wasted0906
I'll try to make the sky prettier
- Feb 17, 2025
- 5
I feel strange, as if my thoughts about CTB are clearer.
Suicidal thoughts usually made me doubt whether it was the right thing to do—what others would say or how it would affect the people around me. But now, it's just about committing and finding the right time.
My birthday was a few weeks ago, and I was planning to CTB that day. I didn't expect anyone to remember, but to my surprise, they did. So I didn't.
These days, I've gone back to my usual thoughts—feeling useless and realizing how I self-sabotage with my actions and negative attitude.
I usually cut my wrists when I'm feeling really low, either after an argument with my parents or when I get stuck in thoughts about being disappointed with myself. But now, it's different. I do it just because I want to. It's almost satisfying. Every time, I try to go deeper, hoping to cut a vein. I know the scars could cause me trouble, but I hide them under bracelets (I have like six of them), so it's not a problem.
I wanted so badly to cut a vein, and if I CTB, so be it. But this afternoon, I got invited to a party (not just me—my friends and I were invited) by this girl who is so special to me. She's not my girlfriend, nor do I expect that, but she is special. We had an intimate relationship that's hard to explain. Or at least, it used to be that way. I'd like to see her one last time, and then—whatever happens, happens.
I feel frustrated. I wanted to cut myself so badly and CTB. The party is this Saturday, so now I have to wait a whole week.
Suicidal thoughts usually made me doubt whether it was the right thing to do—what others would say or how it would affect the people around me. But now, it's just about committing and finding the right time.
My birthday was a few weeks ago, and I was planning to CTB that day. I didn't expect anyone to remember, but to my surprise, they did. So I didn't.
These days, I've gone back to my usual thoughts—feeling useless and realizing how I self-sabotage with my actions and negative attitude.
I usually cut my wrists when I'm feeling really low, either after an argument with my parents or when I get stuck in thoughts about being disappointed with myself. But now, it's different. I do it just because I want to. It's almost satisfying. Every time, I try to go deeper, hoping to cut a vein. I know the scars could cause me trouble, but I hide them under bracelets (I have like six of them), so it's not a problem.
I wanted so badly to cut a vein, and if I CTB, so be it. But this afternoon, I got invited to a party (not just me—my friends and I were invited) by this girl who is so special to me. She's not my girlfriend, nor do I expect that, but she is special. We had an intimate relationship that's hard to explain. Or at least, it used to be that way. I'd like to see her one last time, and then—whatever happens, happens.
I feel frustrated. I wanted to cut myself so badly and CTB. The party is this Saturday, so now I have to wait a whole week.
