Getting closer and closer

[Dizzy_Dreams]

I've been a shitty person
people have been shitty to me
I grew up completely isolated
homeschooled but not taught anything
life is not worth living for me
I'm not wanted by my dysfunctional family
I've never had friends or normal social settings.
people have always thought I was weird.

ive been told I have anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD and I know I have learning issues but I've also been told how selfish I am. I know I'm selfish for sure in some ways.

the only thing I ever had was my boyfriend but he can't deal with how bad my depression is he wants me to get help and learn to cope better he doesn't understand why I'll always struggle with much my whole life.

is dad doesn't like me because of my mental health issues and because of how reliant I was on my boyfriend for things. We were staying this his fathers friend but his dad was coming to visit a lot because he wants to start doing things inside the house like making music there and stuff. he said in weak and crazy and that I needed to go back where I came from and tell my parents I fucked up and go back to the state I came from and how my mental health is to much on his son and that I need help.

he doesn't understand that my level of issues cant be fixed by therapy or inpatient places.

he made it so I had to leave and I'm now sepoarted from my boyfriend and my dog which where the only two things I had in life.

I couldn't help looking to my boyfriend for love and safety in life and I know I'd always need him this much. But I guess that's also unfair.

my mom has torn me down since I've been here and has made me feel like shit, my boyfriend had the cops come here because I told him without him with me I want to kill myself.

I think at the end of the day what they say is true. You can only save yourself and if you can't then I guess that sucks. I'm in this alone. I don't feel I ever had a chance but life seems to suck anyways..

Maybe I really was always meant to kill myself. I'm terrified of where beyond this life for me. I'm scared I'll go to hell for sure.

I have contacted D. He can't deliver to PO Boxes so I will have to open a rent a mail box and see if he can deliver there..

then i have to figure out how to use bitcoin.

I need to do this soon. I need to finally do this.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be terrible and people can be cruel. I know how it feels to be suffering. I personally believe that death is just eternal nothingness and there is no such hell. It gives me comfort when thinking about the other side. I hope you find peace.

 

[WornOutLife]

You know how much I hate that you have to suffer in this unfair world.
We've been talking for some time and I can tell you're a really awesome and beautiful person.
I wish there were more people like you around.

Whatever happens, you can count on me.

Wish you lots of love and peace,

Matt

 

[BlankUser]

It sucks when relatives of your partner try to break you two apart. I was going through very similar thing myself. Things got better when we found our own place and these relatives had to accept the fact that my boyfriend makes his own decisions in life. It's so disgusting how people with mental ilnesses get treated by others. And then they wonder why we don't want to live. Because nobody wants us around.