Getting the strength to try ctb again

[lostboi37]

I'm so very tired. I could go on about the traumas I've dealt with, but tbh I think my story isn't that interesting.
What does matter is I been in a state of depression and addiction for a while now. Literal years. As long as I can remember, with the exception of maybe 4 or 5 months when I was able to access a modified post secondary programme.
When I do talk to people about this, they think I'm making mountains out of molehills, acting like my full-out weeping due to crushing loneliness are a ploy to manipulate them, and that I should just try harder.
I am so tired of trying. I am tired of making the best of things. I am tired of not belonging. I've been getting the strength to try my hand at this again over the past week. I'll be sure to not do it anywhere close to public when I do act on it, that was my mistake the last times. As much as the people who brought me back the last two times meant well, I really don't know how to navigate these situations and I'm tired of trying to figure it out. I wasn't supposed to live this long, I never planned for it and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to keep doing these same rotations.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, I personally wouldn't see it as worth talking to those who won't even try to understand and are just invalidating. But anyway best wishes with your plans.

 

[Christo]

I think talking about depression with people who are not professionals in this field is a bad idea because they never understand what you are going through because they can't understand unless they have lived your life. The result is usually they either tell you to "suck it up, life is not easy" or "we love you, just keep going, the life will get better".
I think that will cause even more pain at the end because this will cause false "motivation" to keep going in circles.
The only helpful thing is to resolve the underlying psychological problems or the same problems keep coming back forever.

 

[lostboi37]

It's very much understandable feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, I personally wouldn't see it as worth talking to those who won't even try to understand and are just invalidating. But anyway best wishes with your plans.

The worst part is, I thought this was someone who would understand. I now realise like they are so out of touch with their basic human emotions, seeing someone cry makes them uncomfortable and they view it as manipulation and a ploy to get them to stick around. It's no matter tho, I been browsing around lookin at options to yeet myself outta this realm, and tbh I feel better knowing I'll be outta here and off of everyone's hands soon enough.