Help Give me strength to do this.

[ThanksBigPharma]

I am dying of a neurological disease granted me by the goddamned COVID vaccine. I used to have a normal life I loved to live - now every moment is pure torture.

I have no intentions of letting this burn me all the way down to nothing and be in tremendous pain as I slowly become paralyzed and then die anyway, so I want to hang myself tonight while my partner is out of town. It sucks that she'll come back to this, but I am too weak and sick to go do it anywhere else and I have tons of warning notes along with my goodbye messages that I will be posting all around the house / outside the room I plan to CTB in. (I know it's still terrible, but this is a desperate situation.)

The problem is - like with just about everyone - I can't make myself do it. I have gotten close before, and got fuzzy, but survival instinct kicks in and I freak out and save myself. The last time was months ago, though, before I had medical confirmation that my nerves are indeed dying and there is no treatment available. This is confirmed to be killing me, so CTB will just be going on my own time and terms.

Anyway - I need some moral support. Anyone got any for me? What do you plan on telling yourself before you go?

Help!

 

[jodes2]

I thought about things as carefully as I could. I particularly dwelled over sticking points that stopped me in previous attempts, and wrote journals arguing every aspect I could think of. Then I whittled down the arguments until nothing, or something immovable remained. Then I had my answer, was I ready to CTB or not. What strikes me about your situation is two things. You still have someone you care about, which could hold you back. You need to be at totalnpeace with what you're going to do to them. Second, you still have time left. Do you wait? Might things possibly get better? Lastly, could you just wait to die naturally? Consider it carefully. Repeat the arguments in your mind until you think about it so thoroughly and quickly that you don't need to spend time thinking about it. You just know. Then you're ready. As ready as you can be. Otherwise you're not ready as you can be. If it still doesn't work out, either you're not ready, or the method isn't right for you.

 

[ThanksBigPharma]

I thought about things as carefully as I could. I particularly dwelled over sticking points that stopped me in previous attempts, and wrote journals arguing every aspect I could think of. Then I whittled down the arguments until nothing, or something immovable remained. Then I had my answer, was I ready to CTB or not. What strikes me about your situation is two things. You still have someone you care about, which could hold you back. You need to be at totalnpeace with what you're going to do to them. Second, you still have time left. Do you wait? Might things possibly get better? Lastly, could you just wait to die naturally? Consider it carefully. Repeat the arguments in your mind until you think about it so thoroughly and quickly that you don't need to spend time thinking about it. You just know. Then you're ready. As ready as you can be. Otherwise you're not ready as you can be. If it still doesn't work out, either you're not ready, or the method isn't right for you.

Good thoughts thank you… I'll be interested to hear what others think as well. I'm curious - what are your remaining sticking points, if you have any?

 

[Hypocrite_]

I am dying of a neurological disease granted me by the goddamned COVID vaccine. I used to have a normal life I loved to live - now every moment is pure torture.

I have no intentions of letting this burn me all the way down to nothing and be in tremendous pain as I slowly become paralyzed and then die anyway, so I want to hang myself tonight while my partner is out of town. It sucks that she'll come back to this, but I am too weak and sick to go do it anywhere else and I have tons of warning notes along with my goodbye messages that I will be posting all around the house / outside the room I plan to CTB in. (I know it's still terrible, but this is a desperate situation.)

The problem is - like with just about everyone - I can't make myself do it. I have gotten close before, and got fuzzy, but survival instinct kicks in and I freak out and save myself. The last time was months ago, though, before I had medical confirmation that my nerves are indeed dying and there is no treatment available. This is confirmed to be killing me, so CTB will just be going on my own time and terms.

Anyway - I need some moral support. Anyone got any for me? What do you plan on telling yourself before you go?

Help!

Can I try to understand what disease are you diagnosed with? I'm really sorry that your life had to come to this, I know because I am diagnosed with an incurable neurological disease myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrific what you have to endure and it disgusts me how this life can torture people in this way. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for, it certainly does make the hanging method sound so much easier than it actually is when you hear about all these people managing to succeed with it. I've never attempted personally as I would fear something going wrong if I tried to do so. Suicide really is so unnecessarily difficult.

 

[Lonerzepam]

I can really relate to this. Big pharma gave me neurological illness too. It's also the reason I wanna fucking kill myself. So we're in a similar situation. Those neurological illnesses are pure torture. No one deserves them. Fuck big pharma. My heart goes out to you bro. Hang in there...sending you hugs

 

[ThanksBigPharma]

Can I try to understand what disease are you diagnosed with? I'm really sorry that your life had to come to this, I know because I am diagnosed with an incurable neurological disease myself.

Thank you for your kindness. I am so sorry for your suffering as well.
Basically, the COVID vax triggered a muscle wasting neurological disease akin to turbo wildfire ALS in me and several others. I am now in terrible pain daily and losing function and independence by the day as all of my muscle dissolves away.

I can really relate to this. Big pharma gave me neurological illness too. It's also the reason I wanna fucking kill myself. So we're in a similar situation. Those neurological illnesses are pure torture. No one deserves them. Fuck big pharma. My heart goes out to you bro. Hang in there...sending you hugs

So sorry: what is the nature of your illness?