Discussion Getting ready for my CTB

[sneakyninjapantalon]

Hey there,

I've been lurking for a while and this is my first post.
I've been suicidal for over a decade, maybe more now, but after some recent life events I've made my mind, for myself and for others. I know it'll hurt them but people get used to it and suffering for myself and for them coz of who I am would be worse.

I've researched a lot and the options I considered at first was yew, co2, and SN.

1. For people wondering, yew isn't working. I went through the bitter taste of consuming (chewing) 250+ seeds and nothing happened to my body.
2. Co2 I just discarded it.
3. SN, this is my CTB method. I've got the most important ingredient and will follow the stat without antiemetic but with some ibuprofen. I've already let everyone know that I'll be traveling for a couple of days, so I'll manage to go to my fav place, with complete peacefulness and prepare accordingly. I think I've prepared most things as I don't wanna leave a mess behind, like writing a letter and some kind of a will. I'm thinking of preparing a video goodbye but not sure.

There are people that I really love in this life, I'll try to spend these last days with them as if nothing is happening, and then leave them behind.

Will be sticking around and update you these next days.

Cheers

 

[MideonNViscera]

Sounds like you have it handled. I'm curious about the video good-bye though. Wouldn't that be harder on people than a letter? I'm not saying I know either way, it's just something that jumped out at me.

 

[sneakyninjapantalon]

Sounds like you have it handled. I'm curious about the video good-bye though. Wouldn't that be harder on people than a letter? I'm not saying I know either way, it's just something that jumped out at me.

Maybe you're right, I guess it'll be a last day decision. It'll be hard on them for sure in the beginning either way, but maybe a last memory, knowing I'll be peaceful, I love them, and it'll be better for everyone would be soothing for them in the long run.

 

[MideonNViscera]

Yeah, maybe if it's a really positive and happy video it would be good.
For some reason I pictured you at your worst. If that's not the case, then I can definitely follow your reasoning.

 

[sneakyninjapantalon]

Hello there,

So I spent my days with my beloved ones, and now it's almost time. I've scheduled my "trip" for tomorrow.
I decided to record 2 videos, 1 for my girl and 1 for the family and I'll schedule the emails.
I won't take any anti-vomit med, only algofren just in case and will have 2 extra glasses of SN.

I'll probably send another or a couple of new messages as I get closer.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing to be free from all suffering are understandable, and at least to me it sounds like it must be a relief having your reliable method all planned out. I hope that you find what you wish for.

 

[sneakyninjapantalon]

Your feelings of wishing to be free from all suffering are understandable, and at least to me it sounds like it must be a relief having your reliable method all planned out. I hope that you find what you wish for.

Thank you. I've been self destructive and I can't let that harm my beloved ones. Wish things were different but it is what it is and hopefully everything will work as planned.

 

[Raven2]

I dont know you but Im happy for you that you got to spend time with your loved one in your last days and I guess saying goodbye in your own way without them actually knowing it's a last goodbye. I'm sorry to hear you have felt suicidal for such a long time. I have on and off felt this way over the years. You seem rational and calm about the situation, I wish you peace on your last day.

 

[sneakyninjapantalon]

I dont know you but Im happy for you that you got to spend time with your loved one in your last days and I guess saying goodbye in your own way without them actually knowing it's a last goodbye. I'm sorry to hear you have felt suicidal for such a long time. I have on and off felt this way over the years. You seem rational and calm about the situation, I wish you peace on your last day.

Thank you so much for your message. It's exactly as you described it, I said goodbye on my own terms, and although I know they will be hurt at first, it'll be good in the long run, even for them.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Glad you gave up on the yew. Also, you'd never be successful with CO2 as that's carbon DIOXIDE. I don't know if a video goodbye is all that bad. It could be nice for someone to have something where they can see you and hear you. Maybe they wouldn't like it at first, but later on after time passes, they may.

 

[sneakyninjapantalon]

Hey all. I'm still here as I decided to postpone my CTB till after New Years, more specifically for January 4. I consider it fairer to the ones that I love. Everything else remains the same.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Hey all. I'm still here as I decided to postpone my CTB till after New Years, more specifically for January 4. I consider it fairer to the ones that I love. Everything else remains the same.

I'm sorry to hear it's come to this. I hope to go soon in 2 weeks.

 

[sneakyninjapantalon]

I'm sorry to hear it's come to this. I hope to go soon in 2 weeks.

I'm also very sorry and wish life could've been different, but it is what it is and we're who we are, so it's come to this point. If it wasn't for their celebrations I'd do it right now, but I'll cause them enough pain, I guess they deserve those nice moments.

 

[jessisme]

It said they joined Dec. 14th so lurked for 3 days and managed to have everything in order/order SN?

They probably spent a long time lurking before they joined
as many do.

 

[jessisme]

But is it possible or easy to find an SN source not being on here and you can only get as member thru pm

I found about SN while lurking on here and had my SN on its way before I signed up.You raise a good point though.

 

[blackwidow]

Oh yes I couldn't find any without being told.

Even without signing up thes mountains of knowledge to easily figure out the SN protocol on here.. You only have to read a good bye thread for example, it's often written in there.

 

[jessisme]

It's only the initials of the sources allowed you can't post the sources.

I found my source by Googling on my own.

 

[blackwidow]

I found my source by Googling on my own.

Me too easily