Venting Fuck, This May Be It

[Into The Wild]

Fuck,

I have royally screwed up. A girl who has fucked me around so much gave me hope and I went back in. I am a moron. But now that is done, it is in the past. And I cannot handle this. I just cant. I am so so so close to just taking a walk and never coming back from it. Finding a trainline or a big fucking truck on a motorway. Fuck it feel so so good to just disappear. Yeah it is a girl, so fucking what. But all my life I have been an outsider and now I am more than ever. I have never fit in. No-one will look at me the same. No-one. I cannot look at myself and feel any sense of pride. I allowed this to happen. I let her back in. I have already cut myself tonight. FUCK. I want out. More than I ever have. Fuck I probably sound like a total whining bitch. I don't care. I don't fucking care. I don't care. Just release me. Maybe I will go to Wolf River in Memphis and find my end Buckley did. He is the only cunt who has ever truly got me and he's fucking dead. Fuck it. Fuck it. I am done here.

ITW

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, @Into The Wild. I hope you'll give yourself a time-out before taking any violent measures - I know how fine it would be to just vanish, but we both know it takes more than that to kill oneself.

I'm sorry you feel people around you would judge you harshly; they don't sound like anyone you need to be around. Where are you living now? Maybe getting out of your locale, or your country, could be a good way to just walk away.

(((Hugs)))

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

ITW-

Please don't make your problems worse by waking up in a hospital or by having some stranger pound on your chest.

Everyone here will support any choice you make, but please make it with a clear head.

Do you want to talk? There are always plenty of us here to listen.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Fuck,

I have royally screwed up. A girl who has fucked me around so much gave me hope and I went back in. I am a moron. But now that is done, it is in the past. And I cannot handle this. I just cant. I am so so so close to just taking a walk and never coming back from it. Finding a trainline or a big fucking truck on a motorway. Fuck it feel so so good to just disappear. Yeah it is a girl, so fucking what. But all my life I have been an outsider and now I am more than ever. I have never fit in. No-one will look at me the same. No-one. I cannot look at myself and feel any sense of pride. I allowed this to happen. I let her back in. I have already cut myself tonight. FUCK. I want out. More than I ever have. Fuck I probably sound like a total whining bitch. I don't care. I don't fucking care. I don't care. Just release me. Maybe I will go to Wolf River in Memphis and find my end Buckley did. He is the only cunt who has ever truly got me and he's fucking dead. Fuck it. Fuck it. I am done here.

ITW

Hey,

I hope you are safe and not made any hasty decisions

Surrounding you with love and light ❤

 

[Ghost2211]

I see your post is several hours old. I hope you are safe, and had a chance to clam down a bit. I respect your choice to ctb I just hope you approach it from a calm place, so you don't end up suffering more.

 

[mukluk0713]

Hey, just coming on to echo the same sentiments that everyone else has. You don't at all sound whiny at all, and your reasons are your own, your feelings are valid, and you have every right to feel however you feel about any situation. Please don't beat yourself up over struggling "over a girl", it isn't just a girl, it is your life and your pain and it is VALID. We're all here to listen if you need to vent or get it off of your chest, with NO judgment.

I hope you are safe and have had a chance to calm down and breathe some and more carefully consider your choices. If you decide that ctb is what is right for you, then of course that is your decision and everyone respects that, but it is always better to know someone has approached it from a calm place and has spared themselves pain in the process.

Sending love your way and hope you are doing better

 

[Into The Wild]

I am still here, but not doing too well. Thank you for all your kind words. I don't know how to get over someone, or if it is possible. I saw her in the street today and she noticed the cuts on my arms. I am probably look like such a weak fool to her. I hate that feeling. I am contemplating quitting my place of work as she is often around the same area. I feel like travelling, moving cities, just getting up and going.

 

[breachingthevoid]

I know this feeling. I can relate to how you are feeling and there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you're feeling. There's a hopeless that washes over us during times like these, and that feeling of wanting to just crawl out of your skin. I wish you all the best. Try to remember not to do anything hasty, stay calm, think things through, breathe and come to a well thought out decision.