Venting Fucking Dementia

[LuzurPhagget]

Man, this is so fucking bad. I know I've had problems articulating myself in the past like finding the right words and pronouncing them properly, but now I feel like I'm having problems UNDERSTANDING people. Like, are you motherfucking kidding me?!? I can't even follow conversations or even basic instructions it seems. I am JUST that fucking stupid! Feels like everyone's doing their damnest to confuse and overwhelm my feeble mind. Fuck, I can't keep up with everyone!

I really don't know what the fuck this is. Whether it's dementia/Alzheimers or just psychological, I don't really give a fuck anymore. This is NO WAY to live. The fact that anxiety can get THIS BAD? Fuck it. I don't want to keep fighting this. I don't even want to bother finding out what it really is.

There's only one thing I'm waiting for and once I get closure on on it, I can GTFO of here as soon as possible. Out of this pathetic excuse of an existence. Should have ended A LONG time ago. Ri-goddamn-diculous.

 

[Hotsackage]

Im exactly like you. My ability to ctb is decreasing due to my cog itive decline

 

[JSauter]

How old are you?

 

[LuzurPhagget]

Im exactly like you. My ability to ctb is decreasing due to my cog itive decline

Honestly, if depression was just a low mood thing, I feel that would be somewhat tolerable, but these fucking cognitive deficits just make it fucking unbearable.

How old are you?

Young enough to be laughed at if I mention the word dementia or aphasia/apraxia to a doctor. Turning 29.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Two short threads maybe you can relate? It´s seriously like I can only use 10% of the brain power I used to as a teenager I can´t remember shit and even my long term memory has become so vague.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dementia.12299/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/apathy-has-rotted-my-brain.20044/

 

[LuzurPhagget]

Two short threads maybe you can relate? It´s seriously like I can only use 10% of the brain power I used to as a teenager I can´t remember shit and even my long term memory has become so vague.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dementia.12299/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/apathy-has-rotted-my-brain.20044/

Can you still hold down a job?

 

[pole]

Man, this is so fucking bad. I know I've had problems articulating myself in the past like finding the right words and pronouncing them properly, but now I feel like I'm having problems UNDERSTANDING people. Like, are you motherfucking kidding me?!? I can't even follow conversations or even basic instructions it seems. I am JUST that fucking stupid! Feels like everyone's doing their damnest to confuse and overwhelm my feeble mind. Fuck, I can't keep up with everyone!

I really don't know what the fuck this is. Whether it's dementia/Alzheimers or just psychological, I don't really give a fuck anymore. This is NO WAY to live. The fact that anxiety can get THIS BAD? Fuck it. I don't want to keep fighting this. I don't even want to bother finding out what it really is.

There's only one thing I'm waiting for and once I get closure on on it, I can GTFO of here as soon as possible. Out of this pathetic excuse of an existence. Should have ended A LONG time ago. Ri-goddamn-diculous.

i have these like periods of time, where i like completely just forget things; and my memories like extremely foggy. its wierd, iv never had these times of troubles with my memory. and im not even old old. Insane to think, but how you're feeling and you're mental state makes you feel like you're so much older than you really are at times.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Can you still hold down a job?

No I can´t but that is mainly because of physical problems.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

29 is too young even for early onset dementia. It sounds like a neurological condition. Could you get referred to a neurologist?

 

[Tortured_empath]

I think I read that neuroinflammation (fog), depression and cognitive decline are closely related, sadly, as if we didn't have enough shit on our plates already.

 

[Squiddy]

My main reason for wanting to ctb is because of brain fog

 

[DeathImminent]

cognitive dysfunction is much worse than depression

 

[Avery Jordan]

I use to be terrible at listening to others but it improved once I started taking estrogen called estradiol.

 

[DeathImminent]

I use to be terrible at listening to others but it improved once I started taking estrogen called estradiol.

Did you grow boobs from that?

 

[Squiddy]

cognitive dysfunction is much worse than depression

Agreed

 

[LuzurPhagget]

29 is too young even for early onset dementia. It sounds like a neurological condition. Could you get referred to a neurologist?

Maybe. Probably. It's kind of funny but I remember I was having major cognitive difficulties about 2 years ago to the point where I actually went to a walk-in clinic to be referred to a neurologist, who I would have ended up seeing some months later but not before trying another antidepressant and having that finally work some weeks into it and actually significantly improving just a week or two before the actual fucking neurologist appointment. So I figured I had to cancel my neurologist appointment and accept it's all just fucking psychological.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Maybe. Probably. It's kind of funny but I remember I was having major cognitive difficulties about 2 years ago to the point where I actually went to a walk-in clinic to be referred to a neurologist, who I would have ended up seeing some months later but not before trying another antidepressant and having that finally work some weeks into it and actually significantly improving just a week or two before the actual fucking neurologist appointment. So I figured I had to cancel my neurologist appointment and accept it's all just fucking psychological.

