Help GONG

[K-O]

Hiya mates x
Last November I became actively suicidal. After I lost my love to an overdose. I had failed suicide attempts before discovering this site.. and then when I did this place became very important to me.
I seem like an extrovert person but im extremely introvert. I cant seem to share my insides. every time there's something that holds me back.. doesn't matter if its on line or irl , anonymous or not.. I don't trust anyone and im extremely tired and lonely.
Ive just been to rehab for 3 months and there was a gong hanging out side, people used it every time they needed to share a feeling and sometimes they'd use it more that once a day. But I never did.. I need to practice opening up and to fight this shut up urge that sucks me back and keeps all the pain inside.. something I had to do ever since I was a child. Cause if I would express myself I would get terrorized and bullied by my mother. So I used to be an artist and express myself by creating and exposing images instead of talking.. I deserted that as well.. part of my masochistic side..
I experience very extreme mental and emotional zigzagging. there's so much I need to get out and its overwhelming.
Im a stranger to asking for help, going to a rehabilitation institute was the first time I actually did that and put my faith in others. At the end they labeled me a problem and as the disease.. so I ran away.. I break everything..
Im hoping I could use the gong method here with you. Maybe give it a chance..
Recovery is so very hard. It's a low day today. Im still suicidal. not like before, it doesn't comfort me, the end, the choice. It used to calm me down and give me a little peace of mind but not any more.. I don't know where to begin.. im just lost. in regression.
I had to explain my self to a government doctor today in order to maybe receive some financial support for my disabilities.. didn't know what to say.. that im post trauma? Self destructive? Borderline.. Cant seem to do basic things and live like before? Being raped? Abused?.. non of that has any meaning. Nothing matters. Im struggling to find a reason. to feel a reason. Ive lost myself the moment I knew I was going to ctb. Everything changed.
Don't know what to do. There I said something. Im in pain. i dont know where to put it anymore.
love

 

[Deleted member 1465]

It's so hard to open up to people. They say you can do it, you can trust them, especially the professionals, but when you do...blank stares, a void in their eyes that says "er...I didn't want to hear that," and my personal favourite "I'll continue to be here for you, and I really mean that," which actually means that they don't really mean it at all.
Professionals are even worse. Take an SSRI. Take an AP. It's your childhood. Go for a walk. Next.

I think it's good that you post here. You'll get more understanding from people who know the feeling compared to well-meaning folk who haven't experienced despair bad enough to lead to suicidality. They/we can never understand your individual circumstances, but instead can relate to the general feeling and how devastated it leaves you. And ofc the constant uphill and very lonely fight to put one foot in front of the other. Every single day. An every night, even worse for many.

No one on here can solve your issues or make the feelings stop. We can only listen and maybe provide a mirror so that you can explore those feelings realistically, without fear of reprisal or judgement. If you can come to terms with things then that will ultimately come from you, when and if you are ready. IRL friends will often place an unspoken timetable on that and professionals will try to 'force heal' you, often bludgeoning you into submission with medication. That approach never works, not if you aren't ready. Been there.

If you left rehab prematurely, then you had your reasons and it wasn't the right time for you. Take it easy on yourself. It would have been more of a failure to stay and force things if you were not ready, than to leave because it wasn't right for you. That 3 months isn't wasted. You can't waste time, only spend it; we always learn stuff, even if we don't realise it, LOL especially when we don't realise it, that's when all the important stuff sinks in without us knowing it. If you can give it time and stay strong, that experience will be of value to you in the future at some point. Maybe you can even go back. They say there is no timetable on grief or correct way to grieve. Okay, it's a cliche, but it's true. No timetable to recovery either, which is intimately tied to grief. I can tell you a story about that if you want.

I too had people trying to help me, forcing me, medicating me, telling me how I should be thinking and feeling. It made things worse. Once i was left alone, I started to try and figure things out for myself and was (I hope) more honest with myself, rather than expecting quick fixes from those who really didn't have a clue.

I think it's a distinct step posting here in the recovery section. It solves nothing, but maybe it shows a personal commitment. Another cliche, but that's the first step.

