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slushy

slushy

Member
Feb 19, 2022
89
Just thought I'd do a goodbye message. I've decided to delete my account. I watched the recent video covering this forum, and honestly, some of the points were good. Some points I definitely disagreed with, but I try to be an open minded person, and I'm ready to leave here. I've started to question the motivation of individuals here providing suicide instructions. I'm still suicidal, but I feel like this site won't be helpful to me, whether I decide to ctb or recover. I've been trying to access therapists for months, but none of them have been willing to see me thus far. I thought that on this forum there would be people who understand me and let me express how I was actually feeling, and assist me in ending my pain, but I see now that not all people here are necessarily comrades, but potential bad actors. Something that I suppose should have been obvious. My suspicion is confirmed that no one cares truly, only for themselves. Which I know wasn't the intended takeaway from the video, but it's what I feel inside.

I'm worried now, though, because this site was the only space I felt like I could truly express what I was feeling. I have friends, and I've discussed these things a bit with some of them, but I can tell right away that they don't understand, we aren't on the same page, and that I'm dragging them down with my negative talk. I've tried many different hotlines and I'm tired of reading through the same generic scripts each time. I don't know where I'll go now for support. But I see that this isn't the place I had imagined. I wonder if I'll get better or worse after leaving here. Time will tell

Wish you all the best
 
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ImpairedLowlife

ImpairedLowlife

Empty and hollow
Aug 3, 2020
367
Sorry for your bad experience with this site and pain that brought you here.
It's your decision and no one will judge you. And if you ever feel like coming back to this place I don't think anyone will be against it.
Weather you will decide to recover or CTB wising you best luck with it :hug:
 
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mint

mint

Member
Jan 11, 2023
33
if it helps, you can talk to me. i know we don't know each other, but if your life has brought you to a forum like this one, then maybe i can relate.
 
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C

cowmeow

Member
Jan 14, 2023
11
I'm new here and i also question my reasons to stay sometimes, maybe one day i will ctb, or delete the account and move on, who knows.. I'm sorry that you feel like you can't have the support you need, even here.
I wish you luck and a good recover.
I wish i could talk to you, we think very similarly, but if i'm being honest, depressed people talking to depressed people only lead to more sadness lol.
edit i saw the video and also made me rethink some things. It made me angry on others, as i don't agree with everything he said, but maybe being here is going to be worst to my mental health as well. Idk.
good luck
 
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W

Wannagonow

Specialist
Nov 16, 2022
376
I'm very sorry you feel you have no supports or resources- especially from a therapist, who sometimes can be helpful. I understand why you feel this site might not be supportive or the resource you need either.

I do think there are people here that care- and maybe a few that don't as well. We all have our own issues going on. At times those issues can make it hard for some of us to always be supportive.

I wish you luck as you leave. I hope you'll continue to look for resources for yourself.
 
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Kualk

Kualk

May we all find peace
Jan 10, 2023
43
It's a great shame that you live in a place where therapists aren't able or aren't willing to help you, thought words on the internet may mean very little to you I honestly feel for you.
That being said you are making a potentially healthy choice, there is no shame in that. Hope you eventually find some meaningful help in the form of therapy or some other human connection.
 
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B

BBBB

Member
Jan 13, 2023
167
if it helps, you can talk to me. i know we don't know each other, but if your life has brought you to a forum like this one, then maybe i can relate.
Me too! Feel free to contact me.
 
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FrozenMango

FrozenMango

Hello from the other side
Aug 16, 2022
184
I understand. Good for you for making the decision that works for you. I wish you the best on your recovery efforts. Take care
 
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Uber

Uber

Member
Jan 14, 2023
35
@slushy From your perspective, what is a bad actor?
 
