Getting Kicked Out

[WinterFaust]

My mom is kicking me out and wants me gone in less than 24 hours because she said my depression is bad for her health and she no longer can stand that I'm holed up in my room and basically not functional. She also basically said no one was going to take me in after my disaster of a manic episode last year.
I already know I have nowhere to go and that I'm a failure and a burden. I regret not ordering SN sooner but I'm ordering it tonight. Hopefully she won't change the locks so I can come by and pick it up. I still haven't been able to get meto though and it seems inadvisable to try to take SN without that.
I struggle with going outside so I'm pretty anxious about the entire thing. I'm just so tired but this gives me the push I need to just end it all.

 

[K-O]

oh mate im sorry to hear that.. have you always lived there? are you gonna maybe shack up with a friend? whats your plan? x

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Gosh, it sounds horrible the way your mother has decided to turn her back on you. Whatever happens, I am wishing you all the best and if you decide to change your mind with the SN, I hope at least you find a place to stay, even if it's unlikely. But yeah, she better not change the locks if you are about to go through with it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

So she's not giving you a reasonable time limit, and is, in effect, punishing you in order to discharge her feelings of discomfort and inability to control or change you.

This sucks.

I hope you have some kind of a victory in spite of her (though of course she'll take the credit for having pushed you!). But whether you do or don't, I'd personally take comfort from Seneca: "It is far more wretched to harm than be harmed." Your mom seems quite wretched.

I wish for your well-being and the best possible outcomes.

 

[ThoughtsMinds]

@WinterFaust I totally relate to having a super fucked up manic episode last year and being judged from it... It really sucks you're getting kicked out :(
Maybe you could stay in a cheap motel for a few days and take the SN there.
That's my plan personally :)

 

[K-O]

punishing you in order to discharge her feelings

classic MOTHER DISORDER... ffs..

 

[IWTD]

My mom is kicking me out and wants me gone in less than 24 hours because she said my depression is bad for her health and she no longer can stand that I'm holed up in my room and basically not functional. She also basically said no one was going to take me in after my disaster of a manic episode last year.
I already know I have nowhere to go and that I'm a failure and a burden. I regret not ordering SN sooner but I'm ordering it tonight. Hopefully she won't change the locks so I can come by and pick it up. I still haven't been able to get meto though and it seems inadvisable to try to take SN without that.
I struggle with going outside so I'm pretty anxious about the entire thing. I'm just so tired but this gives me the push I need to just end it all.

I'm don't know where you reside. But if you live there she cannot throw you out legally in one day. She has to take you to court and allow you time to find a place to live

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm don't know where you reside. But if you live there she cannot throw you out legally in one day. She has to take you to court and allow you time to find a place to live

I didn't even think of this!

 

[FluffyDove]

Where do you live?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You know I hate to say this but depending on where you live you may have "squatters rights." Which means she can't legally kick you out without a 30 day eviction notice first.

Sorry you're going through this. I hope you're able to find a beneficial solution to your problem.

 

[WinterFaust]

oh mate im sorry to hear that.. have you always lived there? are you gonna maybe shack up with a friend? whats your plan? x

I moved back here last year after losing everyone and everything after my manic episode. So no friends anymore. And she made sure to point out that I'd pretty much get a rude awakening if I asked anybody for help.
I haven't been hostile or manic. I've just been severely depressed and ashamed at being nonfunctional. Ive stayed in my room a lot because I wanted to do my best to stay out of her way so she wouldn't have to see me like this.
She said earlier, everyone else's kids are fine and that me being like this would kill her. Admittedly I've struggled with doing basic things like care for myself and so chores often enough. I don't really eat or groom much and she's just sick of it. I was supposed to clean and tidy up today but I ended up passing out for a few hours. She's just had enough.

I'm don't know where you reside. But if you live there she cannot throw you out legally in one day. She has to take you to court and allow you time to find a place to live

I'm in the US but I don't think that would work. She had me sectioned before when I first moved in because of mania at the time. I'm pretty sure she'll just call the police and say I'm a danger to her if I try to stay.
Honestly she was abusive growing up so I'm lucky she even allowed me to stay with her for this long.

 

[K-O]

Where do you live?

just -- your avatar describes my relationship with my mum.. when she looks at me her eyes are filled with disgust fear loathing shame and well .. as you say- grief for me (and obv herself through me..)
she kicked me out after the military cause i had a girl lover and she couldn't bare housing an abomination..
mums the word..