All that and this too

 

[Good4Nothing]

It's hard enough being honest with myself, much less opening up to other people. Every time I do I get hurt. This last time was the killer. It's what brought me here. I made myself vulnerable for my favorite person, and she told me I was a piece of shit that she didn't even want to know. She knew my pain, and told me to fuck off and die anyway. I hadn't trusted anyone for almost 10 years, and decided to take a chance. I thought she was special. Now I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone ever again. I want to be a good person, but it's so hard when no one believes in you.

 

[K-O]

I think it's a distinct step posting here in the recovery section. It solves nothing, but maybe it shows a personal commitment.

yes love this is me giving my self a little chance, im so sad and drained..
thank you for all you've written. i feel that too much has happened too fast too painful..

I can tell you a story about that if you want.

ide always love to read from you.

Professionals are even worse. Take an SSRI. Take an AP.

yeah im off the Anti Psychotix since i left rehab.. only ssri (candy)

They say there is no timetable on grief or correct way to grieve.

i wish there was.. i know im gonna have to be extra strong to go on recovering when all i want is to rest.. everything is a massive struggle..

but it's so hard when no one believes in you.

i dont believe in my self.. it seems i hate myself more than i even understood..
as for loving myself? i think that i can love myself when i actively love someone else..
losing my partner that morning was like loosing myself. i died with him in so many ways..
im so tired.

 

[Good4Nothing]

i dont believe in my self.. it seems i hate myself more than i even understood..
as for loving myself? i think that i can love myself when i actively love someone else..

Me too. I hate myself too much to do anything for myself. I need someone to care about in order to give a shit about anything.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I've not lost like you have, but this time last year I was a wreck. Utterly overwhelmed by everything. I'd been bullied out of my family home by my siblings who made me sign power of attorney on threat of abandonment. Then I was dumped here and more or less abandoned to die.

I do know what it's like to hit rock bottom and feel worthless and alone. I know what it's like to give up completely. I came here to die but instead found out that I wasn't alone. I found anger and that worked for me.

My point is this: FWIW you are not alone K-O and you are much valued here.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

What Overdrive said ^^^^.

 

[K-O]

Me too. I hate myself too much to do anything for myself. I need someone to care about in order to give a shit about anything.

exactly.. i used to be a such a massive giver. i looked after my parents and grand parents. my friends use to come to me for everything.. and now im back to not even bathing again..
Sorry the power in the neighborhood went out so im on my fucked up phone now but its useless doing anything with this
I'll catch you later.. ffsjust when i had some guts to spill a bit. Loveu and tnx for writing me xx

 

[K-O]

good morning kind souls! thank you so much for your replies and support x
yesterday night there was a blackout for hours at my hood and it was so very quiet.. you couldn't even hear the fridge breathing or the pc coughing..
so i ran to bed snuggled up with my cat and had a massive cry.. im back to the basic need for mothers love, the desperation of needing it is always there but this year its flaring up big time.. i just wanted to be held stroked and feel like someone is taking care of me and i can rest.. then i remembered that my niece (that i unfortunately also cut contact with this year cause i couldn't bear being close to loved ones) loves #savewithstories its on Instagram, you got some celebs reading bed time stories, so i watched it in bed! Helen Mirren Kate Winslet and Jeff Bridges all read me bedtime stories calmed me down and injected me with some love and kindness. if you love storytelling get on it kids! its fantastic! im going to be brave and call my neice so i could have a video play date with her soon! i will overcome this terrible anxiety that freezes me up and i will resume my roll as the Epic Auntie once again! so many thing on my Recovery To Do List.. all the basic things i stopped doing since i lost my love and became suicidal.. im going to keep on fighting! love will prevail! it must!
sometimes all you need is a good story teller to remind you what life's all about (@Underscore)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

good morning kind souls! thank you so much for your replies and support x
yesterday night there was a blackout for hours at my hood and it was so very quiet.. you couldn't even hear the fridge breathing or the pc coughing..
so i ran to bed snuggled up with my cat and had a massive cry.. im back to the basic need for mothers love, the desperation of needing it is always there but this year its flaring up big time.. i just wanted to be held stroked and feel like someone is taking care of me and i can rest.. then i remembered that my niece (that i unfortunately also cut contact with this year cause i couldn't bear being close to loved ones) loves #savewithstories its on Instagram, you got some celebs reading bed time stories, so i watched it in bed! Helen Mirren Kate Winslet and Jeff Bridges all read me bedtime stories calmed me down and injected me with some love and kindness. if you love storytelling get on it kids! its fantastic! im going to be brave and call my neice so i could have a video play date with her soon! i will overcome this terrible anxiety that freezes me up and i will resume my roll as the Epic Auntie once again! so many thing on my Recovery To Do List.. all the basic things i stopped doing since i lost my love and became suicidal.. im going to keep on fighting! love will prevail! it must!
sometimes all you need is a good story teller to remind you what life's all about (@Underscore)

