Venting Getting Over An Ex

[15dec]

My ex broke up with me in November and I'm still not over him and I'm just sick of not being able to move on. We didn't speak for about a month and I thought I was over him, but then we started talking again yesterday and everything came back. I can't stop overthinking things he's said that could possibly mean he'd consider getting back together (it's probably me being too optimistic) or wondering if he's found another girlfriend and I've got absolutely no chance.

I just wish I could move on from relationships like everyone else does. I seem to be the only person who struggles for months after a relationship ends -even people who have been in relationships much longer than I have wind up with new partners in a few months or even weeks. They don't even seem upset over breakups for more than a month and I'm still in tears four months later and I just wish I could move on like they can.

 

[Norest4thewicked]

Broke up with my other in September, still hurts. I know what you say about others moving from relationships in a matter of days or weeks. How do they do It?! I'm middle aged and still it doesn't get any easier

 

[15dec]

Broke up with my other in September, still hurts. I know what you say about others moving from relationships in a matter of days or weeks. How do they do It?! I'm middle aged and still it doesn't get any easier

I know, it's crazy! My friend dated her ex for four years, they broke up and she had a new boyfriend in a week or two, and her ex had a new girlfriend in just over a month. It blows my mind honestly.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, honey. I know there are a lot of people who will totally get how you feel.

For some people I think it depends on how the relationship was for them and whether it was 'over' in their mind before things actually finished - if that makes sense. For example, I had a relationship that wasn't good and it was over in my head probably a good 8 months before I was able to physically extract myself from the relationship. A lot of people thought I didn't care but I'd actually done all my grieving, alone, when the relationship was at it's worst - after that it was just a pretence for me.

Also some people are less invested in a relationship than others so can move on more easily. Or they just hide their feelings. You might find your ex is putting on a brave face where as you are more honest about how you feel.

Xxx

 

[Chlo]

You deeefinitely are not the only one. I'm still not over my ex and it'll be three years in April, but I have a dependent/addictive personality, and while I was in love, our relationship was not a healthy one. It's still early days for you! Give it a bit more time, and perhaps try not to talk to him for at least a while while you grieve.

I know this is way easier said than done, trust me. My ex literally only calls me when shit happens in his life, like his mom and dad dying, etc. Other than that, he ignores me..I still get drunk and call or text him things that make me want to curl up and die the next morning. :P Anyway, I totally know how you feel. Heartbreak is one of the very worst feelings in the world for some.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I felt that once before and it destroyed me. I hated it amd ever since then i didnt put effort into my. Previous relationships
Half the guys i was with wanted one thing anyway and i have a problem staying single. I jump into relationships.

Time will heal this @15dec , trust me. Nothing else Will. Try to atleast lessen the convos you have with him. Amd eventually just stop talkimg. Id say stop cold turkey-but thatd be too hard for you atm.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I was always like this too. It usually takes me ages to bounce back after a breakup, and I often get that pit in my stomach/dry throat feeling for months on end each time. I think in my case it's more like a kind of separation anxiety. I have so few people in my world that when a girlfriend goes away it's kind of like my life has gone with it.

In general I would say it's a good sign though. It means you care and have a healthy capacity for giving yourself to someone. You won't always feel like this, either. Sometimes you break up with someone and you find you don't really care that much. So a lot depends on how that particular person made you feel. It does get a little easier on the whole as you get older, too.

 

[Chlo]

I was always like this too. It usually takes me ages to bounce back after a breakup, and I often get that pit in my stomach/dry throat feeling for months on end each time. I think in my case it's more like a kind of separation anxiety. I have so few people in my world that when a girlfriend goes away it's kind of like my life has gone with it.

In general I would say it's a good sign though. It means you care and have a healthy capacity for giving yourself to someone. You won't always feel like this, either. Sometimes you break up with someone and you find you don't really care that much. So a lot depends on how that particular person made you feel. It does get a little easier on the whole as you get older, too.

Ahh, I feel this.

 

[Memento Mori]

My ex broke up with me in November and I'm still not over him and I'm just sick of not being able to move on. We didn't speak for about a month and I thought I was over him, but then we started talking again yesterday and everything came back. I can't stop overthinking things he's said that could possibly mean he'd consider getting back together (it's probably me being too optimistic) or wondering if he's found another girlfriend and I've got absolutely no chance.

I just wish I could move on from relationships like everyone else does. I seem to be the only person who struggles for months after a relationship ends -even people who have been in relationships much longer than I have wind up with new partners in a few months or even weeks. They don't even seem upset over breakups for more than a month and I'm still in tears four months later and I just wish I could move on like they can.

I'm exactly the same, since last march...

moving on is also needed to show him something (dunno what, don't ask me), maybe you'll get positive reactions, maybe he doesn't care and is just 'happy' for you. what would you feel/do if he has another gf now? I'm glad I only had one relationship but that also means intense pain...if he sounds like he's consideringt that, then try not to overthink and show him how great you are, and that you understand his feelings more than he may think? idk. this is an advise from someone who's not able to do that, it's just so fucked up alrdy that there may only be a chance in 30 years and I don't believe in that because she will change her mind in all this time to 'no theres nothing more' and i'll be a left dead corpse by that time anyways bc of suffering and meds lol

 

[JustAboutDone]

I felt that once before and it destroyed me. I hated it amd ever since then i didnt put effort into my. Previous relationships
Half the guys i was with wanted one thing anyway and i have a problem staying single. I jump into relationships.

Time will heal this @15dec , trust me. Nothing else Will. Try to atleast lessen the convos you have with him. Amd eventually just stop talkimg. Id say stop cold turkey-but thatd be too hard for you atm.

