Getting shitty counseling while suicidal

[StrawberryRed]

I've recently decided that if I kms I want to jump off a bridge and have since picked a bridge about a 4 hour bus ride away. I've been feeling a little scared though so thought that maybe I should try counseling, even though ive never really been interested.

I booked it through my school and had to do a preliminary assessment over video. My counselor showed up 20 minutes late( no apology) and got very rude with me when I said my computer wouldnt turn the camera on.Beacuse of the camera issue ( not because he's late!), he tried to insist we reschedule. Everything i said he repeated back to me incredulously, like I was lying. Because my camera was off he also accused me of not paying attention multiple times. Finally, he kept saying my name wrong even after I had corrected him multiple times.

After the assessment I will be getting placed with a different counselor but honestly if these are the type of people my school hires I dont see the point in booking another appointment. I have no money to afford an outside therapist. Sometimes I feel like the world is constantly telling me to just stop fucking around and jump already. Trying to use mh services makes me want to give up faster. Can I skip to the part where they give me ketamine?

 

[Dejected 55]

Sadly, that's not the first bad experience I've heard... and I've experienced several myself. Always having to repeat things, even to different people who should be sharing information about me with each other. Being asked questions and expected to answer honestly then being chided and told that the answers I gave probably turn people off... and I had to explain I was answering the therapist's question honestly, not how I would converse with a random person I just met. What's the point of therapy if you can't be honest without reprisal?

Too many people working as therapists just as a way to make money and not caring. Sure, we all need money to live and a job is a job and all... but I feel like if your job is to take care of people and help them and listen and such, that caring about your job and about helping people is a prerequisite. I mean, it's one thing for Joe at McDonald's to not give a shit about you while serving your burger and fries... but if Dr Joe doesn't give a shit about you as a therapist, then you're not getting what you're paying for.