Fuck… I don’t want to die

[ljknljnlkjn]

Yesterday, I somehow ended up clicking on a link and saw a video of people dying.

I feel super traumatized, and I just feel super weird today. If just seeing a stupid video made me feel this way, I can't imagine what my family would feel if they see me dead. And also the atrocity I would be putting myself through just because I'm not enjoying life.

I hate how easy it feels to say "I give up" when experiencing difficulties. I need to find some strength and continue living. This is too gruesome

 

[timf]

Sometimes people drift into thinking about suicide because it seems the easiest path.Sometimes seeing brutality can be a spur to motivate one to begin to take control of life and build something more tolerable at first and then even to build something that can actually be enjoyable.

 

[HyugaHarbor]

I'm so sorry you had to see something so distressing. It's understandable to feel traumatized after witnessing such a disturbing video. Graphic content can deeply affect our minds, especially when it's unexpected.
It's heartening to hear that this experience made you reflect on the impact of such actions on loved ones. Your family and friends care about you deeply, and the pain they would feel is unimaginable.
Life can be incredibly challenging, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed sometimes. But remember, it's okay to seek help when things get tough. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Talk About It: Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can help process the trauma. Whether it's a friend, family member, or therapist, talking can provide relief.
2. Limit Exposure: Consider taking a break from platforms or websites where you might encounter distressing content. It's essential to protect your mental well-being.
3. Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking therapy or counseling if your feelings persist or intensify. A professional can provide coping strategies and support.
4. Engage in Self-Care: Engaging in activities you enjoy or find relaxing can help distract and calm the mind. Find what works for you: reading, listening to music, or walking.
5. Stay Connected: Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can make a world of difference. They can offer comfort, understanding, and a different perspective.
6. Remember Your Worth: Life has its ups and downs, but you have the strength within you to overcome challenges. Remember the value you bring to the lives of those around you.

It's commendable that you recognize the need to find strength and continue living. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and many resources and people are willing to help and support you.

There are several resources available for individuals who are feeling distressed or traumatized. Here are some that I can recommend:

1. Crisis Text Line: A free, 24/7 text line for individuals in crisis. By texting "HELLO" to 741741, they can connect with a trained crisis counselor.
2. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: A 24/7 helpline available for individuals in distress or in need of emotional support. The number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
3. Befrienders Worldwide: An international network of helplines offering emotional support to individuals in distress or at risk of suicide.
4. BetterHelp: An online platform that connects individuals with licensed therapists. It's a paid service, but they offer financial aid for those who qualify.
5. Talkspace: Another online therapy platform where individuals can connect with licensed therapists.
6. Local Mental Health Clinics: Many communities have local mental health clinics or centers that offer counseling services, sometimes on a sliding scale based on income.
7. 7 Cups: An online platform where individuals can connect with trained listeners for free. They also offer professional therapy for a fee.
8. Mental Health America (MHA): They provide a list of resources, including helplines, support groups, and therapy options.
9. Rethink Mental Illness: A UK-based organization offering support and advice for people with mental illness.
10. Mind: Another UK-based charity providing advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem.

 

[letmewalrus]

I can only talk from my personal experience. Think of suicide as the absolute last plan. In the meantime, you just have to live with life until you're cornered enough to seriously consider doing it.

I know how you feel to be in this limbo where you don't want to die nor live. I just wish I could help you. But I'm experiencing the same thing, so just make peace with the fact that you're not alone in this.. we're all just trying to figure out life. And that's okay. Nothing to be ashamed or feel bad about.

 

[twatingthroughlife]

The exact same thing happened to me. I found a video of people killing themselves. Here in this forum. It was so distressing. It was horrible and I knew I couldn't try it again.

I don't wanna be found with my skull shattered all over the place. I don't want to be found purple and with my eyes popping out. I don't wanna be found scattered all over the place. I just don't wanna be found dead and the thought of it has somehow kept me alive. I wanna recover but it is hard

 

[ljknljnlkjn]

I keep switching back and forth between panicking over the thought of suicide, and panicking over the state of my life.

I wish I could wake up from this horrible nightmare

 

[snowcloud9]

I keep switching back and forth between panicking over the thought of suicide, and panicking over the state of my life.

I wish I could wake up from this horrible nightmare

I have made a pact with myself that I will not commit suicide unless I'm suicidal for a month straight without any doubts. That is how I would know for certain. That way, I allow myself to give into suicidal thoughts without feeling anxious over it.