Bless you dear. Showing such courage when you feel so vulnerable has my admiration. I believe you are stronger than you may sometimes realise. And it's that kind of quiet fortitude that offers the best foundation on which to stand and recover. Epic Auntie! Rawr!

 

[K-O]

Morning fellow lost souls x (evening)..
slept 15 hours.. mentally and emotionally exhausted..
just got a rejection letter from the National Insurance Institute.. they denied me financial support..
i just cant fake it or act extra when it comes to my personal intimate issues.. i immediately freeze and choke up.. the social worker in rehab told me i will have to 'act' crazy and take everything to the edge in order to 'convince' them i need support.. i ended up going there without her and i just couldnt 'act out' my situation.. my disability is mostly transparent.. how can someone judge a person in a 10 minute interview?.. how can a life be summed up like that? and your future be determined?.. just another reminder why i dont socialize (or go out at all).. people are very narrow minded and when they have power over you its dangerous..
im clean(ish) now so i didnt have my go to help in order to deal with that kind of situation.. maybe if i had self medicated before that interview i could have talked to them and say the reasons i need real help..
i couldnt talk about being abused etc that led to my borderline pd and complex ptsd and addiction.. couldnt talk about the loss and being suicidal.. couldnt be vulnerable and a victim.. couldnt do it.. i fucked it up, again.. i usually never ask for help but the psychiatrist and social worker pushed me to do this and they were sure i would get support.. alas..
never a break.. ffs.
x

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Morning fellow lost souls x (evening)..
slept 15 hours.. mentally and emotionally exhausted..
just got a rejection letter from the National Insurance Institute.. they denied me financial support..
i just cant fake it or act extra when it comes to my personal intimate issues.. i immediately freeze and choke up.. the social worker in rehab told me i will have to 'act' crazy and take everything to the edge in order to 'convince' them i need support.. i ended up going there without her and i just couldnt 'act out' my situation.. my disability is mostly transparent.. how can someone judge a person in a 10 minute interview?.. how can a life be summed up like that? and your future be determined?.. just another reminder why i dont socialize (or go out at all).. people are very narrow minded and when they have power over you its dangerous..
im clean(ish) now so i didnt have my go to help in order to deal with that kind of situation.. maybe if i had self medicated before that interview i could have talked to them and say the reasons i need real help..
i couldnt talk about being abused etc that led to my borderline pd and complex ptsd and addiction.. couldnt talk about the loss and being suicidal.. couldnt be vulnerable and a victim.. couldnt do it.. i fucked it up, again.. i usually never ask for help but the psychiatrist and social worker pushed me to do this and they were sure i would get support.. alas..
never a break.. ffs.
x

Can you appeal it and get the psych and social worker to vouch for you?

 

[K-O]

Can you appeal it and get the psych and social worker to vouch for you?

well, the board had all the papers needed, from 3 psychiatrists, social worker, doctor and my discharge papers from hospital after my first ctb attempt after he died and i od'd..
they stated i had extreme depression anxiety agoraphobia bpd cptsd addictions suicidal tendencies.. the worx.. wtf more do they need ?..
i could appeal yeah but then i will have to get in a fight mode and i dont think im strong enough for that, ill have to lawyer up etc.. i meen all this is so private.. its my insides you know?.. even here its so hard for me to express my self.. i was raised to act normal and hide 'mental illness' and other 'weaknesses'.. that was the main thing my father taught me cause my mum is a closeted paraoid schizophrenic and they did everything to hide it.. and this year has deflated me.. i have no strength any more..

 

[SanJunipero1]

Your post really spoke to me, I'm also here following the death of my fiancé and also no longer have the comfort that suicide used to provide after a failed attempt. You can also put me down for getting buttfuck no help whatsoever from the NHS and not qualifying for any financial assistance.
I've been finding great comfort in a young widow support group online. There are quite a few of us who wish we were dead and could join our person.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I was hoping if you went back to the psych and explained how you probably presented too positively because you were acting tough, that maybe they could intervene if they saw how it has affected you.

