Venting Getting close to the end of the line

[GrumpyFrog]

So, I am now firmly set on my plan. I am going to CTB on the night between Friday and Saturday. Full suspension in a secluded spot. Very boring, and nothing for you to learn from it, I know.

I don't really know why I post this other than the need to get it out of my system. It's not a proper goodbye thread - I haven't really made any friends to say goodbye to and there isn't much to learn from the details of my plan. Plus it's way too long until the actual time of suicide to make it a goodbye thread. I just don't like dying alone (although I am well aware that I am dying alone because I'm an ass, and I take full responsibility), so I am sort of rambling into a vast emptiness. I know, I could've journaled instead of clogging up the forum, but that's just not the same for some reason.

I have a bad case of "I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either, but I do, but I don't...". I guess I wish I could've stop hurting without dying but that's not an option.
I also wish I've met people I can fit in with, but there are no such people. I am way too morbid to hang out with people that are doing okay, and way too desensitised to great amounts pain to hang out with people that are hurting. I wish I just had people to exchange opinions and discuss random things with, and we could talk about random stuff like what makes a book or a movie enjoyable for them, or what makes a person accomplished, or which historical period would we go to if we had a time machine. This is the one thing I regret never doing the most.

Grateful to everyone who was nice, shared information or just provided company over the time I spent here. You all are a bunch of lovely folks, I hope you find peace one way or another.

Sorry. Ramble over for now.

 

[Drowning fish]

You may be physically alone but know that posting this at least make people aware of your sufferings and I give you all my empathy. <3
If you choose to die, I hope you will have a peaceful death. If you choose to postpone or cancel it is totally alright as well !

 

[Deleted member 4993]

Your a lovely person and I respect your decision and appreciate your contribution here, good luck and safe travel in whatever you decide

 

[whywere]

HI! 1st) You ARE part of the sanctioned suicide global family and I for one, do not know you, BUT ilove you, only want the best for you and I have a lifetime of issues from 2 suicide attempts, crappy divorce, no friends or family at all, EXCEPT EXCEPT my global family here! 2nd) At least in my view point you are NOT rambling at all. That is what sanctioned suicide is all about and I can only speak for myself, but hopefully everyone is onboard with this, that we ALL CARE,LOVE, and lookout and think of one another. Whatever you decide safe and happy journeys for you.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Thank you, guys!

@Passingby, I'm honored you took time to reply to my thread, thank you.

HI! 1st) You ARE part of the sanctioned suicide global family and I for one, do not know you, BUT ilove you, only want the best for you and I have a lifetime of issues from 2 suicide attempts, crappy divorce, no friends or family at all, EXCEPT EXCEPT my global family here! 2nd) At least in my view point you are NOT rambling at all. That is what sanctioned suicide is all about and I can only speak for myself, but hopefully everyone is onboard with this, that we ALL CARE,LOVE, and lookout and think of one another.

Thank you, you are a very lovely person!
I certainly did not expect to discover all the love, hugs, sunshine and rainbows when I joined the forum. I think I am officially worried about being too negative for a pro-CTB forum during my stay here

 

[Mm80]

Pls dont apologise there is nothing wrong with your post.
Although it may not seem like you have made friends here, you may be surprised. Many will read your posts and look forward to your opinions on things. I know that i have liked reading your posts and been interested in what you have to say x

 

[whywere]

Thank you, guys!

@Passingby, I'm honored you took time to reply to my thread, thank you.


Thank you, you are a very lovely person!
I certainly did not expect to discover all the love, hugs, sunshine and rainbows when I joined the forum. I think I am officially worried about being too negative for a pro-CTB forum during my stay here

Thank you for the nice reply! NOW you are NEVER too negative, as far as we all have bad days/times and I will speak for myself, but I believe all the global family members feel the same, that we all NEED LOVE,SUPPORT, and the aspect of life that we are not a island BUT part of something MUCH larger. I am on alot and PLEASE feel free to give me a shout out when you are in the are feeling blue. I love, and care for you and only want the best for you whatever that might be.

 

[Drowning fish]

Never feel sorry for being yourself :)

 

[Denise2207]

There is nothing wrong with your post @Nessie. Sadly we've not interacted much on here but as said above YOU ARE LOVED! I'm here if you fancy a chat and you have my support whatever you decide to do. Lots of love and hugs to you ❤❤

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I wish I just had people to exchange opinions and discuss random things with, and we could talk about random stuff like what makes a book or a movie enjoyable for them, or what makes a person accomplished, or which historical period would we go to if we had a time machine. This is the one thing I regret never doing the most.

Since you're not ctb'ing yet, there's still time. These kinds of topics are discussed in Off Topic all the time, and you could also start threads.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Thank you, everyone!

@Mm80 it was always such a pleasure to read your posts, thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me!

 

[Mm80]

Thank you, everyone!

@Mm80 it was always such a pleasure to read your posts, thank you for your kind words, it means a lot to me!

