodbye Letter ?

[Simba]

I wrote a letter to my friend and was going to make my phone send it after i go from this earth but i don't know if my letter is just useless :/ I'd appreciate for your opinions on this ..

I don't know if it's any good and sorry that it won't be much of use to you too but I'd a preciate that you'd at least read it. Doesn't have to be today either.


Dear (friends name),
I wish we wouldn't have drifted a part... I know you never meant for bad to come between us ,and i don't really care much about your opinion regarding yourself because i really think that you are wrong and perhaps you should take another rain check .. you'll never know what the outcome may be. I actually wanted to talk to you about rejection and i am pretty sure you can resonate with that too. Not here for a effing pitty party if that's what you were going to think.
The effects of rejection towards people. I know I know, a lot of people will probably be like "oh just get over it with some binge watching and B&J ice cream !" . Fact is ,it's not always that simple.. the 'getting over' it part. Anyways ,i wanted to say how much you really meant to me (even if you think that you are mean - to me you're not ). You befriended me and took your time to get to know me. I'm not usually a person who will try to contact a person that i like over a phone but i called you. It was an interesting friendship in my opinion.. i learn a lot about you and the way you talked too.. it was gonna happen eventually. Friendships Relationships and me aren't really my thing even tho i really try to communicate - sometimes you're just not good at it and that's that. I really liked your personality i think a lot of people that are yet to come will find you as a fine man or maybe even a husband. I wish you luck in that field. It's proven to be difficult but with the right attitude , knowledge and kindness one can make it to the top. But it doesn't always work that way for everyone.. you see - i was once told that if you can't love yourself ,then you can't love anybody , basically not really possible. However it may seem to you that i am broken ,at least i had myself. I don't really like myself but you do with what you got. Who knew that making friends and relationships would be too hard ? Guess i thought it was going well for us; i should've looked between the lines maybe i would've seen it earlier. I would've had some card up my sleeve ready for it ^^ I don't want to be a burden to people , i don't people to see how unhappy i am.. i thought you'd understand - and you did for the time being. I hate the idea of being rejected and I've been rejected before and it just pains me inside knowing that a person just doesn't want to talk to me no more. And rightfully so. I should respect your wishes, but it is difficult for me to do so. I really am trying to understand where you are coming from but i guess im just not good at it. I have decided to take matters in to my own hands and try to end my whole suffering. I don't want to go in life full of rejections. It's like i said - people i like seem to drift away from while people who im somewhat ok but not to the point that im much interested ARE interested in talking to me. I find that very odd to be honest. Why would anyone want to communicate with me anyways ? I have nothing to give but myself ,so im pretty much useless and gathering up space in this already much populated society. Even if i do end up a vegetable ; well ,at least i won't have to face anymore rejections from humans ,as much as horrible as it may sound - I'd rather be a vegetable and not have to be rejected and not have all this emotional tormoil. But I'll feel bad for my family.. my parents are in their middle ages.. they're probably gonna think that I'm being selfish for this but should a person really stay living if he's just going to suffer till his last days of his life ? I beg to differ anyways ,i don't think anyone should suffer and neither should I. By offing myself now ,i won't have to continue life like this no more. No more emotions. Nothing. I'll be an empty shell of what usetoo be someone ,or nothing.. i won't runaway from death anymore. I might as well accept the fact that my bad contradictions will always come true. Please don't blame yourself ,no one's at fault here. I've seen it coming since 2016-15. But now i come to realise that there is no point in continuing in this so called "Life" if you're just not cut up for it. Too many rejections. Too many pains. Too many things have made me who i am today. My psychiatrist told me that maybe it's part of my personality. Being sad and depressed. I'd like to think that i was a bit more happier in life than sad.. if i fail this then I'll probably feel really sad and embarrassed. After all, i meant every bit of what i had written in this letter. Maybe you should work a bit more on how you can think about other people also and not just you. Not saying that you're always like that - but it wouldn't kill you to think a little about others other than yourself from time to time. I wish you a happy and fulfilling life. _And_ , you are NOT a psychopath !


Good day ,
Simba.


P.S. this letter was planned to be sent late anyways so just please don't feel bad or blame yourself it's no one's fault at all and neither is you !!


