All this agonising is driving me nuts, well more nuts. I figure my life is short and while i still have the physical health to do it, i'm going to book a flight to delhi and travel to where i know the place and one or two people. I was there for 3 months earlier this year and didn't smoke, drink or take any effing meds. I came back because i thought i'd be able to get my shit together but it isn't happening in fact it's getting worse. To hell with justifying myself to social services and doctors, worrying about money and waking up every day with no positive energy, and wanting to die, yearning for things to be as they used to be here, at least for a while. At least there you can have some perspective on how shitty other people's lives can be, without the utterly banal conformity of life here. The place energised me for a while. Probably i'll get sick of the noise and the poverty and loneliness and yearn to be back in the west again but if i don't do something i am going to kill myself soon or just drug myself into oblivion. Maybe that's what will happen there anyway but it's better than sitting on my arse looking into a deep hole all the time, maybe it's just a little flicker of a flame that keeps me from the precipice.
Lara Francis
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,627
wezel
Experienced
- Aug 14, 2018
- 221
It sounds the right thing to do. I will also bugger off soon to another, very remote country, already got a ticket, and its a one way.
Whenever someone tells me this I always give them this quote: "No matter where you go there you are" meaning no matter what the life you are trying to escape and the problems will always follow you. Plus what's happens if you lose your visa and can't leave? Then the only options there to ctb with are either hanging or train/trucks. It's such a risk but I understand the sentiment as I always wished that I could've went to wilderness areas such as the Amazon, Congo, Siberia etc. But like always I'm too much of pussy especially since I have no knowledge whatsoever about travelling far away from the only country I've been in my entire life. Op you do you it takes a lot of courage to do something like that especially for people like us.
I still have 6months on my visa from last time. I totally agree that we're still the same wherever we go, but there can be better or worse places to be that help us see things differently or feel some better contact with life, if only for a while. I've lived in many different places and circumstances and it always comes down to the same shit in the end, for sure.
Lara Francis
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,627
A change is as good as the rest.
Sure,you take yourself with you but have space and distance to stand back and evaluate your life without some of the stresses you have at home.
Sure,you take yourself with you but have space and distance to stand back and evaluate your life without some of the stresses you have at home.
whatmattersmost
Gone to HANG.
- Sep 10, 2018
- 224
What did you originally travel there for?
I've never been out of my Country.
NewDelhiGuy
Member
- Oct 5, 2018
- 84
Hey I am based in Delhi, have you visited himachal (Himalayas)?
Welcome here,... every country has its own pros and cons. As you told you feel a bit comfortable in that city. You could try to be a monk(if you are interested), or join religious communities (some people do volunteer work,you can try if you are into religious stuff) or teach some kids(who don't have resources to learn English, it helps a lot in India) which has a lot of purpose in it. It's priceless. If you are trying to give a try to life by finding your purpose, these options are a good start. Once again, hearty welcome.. feel free to ask if you need any help be it regarding info. Or any other.. though I don't stay in Delhi(but in India itself), I'll try to help..
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Good for you throwing caution to the wind. To have any chance at all I'd need to do something like that too. I doubt my abilities to do anything anymore
NewDelhiGuy
Member
- Oct 5, 2018
- 84
Wantingpeace
Wizard
- Aug 16, 2018
- 672
Where will you go? Loved my travels in India! Never made trekking in the Himalayas which won't happen now. Have great time
Yep.. that is the reason I am here..
Um.. I am trying to go with partial suspension.
How about you? How did you end up here if you don't mind
It was a nice idea wasn't it. I've realised that i don't have the energy for it after all and this is the end of the line.Been twice to India himalayas, great, unfathomable country, shitty sometimes, increasingly overwhelmed by noise and pollution. It blows your mind, opens it. Nepal is a good place to visit as well. Very glad i did it when i had the opportunity and recommended to anyone who can get their shit together and go.
Sorry to disappoint.
Sorry to disappoint.
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NewDelhiGuy
Member
- Oct 5, 2018
- 84
Yes I am finally done with life too. I was nervous while deciding about it but not nervous any more. I took a long time to think it over
Nitrogen gas + plastic bag. In Delhi 99.99% nitrogen is available for very cheap, like for 1400rs($18) you get 4000lts and one only needs 400lts to ctb.
Vet grade pentobarbital is also available I may have to bribe some govt animal hospital guy to get.
In case I get pentobarbital than I would go to parvati valley in himachal. That's my plan.
I want to make it as peaceful and painless as it can get.
You have got good choices to go with. Btw where are you getting N2 from?I too know a vet. but not that close enough to give/sell me that stuff . Anyhow , I have already chosen my method ..So, I am ok with it.
NewDelhiGuy
Member
- Oct 5, 2018
- 84
N2 is widely available here. I just had to make story that i am going to launch a start up of bodybuilding food processing.
Imo n2 is better than partial hanging. But yeah , to each his own.
I am going to buy all the equipment asap. It will be a huge satisfaction that i have the control over the on and off switch of life. Will Wait for sometime for a suicide partner to ctb together.
Btw l have no qualms about leaving alone either.
For me it's more like.. I would be better off dead..Hope it goes good for you.Feel free to pm if you want to any when..
Yes i went to lots of places there Kangra, Dharamsala, Manali. There is a nice train trip along kangra valley to pathankot.
NewDelhiGuy
Member
- Oct 5, 2018
- 84
It is a shame, i have not been to dharmashala yet. Probably before ctb I wanna travel to all these places again.
Btw just now I have booked the n2 cylinder .
Feeling fucking so liberated that I will have the control switch of my life in cpl of days.
NewDelhiGuy
Member
- Oct 5, 2018
- 84
i went as a tourist 5 years ago when things were better, for 4 months after my dad died and left me a bit of money, just dossing in cheap rooms and travelling about. The best parts were in the himalayas, as i took a tent and everything for camping, so did some solo trekking with nobody around for miles. I have never been happier in my life than when i was alone up there in the mountains, walking in that scenery. One trek i did, a dog followed me from the village where it began, for the whole 5 days. He was a beautiful animal, a kind of big sheepdog. Effectively he guided me when i was lost and we made it over a very high pass with glaciers and deep snow and went round together for another week after. I had to leave him in another village in the end because they wouldn't let him on buses. Probably the single most beautiful experience in my life. I thought about bringing him home with me but actually he had a better life up there.
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The india trip might be back on, perhaps i'm not finished just yet.
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