 

[toro]

i feel you completely, i want to ctb but i genuinely cannot engage with those 'goodbye' threads or people asking for advice on their methods, im pro-choice but it absolutely kills me inside to read that sort of thing. i watched a video of a man in his last moments MONTHS ago when i first joined the site and i still haven't forgotten it, watching someone die is tragic regardless of the context surrounding it.

Your life is never fully ruined, im sure you're a normal person with so many skills and talents you haven't allowed yourself to cultivate yet, please experiment with as much joy as you can!!! and even if you think you have no talents or skills, you don't have to earn the right to live, you have chosen to live and that is enough.

suicide is incredibly comforting to me, but if it is causing you anxiety please reach out to healthier places, this site is amazing but if suicide upsets you even the recovery section will not aid in making you feel better. we'll still be waiting if you think you need us again, live your life like you deserve and WANT to!!! i hope things improve for you, there has to be something you want to live for beyond just your own anxiety, even if its something that feels minuscule or silly like enjoying how a windy day feels.

when i was in my worst rut, forcing myself to go outside and go to cheap shops, buying snacks and being polite to the cashier and hearing someone be kind back, they're obligated by their job absolutely, but it still made me so happy to be smiled at by another person. i hope lots of people smile at you soon, i really think you would deserve it.

 

[soverytired42]

Yesterday, I somehow ended up clicking on a link and saw a video of people dying.

I feel super traumatized, and I just feel super weird today. If just seeing a stupid video made me feel this way, I can't imagine what my family would feel if they see me dead. And also the atrocity I would be putting myself through just because I'm not enjoying life.

I hate how easy it feels to say "I give up" when experiencing difficulties. I need to find some strength and continue living. This is too gruesome

I regularly tell myself, I may hate living, I may even deserve to die, but my Mom doesn't deserve to lose a child. Suffering like this is unbearable but to let someone else suffer in my place is even worse than that.

 

[ifeelsobad]

i feel you completely, i want to ctb but i genuinely cannot engage with those 'goodbye' threads or people asking for advice on their methods, im pro-choice but it absolutely kills me inside to read that sort of thing. i watched a video of a man in his last moments MONTHS ago when i first joined the site and i still haven't forgotten it, watching someone die is tragic regardless of the context surrounding it.

Your life is never fully ruined, im sure you're a normal person with so many skills and talents you haven't allowed yourself to cultivate yet, please experiment with as much joy as you can!!! and even if you think you have no talents or skills, you don't have to earn the right to live, you have chosen to live and that is enough.

suicide is incredibly comforting to me, but if it is causing you anxiety please reach out to healthier places, this site is amazing but if suicide upsets you even the recovery section will not aid in making you feel better. we'll still be waiting if you think you need us again, live your life like you deserve and WANT to!!! i hope things improve for you, there has to be something you want to live for beyond just your own anxiety, even if its something that feels minuscule or silly like enjoying how a windy day feels.

when i was in my worst rut, forcing myself to go outside and go to cheap shops, buying snacks and being polite to the cashier and hearing someone be kind back, they're obligated by their job absolutely, but it still made me so happy to be smiled at by another person. i hope lots of people smile at you soon, i really think you would deserve it.

You said your life is never fully ruined but I think my life is fully ruined because I'm not sure if I can even get the one thing I want in life the most. I tried praying, law of attraction, law of belief, magic, working on it, just being happy with what I have and getting the next best thing. But nothing makes me happy. Not any of the things I tried worked. I think maybe having my own dog would help but I'm not sure. It would definitely help some I'm just not sure how much. I would still be upset about this thing I want but the dog would help more then anything else I can think of..but I don't have the money for it so I am not sure I'd need help from someone and she said she might. But I'm just not sure even how much that would help.

 

[MrThe]

I keep switching back and forth between panicking over the thought of suicide, and panicking over the state of my life.

I wish I could wake up from this horrible nightmare

Hey, I would love if I could share my personal de-overwhelmifier: music. Music is a really powerful thing that can really give you a new insight in life. I recommend the Waltz of the Flowers, by Tchaikovsky (in youtube by Rousseau). Its an amazing music that never fails to give me the boost I need to keep going and face whatever life throws at me! Tell me if you like it, I have a lot of other suggestions!