P.P.S. i decided on the D that i told you about just in case you are wondering.

 

[Simba]

I was thinking about offing myself with Lyrica even tho i was told that it'll make me high ; im still not so certain .. any criticism comment is welcome too

 

[Simba]

I wanted to know if anyone of yee have any opinions regarding my letter - i don't know what will happen afterwards .. that's why i want to ask for your opinions ... Thankyou ,Simba

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I read it, and I'm sorry i was distracted and did not respond. I think if it feels right, the letter is good. It's good to vent and get your feelings out, and you also did not blame your friend, and I like how you ended it saying they are not a psychopath. Well written my friend

 

[TakeYourHappyPills]

I wrote a letter to my friend and was going to make my phone send it after i go from this earth but i don't know if my letter is just useless :/ I'd appreciate for your opinions on this ..

I believe it's very well written and would definitely add closure to your friend (: hope you find peace

 

[all_pointless]

Simba I had the chance to read a little bit of your journal. I feel for you. Hugs

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

If I'm reading this correctly, what you're saying to the person is that you've been suicidal for a while but that this is the final rejection that pushed you to make that decision. The rest is kind of confusing to me -- it seems you're saying that the person had a right to stop speaking to you, that they're not a sociopath, but they need to think more about others and how they affect them and less of themselves. It seems like you're afraid to come right out and say, "You're abusive, and I'm killing myself because of you."

Like, I knew a guy who was an alcoholic and raised in an abusive family. He didn't feel like he could say things directly, so he'd always say things to me like, "I'm not trying to hit on you," or "I'm not trying to date you." I always knew that almost anything he said was the opposite. And then one day he complained at me for dating someone he didn't think was a good guy, and why did that guy get girls when he didn't? So really, he was jealous of the guy's success, and angry with me for not giving him the chance he never even spoke up for. It was all really passive and approaching everything from the side instead of directly. I feel like that's what you're doing with this person -- you're trying to make them feel great about themselves and not take any blame, but underneath, you really want to say the opposite. And you're saying, "No, you're not mean like you said you are (but you're mean enough that I'm killing myself)." So, logically, I wonder what is the point of the letter if you won't say what you really want to say? I get that you might not have the ability to approach things directly, but what kind of results do you get when you approach them from the side? How do you want this person to respond?

The guy who didn't/did want to go out with me never got rejected because he never put himself out there, but yet he did in a sideways way, and he felt rejected. I think he knew I wouldn't have said yes even if he had been direct. Is the same kind of thing happening with this letter? Do you already know that this person will never admit fault or take blame, so you say it passively, just in case he might, and already resent that no matter how you approach it, he won't? Do you secretly hope that after you die and he reads it, he will be torn up by anguish and guilt, and feel as annihilated as you do? Because I don't see that being likely to happen.

Anyhow, I don't know how you'll take this comment, especially if you have a hard time with directness. But I saw that you were asking for feedback and not getting many responses, so I took the time to keep rereading the letter and figure out what was troubling me about it. I hope my feedback helps you in some way, even if it takes a bit for it to get through your defenses that may tell you I'm hurting you. I have no intention of doing that at all, only answering honestly what you requested, with no agenda. And ultimately, you can reject what I say, and that's cool. You know yourself inside and you know what happened in this relationship, I don't.

 

[Simba]

If I'm reading this correctly, what you're saying to the person is that you've been suicidal for a while but that this is the final rejection that pushed you to make that decision. The rest is kind of confusing to me -- it seems you're saying that the person had a right to stop speaking to you, that they're not a sociopath, but they need to think more about others and how they affect them and less of themselves. It seems like you're afraid to come right out and say, "You're abusive, and I'm killing myself because of you."

Like, I knew a guy who was an alcoholic and raised in an abusive family. He didn't feel like he could say things directly, so he'd always say things to me like, "I'm not trying to hit on you," or "I'm not trying to date you." I always knew that almost anything he said was the opposite. And then one day he complained at me for dating someone he didn't think was a good guy, and why did that guy get girls when he didn't? So really, he was jealous of the guy's success, and angry with me for not giving him the chance he never even spoke up for. It was all really passive and approaching everything from the side instead of directly. I feel like that's what you're doing with this person -- you're trying to make them feel great about themselves and not take any blame, but underneath, you really want to say the opposite. And you're saying, "No, you're not mean like you said you are (but you're mean enough that I'm killing myself)." So, logically, I wonder what is the point of the letter if you won't say what you really want to say? I get that you might not have the ability to approach things directly, but what kind of results do you get when you approach them from the side? How do you want this person to respond?

