Gender Dyshoria. Suicide.

[nasttya]

I used google translate to translate this text.
Hello everyone, my name is Nastya, or I just want to be called that. I have been wanting to commit suicide for a long time in my life because I realized myself as a transgender person. My country recently passed a law banning transgender transition. Now I understand that I will never have a quiet life. I will be unemployed, I will not achieve anything, because my dead day will forever be next to me. I take antidepressants, but they are of no use to me, because I still realize my insignificance and understand that I am becoming useless, I lose the strength to live and I cannot do anything at all that will allow me to exist. I don't go to school, even though my parents have already spent money on college. I will never be able to emigrate, I don't have money and never will. When I told a psychiatrist at a public clinic about my thoughts of suicide, I was admitted to the hospital and I was isolated from the world. I was essentially not allowed to do anything except read books and smoke. I had to tell a lie to be allowed to go home. To say that I'm fine. I feel this hatred, hatred from the state. The truth is, no one tells me personally about their hatred. Several times I thought about an overdose of what I have: clomipramine, mirtazapine, quetiapine. And I thought about painless ways. However, I can't make up my mind and it's very difficult for me. It would be easier to cut my veins or jump from a height (I live in a 9-story building).

 

[The Schizoid]

I used google translate to translate this text.
Hello everyone, my name is Nastya, or I just want to be called that. I have been wanting to commit suicide for a long time in my life because I realized myself as a transgender person. My country recently passed a law banning transgender transition. Now I understand that I will never have a quiet life. I will be unemployed, I will not achieve anything, because my dead day will forever be next to me. I take antidepressants, but they are of no use to me, because I still realize my insignificance and understand that I am becoming useless, I lose the strength to live and I cannot do anything at all that will allow me to exist. I don't go to school, even though my parents have already spent money on college. I will never be able to emigrate, I don't have money and never will. When I told a psychiatrist at a public clinic about my thoughts of suicide, I was admitted to the hospital and I was isolated from the world. I was essentially not allowed to do anything except read books and smoke. I had to tell a lie to be allowed to go home. To say that I'm fine. I feel this hatred, hatred from the state. The truth is, no one tells me personally about their hatred. Several times I thought about an overdose of what I have: clomipramine, mirtazapine, quetiapine. And I thought about painless ways. However, I can't make up my mind and it's very difficult for me. It would be easier to cut my veins or jump from a height (I live in a 9-story building).

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Are you sure there's no way you could eventually save up money to emigrate? Do you have any close friends who will listen and help make this a possibility for you?

If not, and you really feel like you've done everything you can do to get better, then in regards to a 9 story building, that's around 100ft or so. It has a good chance of killing you, but if I was in that situation I'd personally be looker for higher than that.

 

[daydreams]

Yeah life is very painful as a transgender person
Even transitioning won't bring peace, we hear of trans people who cs everyday.
Transphobia is bad, but the biggest problem is that transitioning is not perfect, we know a little about human biology, so your body gonna be in conflict and torture within the procedure
That's the dark truth that doctors won't tell, i know it's none of your fault, you didn't choose or want to be like that , for the human race, our bodis and brains and physiology sucks, especially us the lgbt community, it's like our brains are designed to make us suffer and to give us unstoppable pain
Unfortunately this life is very scary and horrifying

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this cruel world but anyway I wish you the best, I hate how many humans just create so much suffering.

 

[lucyna]

hi nastya, i assume you're from russia since they passed a ban on gender affirming care. you and others in your situation have been in my thoughts a lot lately but i know it doesn't matter that much in reality. do you have any chance of seeking refuge in your neighbouring countries? i'm sure every one of them will have a lgbtq+ community willing to help you in there. i'm so sorry you have to endure this as a trans person myself and my heart breaks for you. have you tried looking at DIY HRT? i know some in russia do it, basically all you need is estradiol and nothing else as a monotherapy. they can't ban estradiol competely since a lot of cis women depend on it too.

 

[nasttya]

hi nastya, i assume you're from russia since they passed a ban on gender affirming care. you and others in your situation have been in my thoughts a lot lately but i know it doesn't matter that much in reality. do you have any chance of seeking refuge in your neighbouring countries? i'm sure every one of them will have a lgbtq+ community willing to help you in there. i'm so sorry you have to endure this as a trans person myself and my heart breaks for you. have you tried looking at DIY HRT? i know some in russia do it, basically all you need is estradiol and nothing else as a monotherapy. they can't ban estradiol competely since a lot of cis women depend on it too.

I'm on HRT at the moment. But I can't get every job, a lot of people hate transgender people. And I live in a region with the lowest salaries. No country will want to provide me with asylum, since there are no direct threats to my life. To obtain refugee status you need strong grounds.

 

[nasttya]

I am now going to a psychoneurological clinic. I take clomipramine. For my problems with constant apathy and drowsiness, I was prescribed chlorprothixene, but it has a sedative effect. I'm getting worse and worse, I feel like I can't do anything. I feel worthless and useless. I can't get a job because people are transphobic. It is written in my documents that I am male. I want to die. I heard about methods with sodium nitrite, I think I'll try it, I hope it works.

 

[Reuthry]

I also have gender dysphoria, and it is the hell itself. I hope you get better whatever you choose to do.

But I want to add that 9th floor doesn't ensure death and you have the risk of being disabled in the end. Jumping is risky when you are jumping from a height that is less than 200 ft. I live on 10th floor, I seriously considering jumping from the window and attempted it (but couldn't jump). I no longer see that as an option because of the risk.

