Giving up

[NeverGoodEnuff]

The past week or two have been in the extremes -- way high or way low. It's making me crazy.

Am thinking of giving up for all of the wrong reasons. I KNOW they are the wrong reasons but I WANT them to be the right reasons.

I know I need to just accept that nothing is going to change, that I may eventually find that middle ground, please god-in-whom-I-do-not-believe.

I am supposed to be practicing dry firing exercises with my guns but no, not right now. They are put away and will stay there till I can even out these mood swings.

I would rather feel nothing, would give up the highs if the lows would stop. I don't need to be "happy", I just need to not be miserable. Is that asking too much?

 

[Ghost2211]

I very much understand this feeling. I generally seek a level of less suffering or at least feeling OK rather than happiness. Realistic goals I suppose. Good to hear you're not acting out of impulse. I hope you come to a place where you decide what you want to do. Many hugs and love to you

 

[Deleted member 1465]

No, it's not asking too much
I do agree though that it's best to put the guns away if you are worried about acting on undue impulse.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

No, no impulse

 

[timf]

The selection of the name NeverGoodEnough may indicate a cumulative effect of developmental exposure to measurement standards that were ill-suited. If you carry with you a reflex to "beat yourself up" over things that really aren't your fault, your lows may be lower than they need to be. A good therapist might be able to help you minimize the influence of such reflexive thinking.

I don't know if you are on medication (sometimes it can make things worse). However I know some people have found SAMe supplements to be helpful. It is prescribed in Europe for depression, but is available in the US over the counter. Some have found this helpful to reduce the low of the lows.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

Not on any meds, have not told anyone about any of this. I worked in health care and I know how that goes, once that label is written in your chart. Not going there!

Edit: I don't think this is a diagnosable mental illness. It is situational.
What are SAMes?