It could be psychological but the docs are always eager to slap that label on you cus the treatment is easier from their point of view.
I've actually been called hypochondriac because I couldn't prove my symptoms existed. A more damaging diagnosis there is not! I actually found a way to disprove the diagnosis which was reluctantly accepted but then lost over time.
Maybe try and get that neuro consultation to rule out any underlying pathology.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Man, this is so fucking bad. I know I've had problems articulating myself in the past like finding the right words and pronouncing them properly, but now I feel like I'm having problems UNDERSTANDING people. Like, are you motherfucking kidding me?!? I can't even follow conversations or even basic instructions it seems. I am JUST that fucking stupid! Feels like everyone's doing their damnest to confuse and overwhelm my feeble mind. Fuck, I can't keep up with everyone!

I really don't know what the fuck this is. Whether it's dementia/Alzheimers or just psychological, I don't really give a fuck anymore. This is NO WAY to live. The fact that anxiety can get THIS BAD? Fuck it. I don't want to keep fighting this. I don't even want to bother finding out what it really is.

There's only one thing I'm waiting for and once I get closure on on it, I can GTFO of here as soon as possible. Out of this pathetic excuse of an existence. Should have ended A LONG time ago. Ri-goddamn-diculous.

Have you ever gotten an MRI of your brain because you might be jumping to conclusions. I can imagine your mind is racing with the worst possible scenarios because I do that too and freak myself out a lot when I don't need to. But you should go get an MRI. Tell the doctor what is going on. They'll know what to do and look for.
OMG you're 29! No, you don't have dementia or anything like that. Definitely go get that MRI.

Did you grow boobs from that?

LMAO. You kidder.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

Have you ever gotten an MRI of your brain because you might be jumping to conclusions. I can imagine your mind is racing with the worst possible scenarios because I do that too and freak myself out a lot when I don't need to. But you should go get an MRI. Tell the doctor what is going on. They'll know what to do and look for.
OMG you're 29! No, you don't have dementia or anything like that. Definitely go get that MRI.

LMAO. You kidder.

Nah, I'm not going to bother with any of that shit. Nothing abnormal would turn up anyway. I'm "as healthy as a horse." Yeah, a horse headed off to the fucking glue factory. I'm done trying to figure out what's wrong. And in the end, I always have to feel like it's my fault. Oh I didn't do this or I didn't do that. I didn't try hard enough for this or I wasn't patient enough for that. Fuck it. I'm done.

But thanks for the advice. It would have actually been cool to have had an MRI. I'm sure there would be a clear lack of neural activity in parts of my brain, as if parts of it were asleep.

 

[Hunter100]

I use to be terrible at listening to others but it improved once I started taking estrogen called estradiol.

Can I ask why they put you on it?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Nah, I'm not going to bother with any of that shit. Nothing abnormal would turn up anyway. I'm "as healthy as a horse." Yeah, a horse headed off to the fucking glue factory. I'm done trying to figure out what's wrong. And in the end, I always have to feel like it's my fault. Oh I didn't do this or I didn't do that. I didn't try hard enough for this or I wasn't patient enough for that. Fuck it. I'm done.

But thanks for the advice. It would have actually been cool to have had an MRI. I'm sure there would be a clear lack of neural activity in parts of my brain, as if parts of it were asleep.

I'm really sorry to hear that but I know how you feel. They wanna send me for an mri too.

 

[LuzurPhagget]

I'm really sorry to hear that but I know how you feel. They wanna send me for an mri too.

If you got the patience ti wait for it, go for it man. I unfortunately don't.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

If you got the patience ti wait for it, go for it man. I unfortunately don't.

Lol no idea how to even get to it I'm housebound and deteriorating. They make their plans and they are beyond me.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Nah, I'm not going to bother with any of that shit. Nothing abnormal would turn up anyway. I'm "as healthy as a horse." Yeah, a horse headed off to the fucking glue factory. I'm done trying to figure out what's wrong. And in the end, I always have to feel like it's my fault. Oh I didn't do this or I didn't do that. I didn't try hard enough for this or I wasn't patient enough for that. Fuck it. I'm done.

But thanks for the advice. It would have actually been cool to have had an MRI. I'm sure there would be a clear lack of neural activity in parts of my brain, as if parts of it were asleep.

I wish you would but I understand if you don't want to. Just don't say you have dementia. That is going to make people not believe you.