 

[leloyon]

I also have gender dysphoria, and it is the hell itself. I hope you get better whatever you choose to do.

But I want to add that 9th floor doesn't ensure death and you have the risk of being disabled in the end. Jumping is risky when you are jumping from a height that is less than 200 ft. I live on 10th floor, I seriously considering jumping from the window and attempted it (but couldn't jump). I no longer see that as an option because of the risk.

It's generally accepted that 150ft+ is lethal, provided you're landing on solid ground.

 

[Reuthry]

It's generally accepted that 150ft+ is lethal, provided you're landing on solid ground.

I see. Also, is jumping from 10th floor (around 90 ft) or (after mastering learning everything about it) night night more likely to be lethal? And which is more risky, I guess jumping is going to be riskier right I may end up disabled I guess?

 

[leloyon]

I see. Also, is jumping from 10th floor (around 90 ft) or (after mastering learning everything about it) night night more likely to be lethal? And which is more risky, I guess jumping is going to be riskier right I may end up disabled I guess?

I'm not too familiar with night-night (heard of it, and checked it out, but "peaceful" methods don't appeal to me so I'm more familiar with the gorey like jumping or shooting), I know that the loss of oxygen could result in brain damage? I don't know which is preferable or riskier, but I'd say provided you land on your head it'd be lethal.
Personally I'm jealous, the building I was going to jump from is now in the process of being demolished.

 

[Reuthry]

I'm not too familiar with night-night (heard of it, and checked it out, but "peaceful" methods don't appeal to me so I'm more familiar with the gorey like jumping or shooting), I know that the loss of oxygen could result in brain damage? I don't know which is preferable or riskier, but I'd say provided you land on your head it'd be lethal.
Personally I'm jealous, the building I was going to jump from is now in the process of being demolished.

I wish I had the option to access firearms but it's impossible for me to get a gun (even if I didn't have my parents from killing myself, guns are restricted in my country). I would definitely jump if I were living on 20th floor, the tallest buildings in my city are that tall, but it is this luxurious type of buildings so I would never be able to get in, there are security guards all around.

I know that 10th floor fall is really likely to be fatal but if I don't die I will definitely end up being disabled and that would be an endless nightmare for me. I can't go with any type of hanging, at least one of my parents is always at the house and they both know that I am suicidal. That's why I am not able to buy SN even though it is sooooo easy to get here, I would be found. The only times that I am alone are at nights when everyone is sleeping and when I go to the course center they forcefully take me to. I would escape, take a bus and go to woods and hang myself there I thought about it a lot but it is also impossible, they can stop me even before I can get far away.

I think and hope that night night can kill me though. As it seems it's my only way to leave. Any advice about methods? What else I can do?

 

[leloyon]

I wish I had the option to access firearms but it's impossible for me to get a gun (even if I didn't have my parents from killing myself, guns are restricted in my country). I would definitely jump if I were living on 20th floor, the tallest buildings in my city are that tall, but it is this luxurious type of buildings so I would never be able to get in, there are security guards all around.

I know that 10th floor fall is really likely to be fatal but if I don't die I will definitely end up being disabled and that would be an endless nightmare for me. I can't go with any type of hanging, at least one of my parents is always at the house and they both know that I am suicidal. That's why I am not able to buy SN even though it is sooooo easy to get here, I would be found. The only times that I am alone are at nights when everyone is sleeping and when I go to the course center they forcefully take me to. I would escape, take a bus and go to woods and hang myself there I thought about it a lot but it is also impossible, they can stop me even before I can get far away.

I think and hope that night night can kill me though. As it seems it's my only way to leave. Any advice about methods? What else I can do?

Zip guns and black powder guns are a thing. Now, I would never advocate for anyone to violate any of their country's laws, however alls I'm saying is that there is a cool book known as TM 31-210 that I personally think is very interesting, particularly section III, not that anyone should read it, I just think its existence itself is interesting is all.
How tall is your building? Can you get to the roof of it?

 

[Reuthry]

Zip guns and black powder guns are a thing. Now, I would never advocate for anyone to violate any of their country's laws, however alls I'm saying is that there is a cool book known as TM 31-210 that I personally think is very interesting, particularly section III, not that anyone should read it, I just think its existence itself is interesting is all.
How tall is your building? Can you get to the roof of it?

This building has 12 floors and I am not sure if I can get into the roof. Nearly all the buildings around are at this height. There are no publicly accessible and taller buildings or bridges, there are no bridges at all in this damn city. And I will read the book you mentioned, just downloaded it. Thank you.

 

[leloyon]

This building has 12 floors and I am not sure if I can get into the roof. Nearly all the buildings around are at this height. There are no publicly accessible and taller buildings or bridges, there are no bridges at all in this damn city. And I will read the book you mentioned, just downloaded it. Thank you.

I would check to see if you could get onto the roof.
Anyway, for any law enforcement reading this just know I am specifically telling everyone not to read TM 31-210, and specifically not to go to page 96 (the beginning of section III) or page 115 in particular.

 

[Reuthry]

I would check to see if you could get onto the roof.
Anyway, for any law enforcement reading this just know I am specifically telling everyone not to read TM 31-210, and specifically not to go to page 96 (the beginning of section III) or page 115 in particular.

Even if I can get onto the roof, is it more likely to kill me than a well adjusted night night suicide?