Well as gpe said, its not too late to try and get into some interesting thought provoking discussions on here. Id love to help with that but im as thick as fuck lol x

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

you're not clogging up the forum in the slightest. there isn't anything wrong with this thread; i'm glad you decided to share what you're thinking with us.

i hope you find peace when your time comes, but until then, we'll be here.

 

[Ghost2211]

You're loved and valued, and I'll miss seeing your posts.

 

[BPD Barbie]

We love having you here! Thank you for being you and contributing to the forum. Sorry to see that you've decided the weekend will be it for you. You're not clogging up the forum at all, that's what it's here for love. I'm stuck in that limbo of want to die/don't want to die as well, it's horrible not knowing from one minute to the next how you're gonna feel about it. I hope you find some peace in whatever you decide to do. Sending love

 

[BetterInthanOut]

I think lots of us can feel the do and don't want to die kind of thing. Even people you don't speak to on here care when it matters, that's what I like so much about the community. I hope everything works out for you, good luck

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Thank you for all the support, everyone!

I thought about making threads in OffTopic just to chat about things, but I'm worried about posting something that will upset people, so I didn't. I guess I never contributed anything of value to this community as well as all of the others I've been a part of, but oh well, that's just how I am...

 

[suicideisgood]

So, I am now firmly set on my plan. I am going to CTB on the night between Friday and Saturday. Full suspension in a secluded spot. Very boring, and nothing for you to learn from it, I know.

I don't really know why I post this other than the need to get it out of my system. It's not a proper goodbye thread - I haven't really made any friends to say goodbye to and there isn't much to learn from the details of my plan. Plus it's way too long until the actual time of suicide to make it a goodbye thread. I just don't like dying alone (although I am well aware that I am dying alone because I'm an ass, and I take full responsibility), so I am sort of rambling into a vast emptiness. I know, I could've journaled instead of clogging up the forum, but that's just not the same for some reason.

I have a bad case of "I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either, but I do, but I don't...". I guess I wish I could've stop hurting without dying but that's not an option.
I also wish I've met people I can fit in with, but there are no such people. I am way too morbid to hang out with people that are doing okay, and way too desensitised to great amounts pain to hang out with people that are hurting. I wish I just had people to exchange opinions and discuss random things with, and we could talk about random stuff like what makes a book or a movie enjoyable for them, or what makes a person accomplished, or which historical period would we go to if we had a time machine. This is the one thing I regret never doing the most.

Grateful to everyone who was nice, shared information or just provided company over the time I spent here. You all are a bunch of lovely folks, I hope you find peace one way or another.

Sorry. Ramble over for now.

If you want before you go you can talk to me about this stuff

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm going to a chemist to pick up my benzos for tonight. I'm stupidly scared because it is making this whole thing real. Plus I know the pharmacist there is judging me for taking benzos, she gave me a lecture about being young and not really needing them before, and it makes me ridiculously anxious. Thank you for reading.

 

[whywere]

I really want you to be happy but please just remember that everyone loves you here. Whatever you decide be safe and pleasant thoughts to you

 

[SipSop]

So, I am now firmly set on my plan. I am going to CTB on the night between Friday and Saturday. Full suspension in a secluded spot. Very boring, and nothing for you to learn from it, I know.

I don't really know why I post this other than the need to get it out of my system. It's not a proper goodbye thread - I haven't really made any friends to say goodbye to and there isn't much to learn from the details of my plan. Plus it's way too long until the actual time of suicide to make it a goodbye thread. I just don't like dying alone (although I am well aware that I am dying alone because I'm an ass, and I take full responsibility), so I am sort of rambling into a vast emptiness. I know, I could've journaled instead of clogging up the forum, but that's just not the same for some reason.

I have a bad case of "I don't want to live, but I don't want to die either, but I do, but I don't...". I guess I wish I could've stop hurting without dying but that's not an option.
I also wish I've met people I can fit in with, but there are no such people. I am way too morbid to hang out with people that are doing okay, and way too desensitised to great amounts pain to hang out with people that are hurting. I wish I just had people to exchange opinions and discuss random things with, and we could talk about random stuff like what makes a book or a movie enjoyable for them, or what makes a person accomplished, or which historical period would we go to if we had a time machine. This is the one thing I regret never doing the most.

Grateful to everyone who was nice, shared information or just provided company over the time I spent here. You all are a bunch of lovely folks, I hope you find peace one way or another.

Sorry. Ramble over for now.

This is the right place to vent baby. Take care.

 

[BetterInthanOut]

I'm going to a chemist to pick up my benzos for tonight. I'm stupidly scared because it is making this whole thing real. Plus I know the pharmacist there is judging me for taking benzos, she gave me a lecture about being young and not really needing them before, and it makes me ridiculously anxious. Thank you for reading.

Chat to us later if you'd like, we'll be here

 

[miguel6565]

I really hope you can find the peace you want to achieve,i will be here and i will remember you like all the people that die somedays in this forum,i remember nmost of them,you wont be forgotten by us

hugs and i send good vibes

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Thank you for all the kind words, guys, you are amazing!
I thought I am going to call in sick and take a day off today, but my office is super overloaded, and I really don't want to let people down today. So I am starting work and I will probably be working all the time until it will be time for me to leave for my spot. I hope I will be able to at least ask to be let go an hour early, so I can get ready in peace. I'd like to be at the spot around midnight.
I am a little sad about falling asleep a little earlier. I'm so tired I just slept through the last bit of my free time, instead of doing something fun. Oh well...