MidnightCat

MidnightCat

Still 3 more lives to go.
Jan 1, 2023
314
Just thought I'd do a goodbye message. I've decided to delete my account. I watched the recent video covering this forum, and honestly, some of the points were good. Some points I definitely disagreed with, but I try to be an open minded person, and I'm ready to leave here. I've started to question the motivation of individuals here providing suicide instructions. I'm still suicidal, but I feel like this site won't be helpful to me, whether I decide to ctb or recover. I've been trying to access therapists for months, but none of them have been willing to see me thus far. I thought that on this forum there would be people who understand me and let me express how I was actually feeling, and assist me in ending my pain, but I see now that not all people here are necessarily comrades, but potential bad actors. Something that I suppose should have been obvious. My suspicion is confirmed that no one cares truly, only for themselves. Which I know wasn't the intended takeaway from the video, but it's what I feel inside.

I'm worried now, though, because this site was the only space I felt like I could truly express what I was feeling. I have friends, and I've discussed these things a bit with some of them, but I can tell right away that they don't understand, we aren't on the same page, and that I'm dragging them down with my negative talk. I've tried many different hotlines and I'm tired of reading through the same generic scripts each time. I don't know where I'll go now for support. But I see that this isn't the place I had imagined. I wonder if I'll get better or worse after leaving here. Time will tell

Wish you all the best
I understand you very well.

There's people in the forum that only try to lead you to ctb, regarding of the situation. I've seen post of people who are just crying for help get pushed towards ctb no matter what, and I do feel like that is extremely toxic behaviour, there's people out there that feed on pain inflicted to others.


But, there's the other side of the coin too. There's a lot of people who can relate, help, listen and have a nice discussion.

Of course we're all more or less suicidal here, but there's healthy ways to discuss things, there's room for help... and there's room for ctb.

But it's very nasty when you see people pushing others..

Could you send me the video? I would like to check it out.

Thanks and best of lucks, whatever you end up going for.

@slushy From your perspective, what is a bad actor?

If it helps, you can read above my opinion of the topic.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,924
Nobody is being 'pushed' towards suicide on this site, people should stop telling lies, it's made perfectly clear that suicide is a personal decision, respecting someone's decision isn't 'pushing' and nobody is told that they must die on here. But of course anything which isn't, 'you need help and things will get better' type thing is pushing others to suicide according to some people, am I right?. But maybe some of you are better suited for a pro life forum. It's so obvious to me that when people say things like that, they are the bad actors instead, it's very suspicious when people come on here to repeat the lies that the media says about this site.

But anyway I don't care about some stupid pro life video, which was made by someone who is insane, which is why I avoid most of the threads about it. I'm not going to torture myself by watching that garbage. I get that others are obsessed with it, so good luck to them. Bye OP.
 
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J

jay308

Member
Jan 16, 2023
58
SS is a safe place. Here we all understand each other very well. There is no other place like SS where one feels accepted. I agree there are some users here who always post negative. Just ignore them.
 
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kovu

kovu

unendlichkeit
Nov 15, 2021
84
I understand you very well.

There's people in the forum that only try to lead you to ctb, regarding of the situation. I've seen post of people who are just crying for help get pushed towards ctb no matter what, and I do feel like that is extremely toxic behaviour, there's people out there that feed on pain inflicted to others.


But, there's the other side of the coin too. There's a lot of people who can relate, help, listen and have a nice discussion.

Of course we're all more or less suicidal here, but there's healthy ways to discuss things, there's room for help... and there's room for ctb.

But it's very nasty when you see people pushing others..

Could you send me the video? I would like to check it out.

Thanks and best of lucks, whatever you end up going for.



If it helps, you can read above my opinion of the topic.
In case nobody's dm'd you the video, it's by Tantacrul on YouTube, entitled: "Encouraging the Young to Die - The Most Toxic Site I've Ever Seen".
 
