Help Getting over medical "fear of finding out" - any advice?

[niawscm]

I have a big problem with the "fear of finding out." I'm overdue for a bunch of medical tests and I can't bring myself to go to the doctor because I'm convinced that the results will just show me how I have destroyed my internal organs by drinking too much, eating things I shouldn't, etc. The usual response to this is "better to find out early when these things are curable and not find out late when they could kill you." That just sends me straight into the suicidal spiral - I deserve to die because I haven't taken care of myself properly - why would I waste the doctors' time and my family's money on attempting to fix my body when it's my own fault?

Does anyone else deal with anything like this and do you have any wisdom to offer? Thanks so much.

 

[timf]

It might help to remember that 50% of all doctors graduated in the lower half of their class. What information you get get might be helpful, but it would still be good to double check as they can make mistakes. The body has a great capacity to heal and supplements can occasionally be helpful as well. I damaged my vascular system with 20 years of smoking. I think I have been able to get a 20-30% improvement.

 

[JustHereforNow]

I have a big problem with the "fear of finding out." I'm overdue for a bunch of medical tests and I can't bring myself to go to the doctor because I'm convinced that the results will just show me how I have destroyed my internal organs by drinking too much, eating things I shouldn't, etc. The usual response to this is "better to find out early when these things are curable and not find out late when they could kill you." That just sends me straight into the suicidal spiral - I deserve to die because I haven't taken care of myself properly - why would I waste the doctors' time and my family's money on attempting to fix my body when it's my own fault?

Does anyone else deal with anything like this and do you have any wisdom to offer? Thanks so much.

You dont deserve to die, if anything you and your body deserve some tlc. Its never too late to take care of yourself. I would start off with small things, like drinking a tiny bit less or eating something filling with a lot of fiber before meals, to make it less tempting to eat a large amount of unhealthy food. as far as exercise, find something you enjoy, you wont continue to do it if you dont enjoy it. Its very unlikely that whatever is on the test is irreversible.

 

[mafuyu]

i don't have anything to add but man, i've never seen someone who thinks the way i do so much.

 

[niawscm]

Thanks, all - I really appreciate the advice. I am taking steps to improve my health - I have cut way down on drinking and I exercise daily - but I cannot bring myself to get routine blood work, urinalysis, colonoscopy, etc. done. Maybe I just forget about the medical tests for now, trust that my lifestyle changes are working, and accept the risk that I will die of something that might have been caught on a diagnostic - yes, it's a risk, but if I do get the tests then there's a significant risk of spiraling into the "screw it all, I'm doomed anyway" mentality and relapsing.

 

[HighFlight]

I've suffered from mental health issues since childhood but have been able to keep them buried until recently. But one of the effects of internalizing everything is that I took terrible care of myself - no exercise, fast food 6 days a week, experimenting with various substances, etc. All of this was within my control - my choice. In 2021, I had a major heart attack. It was a wake up call to make changes. I've improved my diet and get out a hike several miles on a regular basis. But now, before I do anything, I have to get clearance from my cardiologist. This has made treating my mental health conditions, and even everyday medical problems more difficult.

The moral of this story is it's worth the time, money and effort to find out. The preventive care that can be provided if you know will make future care easier. We all make choices - let yours be that you wouldn't end up like me.

 

[niawscm]

@HighFlight55, please don't respond if this is too personal - but do you ever feel guilty for consuming medical care that could have gone to someone else and if so, how do you get around that? It's a major impediment for me. My healthy habits don't impose any cost on anyone, but if I go and get myself checked out and require care, that's going to be a drain on the system and I don't feel that anyone else's resources should be going to me when there are so many other people who are much more deserving than I am.

 

[HighFlight]

Are you located in a place where medical care is hard to get? Where I'm located, most medical services are readily available. The areas that we are lacking are mental health (big surprise) and emergency room care. So for me, the getting the check-ups and following through helps to keep me out of the emergency room.

But unless you're in a location that has very limited medical care available, you are just as deserving as the person you're sitting next to in the waiting room.

I was that person who didn't take care of himself, felt healthy, avoided the doctor's office. But the day of the heart attack, I had so many emergency medical resources tied up with just me. When I arrived, I was met by at least 9 doctors, nurses and technicians. Many of them stayed with me for most of my visit. When I went into v-fib, I had accepted that it was over and was ready to die. But they kept working and as a result, I'm still here.

My recommendation would be to get the tests. Chances are the results won't be as bad as you expect. And you'll be able to avoid tying up medical resources when and where they're needed most. But regardless of whether you go or not, please don't think you deserve medical care less than anyone else.

 

[niawscm]

Are you located in a place where medical care is hard to get? Where I'm located, most medical services are readily available. The areas that we are lacking are mental health (big surprise) and emergency room care. So for me, the getting the check-ups and following through helps to keep me out of the emergency room.

But unless you're in a location that has very limited medical care available, you are just as deserving as the person you're sitting next to in the waiting room.

I was that person who didn't take care of himself, felt healthy, avoided the doctor's office. But the day of the heart attack, I had so many emergency medical resources tied up with just me. When I arrived, I was met by at least 9 doctors, nurses and technicians. Many of them stayed with me for most of my visit. When I went into v-fib, I had accepted that it was over and was ready to die. But they kept working and as a result, I'm still here.

My recommendation would be to get the tests. Chances are the results won't be as bad as you expect. And you'll be able to avoid tying up medical resources when and where they're needed most. But regardless of whether you go or not, please don't think you deserve medical care less than anyone else.

Thank you!
Guess I've been operating under the assumption that I'll just let things happen and if I have a heart attack or stroke or I need a transplant I will just refuse treatment and die. But I'm sure it feels different in the moment and it's naive of me to think that I can plan in advance.

 

[HighFlight]

I will just refuse treatment and die

In the moment of my heart attack, things happened so fast that I was really given a choice. I have to give the medical team credit in that they were well organized and working as a team. Sure, I probably could have been refused treatment, but my guess is that would have been the equivalent to openly ctb in the emergency room surrounded by medical professionals.