NothingElseMatters

NothingElseMatters

Warlock
Mar 30, 2020
745
But we must do, It's so unfair life lead us to this way.
 
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_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
1,111
agreed...:sick:
 
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K

KiraLittleOwl

Lost in transition
Jan 25, 2019
1,083
This is the most hard part for me I almost achieve happiness but one bad mistake brought me down to the pits of despair I never imagined were possible.
It's incredibly frustrating
 
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Notwinnernotawin

Notwinnernotawin

Specialist
Apr 4, 2020
341
Yes it is. To think that if others hadn't ruined it for me I'd be a normal adult doing whatever I want to do really saddens me.
 
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StillWaiting

StillWaiting

Need cats to comfort me
Jul 28, 2018
550
Not sure if it is because of the things that I have been through but i just no longer see life worth suffering for.
But maybe if I wasn't myself, someone who is successful or enjoying their lives. If life is different from the one I am living, I would think giving up on life is sad
 
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waterbottleman

waterbottleman

Not a person
Sep 30, 2019
721
What I find frustrating with depression is the concept of a "bottom." "When you're at the bottom all you can go is up!" Is what I hear a lot of people say.

But I don't feel like there is a bottom. What I've personally been experiencing the past few months is bizarre. It starts with me being really sad, followed by thinking about killing myself, followed by giving up on life and accepting that I'll suicide. However this acceptance of ending my life then actually improves my mood. For some reason truly embracing and accepting my fate actually makes me feel better. I feel better for a while till I start feeling sad again and then the cycle repeats itself.

What I've noticed with my cycles though is that every time I get into the sad phase it's worse than the previous. So I'm banking on me eventually hitting a low that is so low I just decide to end it all and actually do it. How long this is going to take though I'm not sure of.

Ive actually been feeling fairly decent this week relative to how I felt earlier. Idk why. I did some crying on the weekend though which was new for me (haven't cried since I was a teenager), so maybe the crying helped elevate my mood. I think crying releases emotional pain and pressure so I'm amazed I actually managed to cry over the weekend since I hadn't done it in so long.
 
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NothingElseMatters

NothingElseMatters

Warlock
Mar 30, 2020
745
What I find frustrating with depression is the concept of a "bottom." "When you're at the bottom all you can go is up!" Is what I hear a lot of people say.

But I don't feel like there is a bottom. What I've personally been experiencing the past few months is bizarre. It starts with me being really sad, followed by thinking about killing myself, followed by giving up on life and accepting that I'll suicide. However this acceptance of ending my life then actually improves my mood. For some reason truly embracing and accepting my fate actually makes me feel better. I feel better for a while till I start feeling sad again and then the cycle repeats itself.

What I've noticed with my cycles though is that every time I get into the sad phase it's worse than the previous. So I'm banking on me eventually hitting a low that is so low I just decide to end it all and actually do it. How long this is going to take though I'm not sure of.

Ive actually been feeling fairly decent this week relative to how I felt earlier. Idk why. I did some crying on the weekend though which was new for me (haven't cried since I was a teenager), so maybe the crying helped elevate my mood. I think crying releases emotional pain and pressure so I'm amazed I actually managed to cry over the weekend since I hadn't done it in so long.
Unfortunately, I'm not able to cry because of the medications I've been taken. It's funny that I've stop take them for just 2 days and the next day I cried like a baby. Those medications are faking the way I really feel. Now I just wanna cry and can't do this anymore.
 
O

oopswronglife

Elementalist
Jun 27, 2019
870
I didn't want to...I struggled with less and less for so long and one night just snapped. I failed and am not much worse off and feel so hopeless and desperate. "They didn't save my life they ruined my death". I have all the same root problems that nobody will address and more problems from the attempt. Need to get another method. Don't have confidence in that. So afraid after failing once.
 
S

stanto

Member
Apr 5, 2020
10
This is the most hard part for me I almost achieve happiness but one bad mistake brought me down to the pits of despair I never imagined were possible.
It's incredibly frustrating
Same.. 1 mistake- life became a hell...
 
W

Worthless_nobody

Enlightened
Feb 14, 2019
1,384
It really is. I have been resistant to giving up until life showed me yet again a glimpse of happiness only to have it cruely ripped from me in a matter of minutes...I can't take anymore... I was obviously born obsolete.
 
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