She said earlier, everyone else's kids are fine and that me being like this would kill her.

FUCK your mum! i wish you could shack up with me! (u in IsraHell?..) being with parents is unnatural or healthy imo.. its so mf hard to shrug them off and feel like a disappointment 24\7.. i feel u babe.. i think maybe try to reach out to mates even if you shut them of in the past?.. maybe you'll be surprised?.. i cut everyone off in November and trying slowly to open up.. a mate i cut off back then had helped me with a technical thing when i needed last week and after that i didnt endulge her by responding.. i mean were all in a crises and they have to except that.. feel me?.. we cannot jugle everything now.. i too am terrified of basic things.. bathing etc.. x hugs x

 

[Lostandfound7]

I'm in NY, babe..hit me up♡

She can't put u out to the streets..period

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

She's just had enough.

I can respect that. But if she's reached that point and you are not causing her physical harm, then she is causing retaliatory harm unless she sets a reasonable amount of time for you to find a new living situation, and that's at least a month, not 24 hours.

I got sick as fuck of a roommate and she knew I was in the right and didn't fight it, and gave her two months to get out. There's fighting clean, and then there's fighting to leave marks. Your mother is not fighting clean, she wants to hurt you. She is using her power in an unjust way to unbalance you, not to genuinely restore balance. She doesn't want equilibrium, she wants to get high and be high, on her high horse, and from up there, you'll appear smaller and scared and wounded, and therefore not a threat. She's not in her power, she's abusing it to get power. You'd get a rude awakening if you asked for help?? This is her shit, and she's dumping ownership of it on you.

I'm willing to bet the law is on your side in this and would require at least 30 days notice.

I know it's hard to see this when you're beat down. It can feel like an assault that I've pulled out the armor and the weapons of law and logic against your mother, especially if it's part of the family story that you're supposed to protect and defend her. But dude (or whatever gender, just saying dude), you're about to be homeless and vulnerable. I've been in this kind of family bullshit, and I now have a backbone and my own power. I'm an adult. So are you. What she's doing is victimizing and it's wrong. It can't hurt to call the non-emergency police number out of her hearing and get some advice about your rights.

Edit: Just read your comment to IWTD in comment 11. From now on, I would try to surreptitiously record her every time she speaks to or about you.

 

[WinterFaust]

Thank you all for your kindness and helpful replies. She's gone now and won't be back until 7pm tomorrow night so I'm just trying to get myself stable enough to actually make a concrete plan.
I'm not surprised by any of her actions currently. None of this is new. No matter what I did in the past, however I excelled and tried to forge my own way, she's always despised me.
I'm just hurt that she threw me not having anyone in my face because I'm too broken and too much of a burden. It's something I've been struggling with these past 9 months.

 

[Lostandfound7]

U stay RIGHT THERE until u can find somewhere safe to go...She CANNOT put u out..

If she's so miserable with u staying there, TELL HER TO LEAVE!

 

[Broken Chimera]

my depression is bad for her health and she no longer can stand that I'm holed up in my room and basically not function.

So basically she's punishing you for suffering. That's mom of the year material right there. Focused more on herself than her child. Even if she let's you stay you need to try to get away from her. She sounds toxic from what you say and bad for your mental health. And no she can't just throw you out without giving you a chance to find a new place to stay. She needs to legally evict you to be able to force you to leave.

 

[WinterFaust]

you're about to be homeless and vulnerable. I've been in this kind of family bullshit, and I now have a backbone and my own power. I'm an adult. So are you. What she's doing is victimizing and it's wrong.

Yeah I do get that. This is about her. And she mentioned that last week, asking if I ever considered how seeing me not care for myself or spending time in my room, in the dark, is bad for her. I do get that I needed to pull my weight more. I've been struggling like this since October and January when I suffered from hearing loss and other physical issues, so I get her frustration. I'll try to talk to her tomorrow to see if I can get some more time in a more amicable way.

Even if she let's you stay you need to try to get away from her. She sounds toxic from what you say and bad for your mental health.

You're certainly not wrong. Being around her for long periods of time has never been a good thing. Today she said I must be possessed by a bad spirit whose sole purpose is to kill her.

