sad that you have to leave.
from reading your posts I don't know much about your reasons, but they may be the same as me. for me it's been 9 months now, I know that some day this has to end, I don't want this life, but it's too early for me, no matter how much pain I'll take until then...how long do you live with that now? is this no more fixable? guess you overthought this already. but I keep saying that to myself and somehow I still don't want to miss any chance of fixing my mess because I hope that I'm still capable of feeling love for a person no matter what happened. I don't even know if that's the only reason for you to ctb, so...BTW glad that you didn't choose DXM for this.
wish you freedom and peace for your mind and feelings