The guy who didn't/did want to go out with me never got rejected because he never put himself out there, but yet he did in a sideways way, and he felt rejected. I think he knew I wouldn't have said yes even if he had been direct. Is the same kind of thing happening with this letter? Do you already know that this person will never admit fault or take blame, so you say it passively, just in case he might, and already resent that no matter how you approach it, he won't? Do you secretly hope that after you die and he reads it, he will be torn up by anguish and guilt, and feel as annihilated as you do? Because I don't see that being likely to happen.

Anyhow, I don't know how you'll take this comment, especially if you have a hard time with directness. But I saw that you were asking for feedback and not getting many responses, so I took the time to keep rereading the letter and figure out what was troubling me about it. I hope my feedback helps you in some way, even if it takes a bit for it to get through your defenses that may tell you I'm hurting you. I have no intention of doing that at all, only answering honestly what you requested, with no agenda. And ultimately, you can reject what I say, and that's cool. You know yourself inside and you know what happened in this relationship, I don't.

We were only friends , and i read all of your reply yet i don't think that he's abusive . He hasn't done anything to me that'll make me think that "oh he's abusive " and such. He's a nice person and i do not want him to be torn.. quite the opposite. It's the rejection part of everything that is making me really sad. If anything he isn't the problem and he isn't to blame here.. he doesn't want to associate with me no more. That's fine. It hurts to the point were i keep having more bad thoughts going thru my mind.. it feels like as if i try to ctb yet I'll most likely fail .. im actually not certain about anything anymore :( what exactly will i lose if i die ? i don't really much know anymore :(

I read it, and I'm sorry i was distracted and did not respond. I think if it feels right, the letter is good. It's good to vent and get your feelings out, and you also did not blame your friend, and I like how you ended it saying they are not a psychopath. Well written my friend

Yes. Well , it's no body's problem but mine. I'm the one that's messed up here not them. If i think too much of myself I'll be selfish and i don't want that cause then people will think that im selfish when I'm not so i think more of other people than me.

I believe it's very well written and would definitely add closure to your friend (: hope you find peace

Thankyou. To be honest - i don't think I'll ever find piece.. im not so certain anymore.. i usetoo write Suicide Letters but id stop in the middle.. i don't know what to do anymore.. some days are ok and some days are just really shitty :/ :(

Simba I had the chance to read a little bit of your journal. I feel for you. Hugs

Don't worry it oks thankyou for the hug

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

We were only friends , and i read all of your reply yet i don't think that he's abusive . He hasn't done anything to me that'll make me think that "oh he's abusive " and such. He's a nice person and i do not want him to be torn.. quite the opposite. It's the rejection part of everything that is making me really sad. If anything he isn't the problem and he isn't to blame here.. he doesn't want to associate with me no more. That's fine. It hurts to the point were i keep having more bad thoughts going thru my mind.. it feels like as if i try to ctb yet I'll most likely fail .. im actually not certain about anything anymore :( what exactly will i lose if i die ? i don't really much know anymore :(

You may want to rewrite the letter more simply and clearly, then, because it's not yet getting across what you said in this comment, which was simple, clear and direct in the first part. I'm not criticizing you, it's a constructive criticism of the work, as I learned from many writing classes. Sometimes it helps if someone external steps in as the audience and says whether or not the work is reaching the intentded audience or confusing them. The first draft was confusing, but your clarification was not.

I wasn't implying that you dated, I was comparing your communication style with someone I knew who used passive communication in a very overt way, romantic interest just happened to be the subject.

Based on your last sentences in the quoted comment, I think the letter is perhaps more about what you're trying to work out for yourself than what you want to say to him. I see that a lot with folks writing their letters, and I went through it myself -- the process of working stuff out, even though it seems like it's directed at someone else, it's really about the self.