I've done my best to use minimal resources when I use any at all. I really don't leave my room. I don't have an so or friends so no one to talk to or anywhere to go. Physically I'm doing almost as poorly as I am mentally. And she's angry about it. I'm pretty much just an eye sore.
She really got to me about no one being willing to help. I haven't even asked anyone. I don't know where to turn.

 

[Broken Chimera]

Today she said I must be possessed by a bad spirit whose sole purpose is to kill her.

Who the hell even says that to their child. And it doesn't matter with people like that. You could have all your own stuff and she probably would still complain.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Who the hell even says that to their child. And it doesn't matter with people like that. You could have all your own stuff and she probably would still complain.

I always say, with people like that, Jesus could literally come and hold their hand and they'd complain it was too tight, or not tight enough, or he didn't wash his hands first.

 

[WinterFaust]

Who the hell even says that to their child. And it doesn't matter with people like that. You could have all your own stuff and she probably would still complain.

She said stuff like that when I was a kid too. That I came into this world simply to make her suffer. And I promise you, all I did as a kid was stay in my room and read. I barely had friends.

I always say, with people like that, Jesus could literally come and hold their hand and they'd complain it was too tight, or not tight enough, or he didn't wash his hands first.

Pretty much this.

 

[Broken Chimera]

She would've been fine if you stole from her, skipped school and partied all the time. Has she even tried to help you with depression or did she complain that you didn't just snap out of it?

 

[K-O]

She said stuff like that when I was a kid too.

r u my lost sista from anotha mista?? i was terified from her as a child.. doesnt matter what u do u cannot be 'good'.. your not a person.. just a 'thing'.. never a break.. glad u can share here.
keep us posted pls.. hope she calms down soon and u explore some options x

 

[WinterFaust]

She would've been fine if you stole from her, skipped school and partied all the time. Has she even tried to help you with depression or did she complain that you didn't just snap out of it?

She never really tried to help in the past, just said the typical "get over it, you're not actually struggling people have it worse than you" when I was severely depressed in the past. This time my life imploded in my face rather publicly and I was an obvious mess she was nicer for a bit and took me to therapy for a couple of months. But she's grown tired of me and the fact that I'm getting worse and has gone back to telling me to get over it and that she has her own problems.

r u my lost sista from anotha mista?? i was terified from her as a child.. doesnt matter what u do u cannot be 'good'.. your not a person.. just a 'thing'.. never a break.. glad u can share here.
keep us posted pls.. hope she calms down soon and u explore some options x

I'm really sorry you've gone through that as a child as well. It's tough. The hardest thing for me was having to move back in after I did my best to make a life for myself and create my own found family.
I will definitely update

 

[MaisieWilliamsLover]

You have to be legally evicted to be kicked out. You have time.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I want to say I relate to your story. My mom was very mentally unstable. She seemed to have it out for me and would tell me to kill myself often. So I grew up thinking I was worthless. Bullying and other abuses didnt help either

I would suggest looking at your options. See if there are shelters or places you can stay and make a plan from there.

At the end of the day, what you choose to do is a choice. My mom died of cancer, and my life has been much better for it. Still shit, but better. However her abuse is long lasting mentally. I figure I'll CTB some day. Whether you choose to push forward or CTB, its your choice. Life is hard enough and sometimes, trying after we have tried so hard and was dealt with bad hands is just too much to bear.

 

[IWTD]

I'm in NY, babe..hit me up♡

She can't put u out to the streets..period

Exactly, and if she calls stay calm and try to softly explain yourself. Open up to police about depression and trying. They aren't going to let her throw you out. There likely to remove her. If she gets outta hand

I'm in NY, babe..hit me up♡

She can't put u out to the streets..period

I'm in New York as well, I'm willing to help if I can as well.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Its so sad how we can all relate to each other. It goes to show that many people put on masks on the outside. Many people would never assume my mom to be an abuser on the outside. She only showed that side to myself and the family behind closed doors

Nontheless I hope we can all have some type of closure from our wounds.

 

[Bct]

Damn your mother is so shitty! Wish you're able to find a better place if she's still insist to kick you out.

 

[4eyebiped]

I know it isn't easy, but do your best to muster up the energy to do a couple minor things that you know she wants. I don't know enough about you two but some potential examples are, to try and eat just a little bit, organize your room a little, take a shower/bath, or do something in the kitchen. Do your best not to be combative when she engages you. Just try to do something to give her the impression you are trying or want to work with her. Perhaps, this will calm things down and give you time to think and plan.

All the while we will be here to provide you with support.