Help Going to Cbt tomorrow I believe .

[Pixiep]

I think i decided Id like to do it tomorrow. I was planning for next week, because this weekend I was supposed to go visit my parents and younger brother that I have not seen since christmas...but i dont think I can look them in the eyes knowing what Im going to do. Theyre throwing and end of summer party with some of my cousins tho.. Cant decide if I wanna go see my family for myself and say goodbye, or not expose them all to misery i dont think i can hide. Cbt is already a selfish act. Should i really bring more selfishness into it?

Wasnt able to get my hands on a gun, so i will be going with my backup method, drop hanging. Picked my location. Writing my letters tonight. Buying rope tomorrow morning.

Read the wiki and some other forums. But anyone have any tips on hanging i need to know from own experience or theyre own research?

Side note: my boyfriend and i got into a fight today. We were supposed to have a date night of sorts and now for unrelated reasons he doesnt feel like talking to me tonight. No, this small spat is not the reason I am pushing my date forward. But Im wondering.. Should i try to reconnect with my boyfriend tonight and try to make up with him so he doesnt lose me while we were fighting? Or should i leave it be? I dont want him to feel any guilt which i feel like he might if I cbt while we are in a fight. But Im writing him an extensive letter letting him know its not his fault in the slightest.. And on the other side of things, what if I try to reconnect and he rejects it for the night...and THAT brings about guilt? Which way would you want it if you were him?

Please , I need the best answers you can give to the highlighted questions. I know they are hard ones.

 

[Nymph]

I'd say try to make up with your bf, if it doesn't go well then just write a letter. It would be as if you didn't try to make up with him in the first place but at least you tried

 

[BPD Barbie]

From his side I imagine he'd have regret over not talking to you after arguing but from your side it's better to keep him at arms length so as to lessen the blow a little. It's a hard one, really hard actually.
As for family, it might be nice to see them one last time but it also might make the act of ctb much harder. I always kept distance with my family just because I thought it would be easier on them. Very hard decisions to make unfortunately. Sorry I haven't got very good answers for you.

 

[Pixiep]

From his side I imagine he'd have regret over not talking to you after arguing but from your side it's better to keep him at arms length so as to lessen the blow a little. It's a hard one, really hard actually.
As for family, it might be nice to see them one last time but it also might make the act of ctb much harder. I always kept distance with my family just because I thought it would be easier on them. Very hard decisions to make unfortunately. Sorry I haven't got very good answers for you.

Jeez way to let me see how both sides could ruin everything i appreciate your effort tho ik they are hard, almost impossible. Thank you

 

[rt1989526]

Wishing you peace and luck in whatever you decide.

 

[Huntfish34]

Well damn,. I'm sorry to hear you have all of this going on. Sorry I don't think I will be much help at all but here are my .02. I believe you can Follow your heart and soul and make those Hard choices when the time comes..

I myself Would Like to go see my family and try to be at peace with everything,. But don't think I could look them in the eyes either.

Depends on what / how bad your " spat " was .. ( If it was bad enough I'd just leave him alone ). But if it was over something really stupid and small ? ... Go ahead and try to reconnect or just say goodbye and leave it simple . You already have So much on your heart and mind,. I wish you Nothing but the best. Prayers, Peace , and Love...

 

[RedDEE]

I'm going to tell you how I honestly feel. This is just my personal opinion

After you're gone, you'll be in eternal rest. It won't matter what anyone thinks or feels about your suicide. You'll no longer be.

You'll be in eternal peace. It doesn't matter if you reconnect with your boyfriend or not. After you're gone, you won't care. People say it matters, because life keeps on going after you die, and even though you'll be dead, your actions will still effect those who are still living. I say, after you're gone, it doesn't matter - because life for you ends, and for you there are no people "still living" - life has ended.

All that happens in life is insignificant and trivial. Doesn't really matter what the fuck you do. Keep on living, kill yourself, accidentally get run over by a horse, or do the macorina while wearing a tu-tu. In the end - it doesn't really make a fuck what you do. Just do whatever the fuck you wanna do. Fuck it.

 

[Checkmate3]

I'm going to tell you how I honestly feel. This is just my personal opinion

After you're gone, you'll be in eternal rest. It won't matter what anyone thinks or feels about your suicide. You'll no longer be.

You'll be in eternal peace. It doesn't matter if you reconnect with your boyfriend or not. After you're gone, you won't care. People say it matters, because life keeps on going after you die, and even though you'll be dead, your actions will still effect those who are still living. I say, after you're gone, it doesn't matter - because life for you ends, and for you there are no people "still living" - life has ended.

All that happens in life is insignificant and trivial. Doesn't really matter what the fuck you do. Keep on living, kill yourself, accidentally get run over by a horse, or do the macorina while wearing a tu-tu. In the end - it doesn't really make a fuck what you do. Just do whatever the fuck you wanna do. Fuck it.

Yep. When you die, your whole world dies with you. Nothing will be left, so nothing will matter, and that's good.

 

[MisterPeeWee]

I'm sad that you are leaving if that is the decision you want to make. Hope for what you desire to come true

 

[BPD Barbie]

Jeez way to let me see how both sides could ruin everything i appreciate your effort tho ik they are hard, almost impossible. Thank you

Sorry love, didn't mean to make it harder for you :(

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i think you should try to make up with your boyfriend, just so he knows your letter to him is genuine. additionally, you should at least talk to your family one last time, so their last memory of you while you're alive isn't something sad. i'm wishing you peace in whatever you decide.

 

[muffin222]

I'm sorry it's come to this, but if you're sure of your decision, I wish you nothing but peace

 

[Ghost2211]

I think you should try to make up. He may dwell on that being the last memory or even reason for your CTB.

i hope you find the peace you're seeking.

 

[Pixiep]

Sorry love, didn't mean to make it harder for you :(

No its okay i appreciate all replies thank you!
I think he is going to come over tonight guys... As far as everything else I am undecided. But i do think i needed to make up w him so hopefully that is what happens.
Thank you guys for all the kind words youve given to me.

 

[Huntfish34]

Amen 2 that. Prayers sent to you during this Trying time. Best wishes. -

 

[foxdie]

It wouldn't be selfish to go see your family one last time. They'll be sad either way, this would just be one more memory for them to hold on to. You might enjoy it too. Also can't hurt to try to make up with your BF. Ctb is the ultimate choice, might as well use your time while you're here. But it's your choice in the end, not that it's an easy one.

 

[Pixiep]

Well guys. Boyfriend isnt coming after all. He made some bs excuse as to why. But he said he most likely wont make it. So i guess thats that on that question. It hurts... I didnt realize just how much I wanted to see him one last time.

As far as my family... I still cant decide yet... But i feel like when i wake up in the morning, if i ever get to bed that is, ill know if its the day or not?

My mother just texted me randomly 5 minutes ago to...saying she hasnt heard from me about this weekend..or at all really yet and to give her a call please bc shes worried :/ i feel like if i go there this weekend she will see right thru any false smile i put on

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I would try to reconcile you with your friend. In any case, it will be very difficult for him if you do ctb. But if you can make up, then he probably won't blame himself for it. In his place, I wish I wouldn't be in a fight when you were doing ctb.

CTB is not a selfish act. It's desperation, hopelessness, or just a rational choice. But no egoism.

To your first question regarding tips for hanging out tonight, I can only answer that you should take more time to prepare. At least as far as the loop or the knot is concerned.

In the wiki you will find all the important information you need.

I am sure you will find the right answers for yourself, even if it means that you postpone your ctb until later. You still have a lot of time for it.