Aww @Cookiedough8956 i'm sorry you have been through this too xxx

I am a bad advisor, don't listen to me!!! I would say go straight up say what's on your mind and ask if he feels the same!

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Aww @Cookiedough8956 i'm sorry you have been through this too xxx

I am a bad advisor, don't listen to me!!! I would say go straight up say what's on your mind and ask if he feels the same!

Nah it's okay , just another (horrible) experience lol.

I have way too much pride to ever ask how he feels.
But O P dont jump like how i do. It fucks u up. U need to give time to heal from it before dating. Cant be putting past feelings of relationships onto new ones!!

 

[JustAboutDone]

But O P dont jump like how i do. It fucks u up. U need to give time to heal from it before dating. Cant be putting past feelings of relationships onto new ones!!

Seriously good advice xx

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Seriously good advice xx

Thank you ☺!

 

[21Neberg]

I seem to be the only person who struggles for months after a relationship ends

You're definitely not - you've probably read my posts on here about my ex too. I still think of her nearly the entire day, and that relationship is now over since a couple of months too. Be careful with this renewed contact with your ex - it might bring back emotions and memories you'd rather leave buried.

 

[SkyBlue]

I don't know how you will find this, but I don't see that much wrong with that. From my experience, this is just the amount of time it takes for these things to proceed. After the break up with my ex-gf, it took me somewhere between 1,5 and 2 years to 'get over' it. Meaning that I could somehow come to peace with everything that happened, and until I became largely emotionally detached. It was a very 'meaningful' and intense, but also in many ways horrible relationship. There was a time where I feared I would forever be stuck, with this being the one and only thing for the rest of my life. But that's just not the case. It was perfectly possible to get over this.

I don't know how your relationship was. But if I were you, I'd give it maybe at least two more months, and see how things look then. Just like @Chlo put it, it's still early days for you... things are still fresh. And if you want to get over it, avoid all these things that bring the emotions back.

These people that move on so quickly after a relationship. I believe that this not beneficial in very many cases.

 

[cornflowerblue]

I think you're being hard on yourself. Dating somebody else doesn't mean that person is over anything. Some people are also more private about certain feelings so maybe they are still unhappy but aren't telling you and are writing it in a journal instead. I think after a breakup there is always pressure to act like you're happy and over it, especially if you expect people to gossip to your ex about how you're doing.

 

[Chlo]

I don't know how you will find this, but I don't see that much wrong with that. From my experience, this is just the amount of time it takes for these things to proceed. After the break up with my ex-gf, it took me somewhere between 1,5 and 2 years to 'get over' it. Meaning that I could somehow come to peace with everything that happened, and until I became largely emotionally detached. It was a very 'meaningful' and intense, but also in many ways horrible relationship. There was a time where I feared I would forever be stuck, with this being the one and only thing for the rest of my life. But that's just not the case. It was perfectly possible to get over this.

I don't know how your relationship was. But if I were you, I'd give it maybe at least two more months, and see how things look then. Just like @Chlo put it, it's still early days for you... things are still fresh. And if you want to get over it, avoid all these things that bring the emotions back.

These people that move on so quickly after a relationship. I believe that this not beneficial in very many cases.

This gives me hope, thanks.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Have you seen him today @15dec and are you ok? Xx

 

[15dec]

Thank you everyone for your advice, it makes me feel a lot better ♡

Have you seen him today @15dec and are you ok? Xx

Not today, and I'm doing better than I was yesterday at least :)

 

[SkyBlue]

This gives me hope, thanks.

Good!

 

[anxietywhisper]

It's hard seeing an ex after a break up and having contact with them.
Mine was the beginning of last year and because we have a child together, we didn't get the no contact option which has made things much harder and i'm still struggling with it now.
Hope you're doing okay x

 

[azucaramargo]

My ex broke up with me in November and I'm still not over him and I'm just sick of not being able to move on. We didn't speak for about a month and I thought I was over him, but then we started talking again yesterday and everything came back. I can't stop overthinking things he's said that could possibly mean he'd consider getting back together (it's probably me being too optimistic) or wondering if he's found another girlfriend and I've got absolutely no chance.

I just wish I could move on from relationships like everyone else does. I seem to be the only person who struggles for months after a relationship ends -even people who have been in relationships much longer than I have wind up with new partners in a few months or even weeks. They don't even seem upset over breakups for more than a month and I'm still in tears four months later and I just wish I could move on like they can.

When I was in a similar place, I paid a hundred bucks to be a member of this site:

lovesagame.com/

I found it helpful because there are a lot of "veterans" who have made it through horrific breakups, and they keep frequenting the site to encourage and bolster the newly broken-hearted.

I still checked mi'self into a loony bin in the wake of this break up (even after having discovered this site) , but I did find the site helpful in a way that nothing/ no one else had been. I was especially touched by the "recover-ees" who still came back to the site; I never go back there because I find it too triggering. But, there are so many people on that site who will take you under their virtual wings just because you are hurting, and they will give you real support. I wish I could offer more/better advice. But, I just wanted to let you know about that site.

Dating somebody else doesn't mean that person is over anything

This is so GD true!

 

[Pupuce]

Got dumped november 5th last year, if I can spend more than 3~4 hours without thinking about her it's a miracle. Now I just wonder if I'll get over it or CTB first.

 

[azucaramargo]

Got dumped november 5th last year, if I can spend more than 3~4 hours without thinking about her it's a miracle. Now I just wonder if I'll get over it or CTB first.

You will get over it first. Eff those effing people who think they're too good for us!

 

[Zer0]

I had a thing with a girl and made the mistake of getting too attached, she got herself a boyfriend after we "broke up" and that is killing me, I don't even know why I'm feeling like this.

 

[reveriewong]

How are you doing now?