FERAL_FRENZY
Legionnaire <3
- Apr 18, 2024
- 76
I have over 100 cuts on both arms and a few littered on my upper thighs. I started SH as a way to deal with persistent feelings of emptiness and sadness. AKA the lowest of my days. Days where the emotional strain was unbearable. But as time passed, it changed from being a coping mechanism to the only thing keeping me from acting on my violent impulses to hurt others or damage personal property in fits of rage. I swore SH off for some time since I started to hate how the cuts looked when they healed, but today I find myself right back at square one, digging the blade into my skin once more. I started crying halfway through, but I couldn't tell if it was out of mental exhaustion or regret for having further damaged my already scarred arm.
I feel like I have to cut because if I don't, I'll probably end up being admitted to a psych ward without a second thought. My so-called "family" is never there to help me in times of need. I shoulder everything on my own. I don't want it to be this way forever, and it probably won't. This is only a temporary solution. Hopefully ctb will bring me the peace I've been seeking out for almost a decade. Honestly, I don't know how much more I've got left in me to keep going. Maybe the lack of sleep's been catching up to me too, but I cant help but feel like this is some sort of karma in a way. Maybe another way for the universe to punish me for all my wrongdoings. I'm working as hard as I can to end it all, but progress is scarce.
I feel like I have to cut because if I don't, I'll probably end up being admitted to a psych ward without a second thought. My so-called "family" is never there to help me in times of need. I shoulder everything on my own. I don't want it to be this way forever, and it probably won't. This is only a temporary solution. Hopefully ctb will bring me the peace I've been seeking out for almost a decade. Honestly, I don't know how much more I've got left in me to keep going. Maybe the lack of sleep's been catching up to me too, but I cant help but feel like this is some sort of karma in a way. Maybe another way for the universe to punish me for all my wrongdoings. I'm working as hard as I can to end it all, but progress is scarce.
