Getting closer.

[Ready2GoNow]

I'm in my final year of uni and barely hanging on. I should be long gone already but for some reason here I am, still trying. I know it's futile. Anyway.

I got a tutor to help keep me motivated and get my grades up. I had a virtual session with her today. I'd asked her to help me write a 1,000 word essay, which she agreed.
The first thing she did during the call was ask 'why are you even doing this degree?' I said I want to go into medicine afterwards. She started lecturing me on how medicine is hard work (no shit), she's shocked that I'm in my final year and can't write an essay on my own, it should be easy and take me only a couple of hours, and 'it seems like you've given up'. Her rant took me by surprise and made me feel so dumb/worthless. She doesn't know my life story, who's she to judge? I just wanted to scream that I haven't given up on uni, I've given up on LIFE. My teeth are all rotten because I don't even have the energy to brush them. I'm hanging on by a thread, and the person I pay to motivate/help me ends up kicking me down even more. Lol. Idk why I'm still surprised.

I'm getting closer and closer to the inevitable end. I'll no doubt fuck up my December exams due to PTSD related memory loss and general laziness due to crippling depression, and that will be game over for me. Wish I could just grow some balls and do it now instead of dragging it out.

 

[AJ95]

It's extremely hard to do uni work when you're in this head space.

Hope you find peace

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I suspect you may have taken on more than you can handle... it was a brave move, but sadly all you're doing is adding stress to your already stressful life. Your tutor is right, you shouldn't need any help at this level, but how is she to know about your struggles, unless you open up to her? Good luck.

 

[Ready2GoNow]

I suspect you may have taken on more than you can handle... it was a brave move, but sadly all you're doing is adding stress to your already stressful life. Your tutor is right, you shouldn't need any help at this level, but how is she to know about your struggles, unless you open up to her? Good luck.

Who says I shouldn't need any help at this level? My friend who has a perfectly happy life also had a tutor in his final year. There's nothing wrong with getting extra help to give your grades a boost, that's literally why private tutors exist. Not to talk down to their paying clients. You're right though she doesn't know about my struggles, so maybe she shouldn't pass judgement without knowing what she's talking about.
As for 'taking on more than I can handle', I've been a mess since my extremely traumatic childhood. I thought trying to better myself was a good thing. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Who says I shouldn't need any help at this level? My friend who has a perfectly happy life also had a tutor in his final year. There's nothing wrong with getting extra help to give your grades a boost, that's literally why private tutors exist. Not to talk down to their paying clients. You're right though she doesn't know about my struggles, so maybe she shouldn't pass judgement without knowing what she's talking about.
As for 'taking on more than I can handle', I've been a mess since my extremely traumatic childhood. I thought trying to better myself was a good thing. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Everyone has a tutor, and that's fine. But to ask your tutor to help you to write a 1,000 word essay??? That's a no no!

Talk to your tutor, open up, if you're able to, and she might have more understanding of your problems.

 

[Ready2GoNow]

Everyone has a tutor, and that's fine. But to ask your tutor to help you to write a 1,000 word essay??? That's a no no!

Talk to your tutor, open up, if you're able to, and she might have more understanding of your problems.

How the fuck is that a no no? You don't even know the content of the essay (it's something very technical), and you sound extremely privileged, ignorant, and arrogant. Go fuck yourself.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Whatever... but I'll pass on your advice that I go fuck myself. Thanks though, I'm always open to suggestions.

How the fuck is that a no no? You don't even know the content of the essay (it's something very technical), and you sound extremely privileged, ignorant, and arrogant. Go fuck yourself.

What a charmer you are...