MidnightCat

MidnightCat

Still 3 more lives to go.
Jan 1, 2023
314
Nobody is being 'pushed' towards suicide on this site, people should stop telling lies, it's made perfectly clear that suicide is a personal decision, respecting someone's decision isn't 'pushing' and nobody is told that they must die on here. But of course anything which isn't, 'you need help and things will get better' type thing is pushing others to suicide according to some people, am I right?. But maybe some of you are better suited for a pro life forum. It's so obvious to me that when people say things like that, they are the bad actors instead, it's very suspicious when people come on here to repeat the lies that the media says about this site.

But anyway I don't care about some stupid pro life video, which was made by someone who is insane, which is why I avoid most of the threads about it. I'm not going to torture myself by watching that garbage. I get that others are obsessed with it, so good luck to them. Bye OP.

I cannot agree with that unfortunately.

I'm not naming post or people because I'm noone to judge or point anyone.

However, there's post where you can clearly see that person just want to ctb. And that's fine, anything wrong with that.

BUT, there's also posts of people basically screaming for help disguised as a ctb thread. (Which, happens a lot, and you can see those people later in the "Recovery" section)

Most of us can see the difference, and the ones who are searching for help (not to ctb) sometimes recieve pushy comments. This is somewhat "normal" as not everybody tries to help and everyone is his own individual (and we're not a hive mind or cult as the video refered)

At the time of my last reply I didn't watched the video, I have seen it now and its full of BS, which, again, does not mean some people push for it. Been lurking for a long time, nothing new.

Helping someone who's asking for help is not pro life and I those people don't need to go to any other forum. As I try to listen to those who need it, or maybe give my opinion in some things that keep me barely alive I don't really feel like a pro life for not answering "Yes, every absolute thing is bad for absolutely everyone and goodbye".

For the record, althought that video may have used you as an example of "pushy" people, I do not feel in any way you're part of that group. I'm not talking about comments like yours of "hope you find peace, and sorry for what happened, life is bad". I'm talking about others.

Althought, the quoted message is something I cannot agree and seems way more bitter compared on your normal quotes I think this topic might don't like you, but wanted to clarify my answer.
 
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MidnightCat

MidnightCat

Still 3 more lives to go.
Jan 1, 2023
314
In case nobody's dm'd you the video, it's by Tantacrul on YouTube, entitled: "Encouraging the Young to Die - The Most Toxic Site I've Ever Seen".
Ty, seen it already as it appeared on another post in the forum.

It's not a fair video and seems heavily distorted, that's to gain views and, in part, thanks to "not suicidal people" not being able to fully understand what is going on and the help this forum provides, not only to ctb but to feel listened, share with people that can understand your feelings and thoughts and so on.

At the very beggining when I started lurking 2 years ago, I was a little scared of this site. I thought being here would accelerate my eventual death.
HOWEVER I was wrong, really wrong. Since I made the account and started interacting with people in the forum I'm a little better at handling my suicidal thoughts.

Yes, thanks to this site I know more ways to die. A lot of them way painless that the ones I had planned.

But, on the other hand, thanks to this site I might live a day more, a week... or the time it takes for me to overload. SS helps me cope and vent.

It's true not everyone is nice, good and sweet. But let's be honest, how's people outside SS anyway?
 
blackwidow

blackwidow

Road to nowhere
Aug 12, 2022
232
Well written.. Thes alot some people will take away from what you've said.. Some will agree others won't. But that's life.. It's your opinion and your entitled to it.. This place is not a safe place, anyone thinking that is deluded.. However, if your savvy and either ignore or bypass some of the stuff that's annoying or irrelevant to your self then it can help. Thes alot I disagree with that goes on on here but like I said, I ignore it, and take from here what benefits me., because that's who I'm here for.. Me. I could never encourage or give any advice at all to anyone in assisting a plea for help as to how to ctb,. Why.. Because I don't know their situation, head space, age, abilities, impulsiveness, I know nothing! And I see that forgotten on here constantly.. But like I said, it's my opinion each to there own.. You can say what you like here really., and take from here what you want. It has its place for those that can see through the shit and reteric and dam right dangerous comments some make.. It's like any other forum.. Good bad and the ugly.
 
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