Giving up life fantasies

[dandan]

I could have been a millionaire and stopped working years ago. But I lost/sold thousands of crypto's worth millions today. I was gonna kill myself so I didn't needed them anymore.

Now, today, with TRT I'm alright, I've been working without heavy or medium/small desires of catching the bus, except lately when money comes into my mind.

I realize I will not be a millionaire in an instant, I realize that I don't have today a million dollar idea,or business.

I understand I am not a business man, I work as a software quality engineer.

For all my 3 years in recovery I dreamed of building a millionaire business. Today, yesterday, I realized that will not happen today. I have to even built anything or created any business at all.

I was gonna quit and been thinking on ending life in such desperation. I stopped smoking weed 5 nights ago. I have a clearer mind, and I'm thinking on living inside my means and getting better at my job since I don't have any other idea or path. I could quit my job to pursue a dream, but I don't have a dream, only a fantasy of building something, if I knew what, then it would be a dream... But I can't think of anything.


I wish the power to gracefully accept my current situation, please, allow me to accept it so that I can be happy, or at least at ease.

I really feel all my current issues are the desire to be in the situation of those close to me who have achieved a better larger income. However none of them went through my depression experience, so it could have been easier for them.

I am starting today to focus on my job skills, probably get a job in a year in USA or now Russian currency, to convert into Mexican Pesos and earn more, but instead of money I should focus in being better.


Even so I do want a side hustle, but don't have a clue yet.

 

[catflowers]

im dead
just make more money

 

[theboy]

Money is important. It's just a value but it's up to you to assign a positive or negative value to it. I hope you get better

 

[eve1211]

Good for you! Let yourself fantasize and you'll stumble upon a dream that you can mold and create into a reality. I really hope you get everything you want and more!

 

[Celerity]

I don't know what to do with my life either and am just stumbling blindly from moment to moment. As I have gotten older, I actually think most people are this way. That said, I hope you can find something worth the effort.

 

[dandan]

I don't know what to do with my life either and am just stumbling blindly from moment to moment. As I have gotten older, I actually think most people are this way. That said, I hope you can find something worth the effort.

I've grown 40 years old now, fucked up big time in the past , and today without drugs, although in growing shrooms, I stopped smoking weed.

Me too, not to certain about what I want to do, but improve myself for the moment on how I treat myself and others.
I am:
-improving job skills
-Reading a psychology book
-udemy course on mastering emotions and communications, which I love. By Keith* Ramsay

Learning to live and accepting mistakes is a daily training and experience, which I'm not perfect in, but I will continue practicing


But man, if I only could find something I really could and love to do, it would be great!

 

[whatevs]

im dead
just make more money

Tis right here
Facts

What's the job of a software quality engineer? What do you specifically do?

 

[dandan]

Tis right here
Facts

What's the job of a software quality engineer? What do you specifically do?

Yes!
Could you share a side business idea or something?

 

[Teddybear]

I'd love to be rich to live w/o fear of poverty or Angst in old age.

But I dread the thought of being rich & lonely. I'd rather have a loving partner by my side than a million bucks.

As things go I have neither now and never will.

Tis right here
Facts

What's the job of a software quality engineer? What do you specifically do?

You basically look out for flaws in the coding of the software your company develops. And you try to establish strategies to ensure few flaws are produced to begin with.

Its much the same as a Quality Engineer on any manufacturing belt.

 

[dandan]

I was blinded by the money issue

Yes!! Teddybear's right , I'm looking at the moment at some flaws the developers made on this growing web application for a Health insurance company.

Errors might rely either, visually in the look&feel, colors, elements in the website, or in the business processes, maybe also in the database or data inserting or retrieval, also on misunderstandings or unclear business requirements or any error I can see.

 

[Teddybear]

I was blinded by the money issue

Yes!! Teddybear's right , I'm looking at the moment at some flaws the developers made on this growing web application for a Health insurance company.

Errors might rely either, visually in the look&feel, colors, elements in the website, or in the business processes, maybe also in the database or data inserting or retrieval, also on misunderstandings or unclear business requirements or any error I can see.

I work as a system administrator with Enterprise Entity Software - the really big stuff.

And I am often upset how many big money software companies handle Quality Control as an afterthought.

First they push their product out to their customers, they let them find the flaws and then fix it in the update.

I wish you could sue software producers for lack of QC.