 

[K-O]

I was hoping if you went back to the psych and explained how you probably presented too positively because you were acting tough, that maybe they could intervene if they saw how it has affected you.

maybe youre right, i will contact him then.. see what he has to offer.. thank you my dear friend x

Your post really spoke to me, I'm also here following the death of my fiancé and also no longer have the comfort that suicide used to provide after a failed attempt. You can also put me down for getting buttfuck no help whatsoever from the NHS and not qualifying for any financial assistance.
I've been finding great comfort in a young widow support group online. There are quite a few of us who wish we were dead and could join our person.

im so glad you wrote me. i just want to hug you widow to widow. when i joined ss i was desperate to find someone i could relate to..
(this support group sounds interesting!)
all i wanted was as you say to join my love, now ive been trying to recover and its even harder, now that i dont have death as a comfort like you said..
there was a momentum that passed.. i was very close to joining him (maybe if i wasnt found that day i would have) i was in such pain and bliss at the same time.. my insides and the outside merged and i was ready to exit with love and peace.. it was a day after i woke up and he was dead beside me..
moving from that mentality has fucked me up even more.. its so isolating and nothing stays the same does it?.. you have to rebirth yourself when youre most weak.. you have to become a super human when youre a shell..

 

[Deleted member 1465]

FWIW I think you have to be honest at these interviews. And that means falling to bits if you actually feel like it, not putting on a brave face. I know that's contrary to how you present, but it IS more honest if that's really how you feel. Maybe if you explain all this to the psych...well, it's worth a shot, nothing to lose.

 

[K-O]

FWIW I think you have to be honest at these interviews. And that means falling to bits if you actually feel like it, not putting on a brave face. I know that's contrary to how you present, but it IS more honest if that's really how you feel. Maybe if you explain all this to the psych...well, it's worth a shot, nothing to lose.

youre so right mate! i dont know how to be the real me with others.. my emotional armour is mf thick..

 

[SanJunipero1]

maybe youre right, i will contact him then.. see what he has to offer.. thank you my dear friend x

im so glad you wrote me. i just want to hug you widow to widow. when i joined ss i was desperate to find someone i could relate to..
(this support group sounds interesting!)
all i wanted was as you say to join my love, now ive been trying to recover and its even harder, now that i dont have death as a comfort like you said..
there was a momentum that passed.. i was very close to joining him (maybe if i wasnt found that day i would have) i was in such pain and bliss at the same time.. my insides and the outside merged and i was ready to exit with love and peace.. it was a day after i woke up and he was dead beside me..
moving from that mentality has fucked me up even more.. its so isolating and nothing stays the same does it?.. you have to rebirth yourself when youre most weak.. you have to become a super human when youre a shell..

Same massive wid hugs to you. You should check out the Young Hot Widow Club (don't be dettered by the dumb name), it has truly been a lifeline for me.
I'm so there with you with things being harder in recovery, no comfort of imminent reunion, the hell of being forced to slog through existence without him. You're not alone. I hard relate

 

[K-O]

Same massive wid hugs to you. You should check out the Young Hot Widow Club (don't be dettered by the dumb name), it has truly been a lifeline for me.
I'm so there with you with things being harder in recovery, no comfort of imminent reunion, the hell of being forced to slog through existence without him. You're not alone. I hard relate

on it! thank you very much! and ill probably be popping in to see hows you soon mate night night.

 

[Brackenshire]

Just breathe sweetie and know you can make it...a lot of hugs..love and hands are holding you up.

 

[Viro_Major]

youre so right mate! i dont know how to be the real me with others.. my emotional armour is mf thick..

from here, I see progress. a lot of progress. you are breaking open more than before. you're building a parallel path to your fragility under control. at some point, both trajectories could unite and blend

very hard hit about being turned down for support means when all you need are encouragements to pursue efforts.
I'd push for Underscore to be a worker at the Commission there and then you can have a safe & understanding appointment

The past weeks, I was also considering to request financial aids for disability, as a long term safety net if I were to go downhill again. But judging how better I'm going, it would be tricky to convince a jury now :( as a poor comedian, I surely would look like an imposter so I'm not sure anymore I will even try. That sucks that they cannot understand a big picture with ease but you've got to adopt a defensive attitude or even beg to say the least

 

[Garbage Person]

@K-O I wish I had more at the moment, but I'm glad you're here. It's always nice to see your posts or anyone that's trying to recover and still has some spark. I'm really rooting for you! You're cool as fuck.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Underscore to be a worker at the Commission

LOL never give me a position of responsibility. It's happened in the past and I always break the rules to do people favours.