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Today has been an interesting day. I've been shown truly astonishing amounts of kindness and support in this community, in spite of being, well, an ass for most of my time here. I also have to share with you that a kind soul offered me help, and even though I didn't feel I can accept it, I promised them to reconsider my plan. So that's where I'm at now - reconsidering. I am still leaning more towards proceeding with the plan, and I am about to leave for what might be my final resting place, but I've got to be honest. I am not sure if I wouldn't change my mind. If I don't, I hope you know you at least made me consider it. And if I do, hope I am not too much of a letdown and it would be okay if I come back just to debate random stuff with you and insert my dumb opinion into every topic that can take it
Love, peace, hugs and all the fluff!

 

[BetterInthanOut]

Today has been an interesting day. I've been shown truly astonishing amounts of kindness and support in this community, in spite of being, well, an ass for most of my time here. I also have to share with you that a kind soul offered me help, and even though I didn't feel I can accept it, I promised them to reconsider my plan. So that's where I'm at now - reconsidering. I am still leaning more towards proceeding with the plan, and I am about to leave for what might be my final resting place, but I've got to be honest. I am not sure if I wouldn't change my mind. If I don't, I hope you know you at least made me consider it. And if I do, hope I am not too much of a letdown and it would be okay if I come back just to debate random stuff with you and insert my dumb opinion into every topic that can take it
Love, peace, hugs and all the fluff!

Of course it's okay if you change your mind! Deciding to ctb is a massive decision, I think sometimes it comes across as trivial here simply because we're all too desensitised. Good luck with whatever you choose though, I hope it all works out

 

[Deleted member 4993]

It's always ok to change your mind, ctb is the final option, your always welcome here amongst us if you decide to stay.
Good luck and peace to you with whatever you decide is best for you

 

[Nofuture0628]

i wonder if he ended up doing it

 

[GrumpyFrog]

Hey, everyone. I am very grateful for your support. I want to inform you that I ended up not doing it, and regardless of my choice I probably wouldn't be able to.

I wanted to end my life in a secluded spot in the woods. I want to warn any of you who might be considering going to die in a secluded area outside that it might end up being a Very Bad Idea. Well, maybe if you live in a safer area than I do...
In order to get to a very secluded area, I had to pass through the part of the woods that isn't that secluded, and I managed to run into three drunk dudes that were sort of camping round a car and getting wasted there. They wanted me to say "hi" and drink with them, and they were exactly the kind of drunk guys that don't take "no" for an answer and get...ahem...fairly upset if you ignore them. Long story short, I barely escaped from being gang raped. Naturally, I ran home like crazy, all my previous plans be damned.
So anyone who is considering ending their life outside in a secluded area, please take in account that on your way there you might encounter very shady and potentially violent people in semi-secluded areas. Well, unless you are all significantly smarter than me and could tell that going to the woods was an extremely bad idea from the get-go. Man, I feel like I am collecting these cautionary tales about how not to attempt.
My little sister plays a lot of Sims 3 and I once saw this very relatable situation happen in her game, when the Grim Reaper showed up to collect a character.

^ That is very descriptive of what happened.

Glad to know you're okay with accepting me back, at least. You people are so kind, it is such an obvious contrast with the outside world.

 

[IBreathButNoMoreLive]

Hey, everyone. I am very grateful for your support. I want to inform you that I ended up not doing it, and regardless of my choice I probably wouldn't be able to.

I wanted to end my life in a secluded spot in the woods. I want to warn any of you who might be considering going to die in a secluded area outside that it might end up being a Very Bad Idea. Well, maybe if you live in a safer area than I do...
In order to get to a very secluded area, I had to pass through the part of the woods that isn't that secluded, and I managed to run into three drunk dudes that were sort of camping round a car and getting wasted there. They wanted me to say "hi" and drink with them, and they were exactly the kind of drunk guys that don't take "no" for an answer and get...ahem...fairly upset if you ignore them. Long story short, I barely escaped from being gang raped. Naturally, I ran home like crazy, all my previous plans be damned.
So anyone who is considering ending their life outside in a secluded area, please take in account that on your way there you might encounter very shady and potentially violent people in semi-secluded areas. Well, unless you are all significantly smarter than me and could tell that going to the woods was an extremely bad idea from the get-go. Man, I feel like I am collecting these cautionary tales about how not to attempt.
My little sister plays a lot of Sims 3 and I once saw this very relatable situation happen in her game, when the Grim Reaper showed up to collect a character.
View attachment 44290
^ That is very descriptive of what happened.

Glad to know you're okay with accepting me back, at least. You people are so kind, it is such an obvious contrast with the outside world.

I am glad you are still here, I am a newbie & I was late to see your Goodbye & I was sad but now I am pleased