Warning: my comment includes talk about a soul and spirituality, if you don't believe or are uninterested def skip reading this post. :) I don't mind, but figured I'd share with those who it would help.
I used to feel trapped. I have a young niece and nephew and I spent Years thinking I can't CBT bc I didn't want to hurt them. Over the summer I experienced some rapid deterioration of my health due to my chronic health condition, which left me in bed with a number of horrible symptoms, physical pain, extreme fatigue, weakness, headaches, brain fog, spaciness, tingling and numbness all over the body , etc, unable to walk for weeks, mom having to feed and bathe me bc I couldn't do anything myself.
While at my worst I prayed to be able to feel just a little better , to be able to walk and have the opportunity to figure out a way to CBT. Since then I've thought of my life and the way things lead up to this moment, years of sickness, years of treatment that isn't working well.....and I realized it was all meant to be. I realized I was meant to commit suicide, hence my username, or at least it seems like a very likely life path that I picked as a soul during my pre-birth planning session. If some of you are spiritual , like I am, you might have heard of a book called Your Souls Plan by Robert Schwartz. In it he basically explains all souls before coming to earth make a pre-birth plan of what they want to experience in their lifetime. I can't recall now but it's Either in this book or his 2nd, Your Souls Gift, where he has a chapter on suicide and why a soul would want to experience that. Most likely it's due to wanting to be of service to other souls for them to learn whatever it is they want to learn. You and your family, as souls, make pacts to incarnate together and experience these things together. Some life paths we choose are so hard there is a very high chance of a suicide and we, our family members and friends, know that before incarnation. So.. if you choose to look at it that way you shouldn't feel obliged to stick around for anyone. In the spiritual circles it is said that we have hundreds of lifetimes and each one is like a blink of an eye to the soul. This moment, these people, this lifetime, It might seem all so important bc you're looking at it from you human consciousness but in fact it's just another experience your soul has choosen to learn from in order to grow and expand.
Now I might sound all zen and sh*t, but trust me , even though this is my greater perspective on life I'm still scared shitless to CBT, but at least I don't have any negative feelings about what it will do to the people left behind like I used to.