 

[Viro_Major]

That's what we're talking about : infiltration to fight the enemy from the inside !

Once Che Guevara visited Geneva and after seeing the banks everywhere, he stated: "so the heart of the evil is here. if you're born here, you shouldn't join me for rebellion in south Am but sneakily penetrate your institutions to shortcircuit them"
Well, not exactly, but something along these lines ;) my memory fails me.
Take your seat ? lol

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That's what we're talking about : infiltration to fight the enemy from the inside !

Once Che Guevara visited Geneva and after seeing the banks everywhere, he stated: "so the heart of the evil is here. if you're born here, you shouldn't join me for rebellion in south Am but sneakily penetrate your institutions to shortcircuit them"
Well, not exactly, but something along these lines ;) my memory fails me.
Take your seat ? lol

Infiltration has ever been my tactic. You can achieve far more working from within than by a frontal attack.

 

[sufferingalways]

Hiya mates x
Last November I became actively suicidal. After I lost my love to an overdose. I had failed suicide attempts before discovering this site.. and then when I did this place became very important to me.
I seem like an extrovert person but im extremely introvert. I cant seem to share my insides. every time there's something that holds me back.. doesn't matter if its on line or irl , anonymous or not.. I don't trust anyone and im extremely tired and lonely.
Ive just been to rehab for 3 months and there was a gong hanging out side, people used it every time they needed to share a feeling and sometimes they'd use it more that once a day. But I never did.. I need to practice opening up and to fight this shut up urge that sucks me back and keeps all the pain inside.. something I had to do ever since I was a child. Cause if I would express myself I would get terrorized and bullied by my mother. So I used to be an artist and express myself by creating and exposing images instead of talking.. I deserted that as well.. part of my masochistic side..
I experience very extreme mental and emotional zigzagging. there's so much I need to get out and its overwhelming.
Im a stranger to asking for help, going to a rehabilitation institute was the first time I actually did that and put my faith in others. At the end they labeled me a problem and as the disease.. so I ran away.. I break everything..
Im hoping I could use the gong method here with you. Maybe give it a chance..
Recovery is so very hard. It's a low day today. Im still suicidal. not like before, it doesn't comfort me, the end, the choice. It used to calm me down and give me a little peace of mind but not any more.. I don't know where to begin.. im just lost. in regression.
I had to explain my self to a government doctor today in order to maybe receive some financial support for my disabilities.. didn't know what to say.. that im post trauma? Self destructive? Borderline.. Cant seem to do basic things and live like before? Being raped? Abused?.. non of that has any meaning. Nothing matters. Im struggling to find a reason. to feel a reason. Ive lost myself the moment I knew I was going to ctb. Everything changed.
Don't know what to do. There I said something. Im in pain. i dont know where to put it anymore.
love

Hello KO sorry to hear you're in such turmoil. I know the not trusting people feeling all too well. I was punished for stupid thigns by what I now know was narcissistic abuse by parents who got sick kicks out of what you describe.

What I would suggest that might help you get from the no trust to some trust is start with you. Get a pen and notebook, write down anything that hurts Right Now. All of it on the page.
Then if you can, write your reaction to each hurt thing - beside it or below it on the page.

The truth can only start from you. Something you are scared of within you, only you can find out what it is. Other people can give hugs and their opinions (not discounting them) but first this might be something you can begin. Hope this doesn't sound harsh?
My therapy taught me to be a practitioner .. to myself. If can pass along some of what I learnt.. I will be happy.

Hugs xx

 

[K-O]

Just breathe sweetie and know you can make it...

sometimes i can actually breath more and know i can make it. something that didnt happen until recently.. it was literally hard to breath this year.
thank you for your support love it means a lot to me x

from here, I see progress. a lot of progress. you are breaking open more than before. you're building a parallel path to your fragility under control. at some point, both trajectories could unite and blend

Amen to that brother! coming from you and the fact that we started our friendship at such a dire time i trust your input and greet it with love and hope x look at us two wankerz in recovery ey? cheerz!

