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icarus3/21
Member
- Jan 17, 2021
- 22
last night i got really impulsive and got ready to stab myself with a knife,i set everything up and took some gabbies to see if it would numb the pain,it didnt do shit and i held the knife to my chest for like 1 hour and then just pussed out,i spilled like half the pills by mistake and had to scoop them all up and put them back in,what i didnt notice was there was another pile under my desk,i put the knife and the pill bottle away and tried to hang myself with my martial arts belt,i'm wheelchair bound and i cant reach very far so i tied it to one of the bars in my bathroom,I leaned forward for like a minute and all i felt was blood rushing to my head and not much else,so i ditched it and went to bed. when i woke up my mom noticed all the pills under my desk that i forgot to clean up and then started questioning me,i choked up and said i didn't know,but of course she didn't believe me,eventually i cracked and told her what happened,i didnt tell her about the hanging part though,and my belt is still hidden away safely,but 2 of my main methods are risky and one dont even work,and my parents know i'm suicidal,my only options at this point is to leave the house when no ones looking or drown myself in the pool,both very unreliable options considering there needs to be specific circumstances to pull it off,i'm not asking people to shower me with the holy grail of methods but atleast one or two methods i can rely on would bring me some relief.