 

[dandan]

It's amazing how much money is being poured into updating legacy systems into new technology, and some of that technology I don't consider appropriate since it will be updated in just a couple years but I like the fact that there's work at the moment.

 

[Teddybear]

It's amazing how much money is being poured into updating legacy systems into new technology, and some of that technology I don't consider appropriate since it will be updated in just a couple years but I like the fact that there's work at the moment.

Oh yeah, that stubborn sword of Damokles: Employment in IT

They hire you almost as fast as they fire you, specially if you freelance.

Situation is doubly worse in Europe/Germany. Economy just months away from meltdown, yet local employers here demand an end to remote work. New Corona restrictions have already been announced for autumn. I got asthma and couldn't stand wearing a mask all day while in the office.

I fear being trapped in tight spaces but got no car. So the always overcrowded public transportation is the only option left. And if that wasn't bad enough, they keep cutting down on payments, with an inflation rate of almost 10%!

I used to think of it as my dream job - but now it just adds to my depression.

 

[whatevs]

I'm just a Junior dev in a small company whose real income doesn't come from what I touch. It would be nice to have someone checking out that stuff you listed so I don't have to, but they don't have the need.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

What do you do to accept reality? I am trying but I don't think I can accept poverty.

 

[dandan]

What do you do to accept reality? I am trying but I don't think I can accept poverty.

I can totally relate, what am I doing? Well, I have a job, but it's not paid enough to consider myself wealthy ... I mean I don't even own a house. Far away from owning one.

For many years I've been trying to think what could I do to earn s little bit more, so I've been thinking without any good result.

Been thinking but have not found.
I thought about stop thinking and becoming very good at my job, it requires lots of efforts.

What else can I say?
I consider making growing shrooms, trying to make tests in the kitchen making candy, or thinking about something online, I could build a webapplication if I had a good idea, and that I could build.

 

[IfyouareamanWinston]

I can totally relate, what am I doing? Well, I have a job, but it's not paid enough to consider myself wealthy ... I mean I don't even own a house. Far away from owning one.

For many years I've been trying to think what could I do to earn s little bit more, so I've been thinking without any good result.

Been thinking but have not found.
I thought about stop thinking and becoming very good at my job, it requires lots of efforts.

What else can I say?
I consider making growing shrooms, trying to make tests in the kitchen making candy, or thinking about something online, I could build a webapplication if I had a good idea, and that I could build.

I wish you luck!!

 

[hamvil]

I'd love to be rich to live w/o fear of poverty or Angst in old age.

But I dread the thought of being rich & lonely. I'd rather have a loving partner by my side than a million bucks.

As things go I have neither now and never will.

You basically look out for flaws in the coding of the software your company develops. And you try to establish strategies to ensure few flaws are produced to begin with.

Its much the same as a Quality Engineer on any manufacturing belt.

I think that it is enough to live w/o fear of poverty and being able to satisfy the basic needs and maybe a few extra. I do not want to be rich, that is not attractive. Be careful about the partner, having somebody that loves you does not me that you will love her/him back. It can turn quite sad very quickly when you are with a person that loves you but you do not feel anything enymore for her.

 

[Teddybear]

…
It can turn quite sad very quickly when you are with a person that loves you but you do not feel anything enymore for her.

Oh, the pain of falling out of love - almost as bad as falling into it.

 

[hamvil]

Oh, the pain of falling out of love - almost as bad as falling into it.

Actually I did not feel any pain falling out of love with my wife, just numbness. Most of my pain is for not being loved by another woman that left men.

 

[catflowers]

Actually I did not feel any pain falling out of love with my wife, just numbness. Most of my pain is for not being loved by another woman that left men.

done with women dude im sick of it all make it end

 

[Teddybear]

What do you do to accept reality? I am trying but I don't think I can accept poverty.

Only well to do philosophers and unwordly saints can "accept poverty". The rest of us will always try to spend the night sleeping in a bed, rather than on the street.

 

[Ixadavt]

I self medicate with THC.
It's the only thing takes my thoughts of wanting out from "Fuck this, I don't care the kids are in the next room, where's my gun?" to "Ok, do the things you've said you're going to do, and then you can ctb as you please."
Man, without it, I would spiral completely out of control. I would take a tornado to my life and lives around me. (Not that that is what I want; I know myself.)