It's always nice to see your posts or anyone that's trying to recover and still has some spark. I'm really rooting for you!

thank you GP x i feel the same about you btw and i relate to your posts even if i dont respond so thanks for sharing! were walking the brave recovery path! (and its pretty pretty pretty... pretty hard )

The truth can only start from you. Something you are scared of within you, only you can find out what it is. Other people can give hugs and their opinions (not discounting them) but first this might be something you can begin. Hope this doesn't sound harsh?

not harsh! just true! youre absolutely right! thanks for the advice and yes i will! there will always be a part of me that is pure rage and hurt for being abused and another one that is utterly disgusted by the fact that it has ended up almost totally defining me and i let my self be lifes punching bag to the point of almost killing my self instead of punching tf back! work in progress once again, just this time is the hardest..
x
Called my old therapist today and starting personal training next week. also my dad came over with pizza and i told him a bit about my time in rehab without totally chocking up.. baby steps.. love y'all

 

[sufferingalways]

sometimes i can actually breath more and know i can make it. something that didnt happen until recently.. it was literally hard to breath this year.
thank you for your support love it means a lot to me x

Amen to that brother! coming from you and the fact that we started our friendship at such a dire time i trust your input and greet it with love and hope x look at us two wankerz in recovery ey? cheerz!

thank you GP x i feel the same about you btw and i relate to your posts even if i dont respond so thanks for sharing! were walking the brave recovery path! (and its pretty pretty pretty... pretty hard )

not harsh! just true! youre absolutely right! thanks for the advice and yes i will! there will always be a part of me that is pure rage and hurt for being abused and another one that is utterly disgusted by the fact that it has ended up almost totally defining me and i let my self be lifes punching bag to the point of almost killing my self instead of punching tf back! work in progress once again, just this time is the hardest..
x
Called my old therapist today and starting personal training next week. also my dad came over with pizza and i told him a bit about my time in rehab without totally chocking up.. baby steps.. love y'all

You just gave me an idea for other guide to offer you .. write a rageful letter to that nasty mother and let it all out. Whatever nasty words come to mind ...use in the letter. When the letter is done you can decide whether to;

Burn it (some find cathartic )
Keep it in a diary .. and add other entries .. over time seeing how your emotions vary , as they certainly will.

The goal here is Be Honest with You. After you find a comfortable place within you (and lets be honest thats not going to be fast) , then see how your Diary entries are.

There's many ups and downs on this path and I don't expect that you will progress much alone, therapy is a must. As others have discussed elsewhere the one you need may not be the first one you meet.

Maybe have a checklist of what you need (for him or her) or what you want to achieve? For example mine was - to not be afraid of people in public places, the noises and the crowds drive me crazy with panic attacks still, as my progress was halted and put back to square one (landlord abusing me/ us.. long story).

If you can put down even one thng you want to achieve that will give them a starting point. I never knew what mine was when I started in 2011 with Dr A. She found out with me over time, about 9 months to fully trust her, even the I still had days where I doubted her, as I did not trust anyone either.

Abuse does so many things to your mind and a good therapy Doctor will get that, and if you can let yourself be vulnerable and honest, if you are afraid tell them.

You will get their gentle help and you will gain the trust and insight a good therapy Doctor can give. If something feels too harsh tell them. "That was a harsh tone. Are you mad at me?" That's now i did it with Dr A when I felt safe.

At the deepest level she told me about Retraining the Amygdala (area that processes your trauma i think..) I was advised to skip watching the news for about 6 months. Knowing what things do to me mentally, I have never watched it since.
My thoughts are; I can't change the devastation.. and I can't cope with tragic things I can't change.
It was / is a long hard slog but ..one step at a time. I would get homework and be enthusiastic / excited about my results when I saw her the next week.
Schema Therapy was what she did with me, and by Fuck it was gold. When I get the sleep I need regular again I will go private therapy. Th NHS / CMHT fucked up so they're history.

I found a lady who specialises in trauma. Close enough for my friend to drive me. I hate the delay but I will dive in when I get there .. eventually.

Wishing you all the best! I'm rooting for you. Xx