 

[Simba]

You may want to rewrite the letter more simply and clearly, then, because it's not yet getting across what you said in this comment, which was simple, clear and direct in the first part. I'm not criticizing you, it's a constructive criticism of the work, as I learned from many writing classes. Sometimes it helps if someone external steps in as the audience and says whether or not the work is reaching the intentded audience or confusing them. The first draft was confusing, but your clarification was not.

I wasn't implying that you dated, I was comparing your communication style with someone I knew who used passive communication in a very overt way, romantic interest just happened to be the subject.

Based on your last sentences in the quoted comment, I think the letter is perhaps more about what you're trying to work out for yourself than what you want to say to him. I see that a lot with folks writing their letters, and I went through it myself -- the process of working stuff out, even though it seems like it's directed at someone else, it's really about the self.

To be honest - i don't think that there is much to work out with me.. i feel as if im at a dead end. I want to talk to people but the rejections.. it makes me think that maybe I'm just better of by myself ,and i know fully well that i still want to be around people ,yet there is always going to be rejection. People will always leave. It's inevitable. So what is the point in trying to help myself if im never gonna have friends ? After all ,it is what i really wanted in life more than anything.. i always end up messing it up somehow. I feel like that im the one that's in the wrong simply because I've got autism which makes it for me harder to understand other people and meanings and taking things literally and so on. It's obvious that im the problem in all this. If it weren't for me , people would still be able to have a great life and enjoy but noo everything got crushed when i was born. I crushed everyone cause i couldn't understand things the way a normal person would and im just a burden to everyone anyways.. if i die then no one will have to keep thinking about me and worrying about me and how to accommodate my needs and so on.. people will finally be able to live life the way that THEY want it without me there stopping or preventing them from doing so :( you know ,i never usetoo know what were different shortcut words like stfu and so on that everytime a person would write any of those kind of words I'd look it up on Google just so i wouldn't have to keep asking cause I'd probably annoy and it'll be just stupid i mean who doesn't know those kinds of things ?? :(

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Holy crap, the shame you feel for being you, that you're not good enough, that you're to blame for so many things. I say holy crap because I hear you. I heard every word. I heard the heaviness. I hear that you believe you have no value, worth, validity, or are at all lovable.

Fuck.

It seems like, at the edge of ctb, that you're at a moment of crisis: you can accept all of this and be crushed by it, or you can reject it and see where that takes you. Or, the fever will go down you and can maintain the status quo until you reach another crisis point brought about of the unbearability of being crushed. I'm not trying to define you here, I know my perceptions can be off, but this is what I hear and how I interpret it.

Whatever you decide is best for you, I sincerely wish for your well-being and empowerment -- I know that's an overused word, but I wish for you to be able to have power for yourself, rather than being weighed down and crushed. But even more important is whatever you wish for yourself.

I am powerless to change anything for you, so what I've written is the best I can offer you. It came from my heart. You don't have to receive it.

I wish you the best.

 

[Simba]

Holy crap, the shame you feel for being you, that you're not good enough, that you're to blame for so many things. I say holy crap because I hear you. I heard every word. I heard the heaviness. I hear that you believe you have no value, worth, validity, or are at all lovable.

Fuck.

It seems like, at the edge of ctb, that you're at a moment of crisis: you can accept all of this and be crushed by it, or you can reject it and see where that takes you. Or, the fever will go down you and can maintain the status quo until you reach another crisis point brought about of the unbearability of being crushed. I'm not trying to define you here, I know my perceptions can be off, but this is what I hear and how I interpret it.

Whatever you decide is best for you, I sincerely wish for your well-being and empowerment -- I know that's an overused word, but I wish for you to be able to have power for yourself, rather than being weighed down and crushed. But even more important is whatever you wish for yourself.

I am powerless to change anything for you, so what I've written is the best I can offer you. It came from my heart. You don't have to receive it.

I wish you the best.

You're not powerless ,you're all nice to me it makes me feel bad for even thinking about the letter i wrote like other people got it way worse than me im not starving and so on like im depressed and im just supposed to get over it or something cause if i don't I'll always stay broken ,i say that cause my friend said that im broken and how can a broken person like me find anything worthwhile to staying in this life ?do i even deserve to live at this point ? I tend to let people use me cause that is probably the closest thing I'll ever get to in a friendship/ relationship.. im sorry